I feel overwhelmed with all the thoughts I have going on at the moment. I have no idea where to go from here which is difficult for me, as I’m always the planner the one that has plan A, B and C in place but it feels like everything has fallen through.
I had my baby after a devastating loss around the first lockdown. Prior I was working and earning well but during the pandemic they were unable to keep me on and I lost my job. I was gutted but took it as a blessing in disguise as I was able to become a SAHM- stuck to tight budgets and made cuts etc and managed okay. It was supposed to be a year, I applied to many jobs l/ had interviews and it ended up being 2 years. I decided to apply for a postgraduate course where on completion, gain the qualification I need for my desired career. The course would provide job prospects and growth, something which is limited with my current degree.
I received a scholarship as they were impressed with my background, offering a 50% discount so it’ll cost me £2500 for each year (2 years to complete). DS is in nursery from September so no childcare worries. I thought it was all sorted. I applied for a job which I thought was perfect for me. Something I really really wanted to do and met all the niche training they required. Went really far in the process and was given lots of hope that it was mine… only they have decided to go cold and no provide any response or feedback.
With the cost of living rising along with everything else, it feels like madness to use most of my savings to fund the course. Student finance is not an option as I’m on UC and it’s really complicated when you’re a student. I had hoped to fund myself, work part time and have uc top ups and then after 18 months would no longer need benefits, as on successful completion of the course you get put on a paid training program- and then obviously I’d work in that field and DS would be in school.
With September round the corner, I just feel so disappointed in myself. I really wanted to be studying and working and striving to get out of the cycle. But I don’t think I budgeted well as I thought and realistically can’t afford to self fund. I’m back to applying for jobs and attending interviews, but so far not had any success and with each set back feeling worse.
I know I have to get back up and try again, I just feel shattered from trying. Guess I’m just sad about feeling like like the dream I have is out of reach and just needed to get it out.