Maternity leave and housework

[Thejoyfulstar]

I'm on maternity leave with baby number 3. For different reasons, this is the first time I've ever had a proper maternity leave, ie, just me and baby at home for the first year.

Baby is almost 5 months, breastfeeding. She is a very easy baby; smiley, hardly ever cries. Hardly ever sleeps during the day (pretty good at night though thankfully).

So while she isn't crying by day, I am either feeding her, chatting to her, letting her roll around on her mat etc. She naps for very short little spurts. I feel like I should be using every moment that she isn't feeding on me to get stuff done but for some reason, I don't.

By the time my husband and kids get home, I've done a once over and the place is reasonably clean and tidy. I will have put on a wash and hung it out or have put dry clothes away (or at least sorted them into piles to put away the next day). I will either have made dinner for that night or have got stuff ready to cook when the rest of the gang get in. I sweep all the floors and go over them with a flash mop. I generally get a very quick shower and throw a little make up on very quickly. Depending on the weather we will go out for a walk or to the shops.

I keep feeling like I should be doing way more, such as cleaning the fridge, sorting through old clothes, clearing out cupboards and other stuff I never get a chance to do while working full time.

I feel incredibly unproductive and inefficient during the day and do feel like I waste a lot of time sitting around looking at my phone, but she breastfeed a lot and often only sleeps in my arms. An issue is never being able to get much momentum as the baby is generally awake most of the day (notwithstanding sleeping in my arms and quick 10 minute naps in the pram) and any opportunities to do something are just covering the basics.

I tried putting her in a sling but she did not like it and I can't bend down with her in it (I realised I do a lot of bending down during the day to empty the dishwasher, empty bins, sleep the floor, pick stuff up etc).

What is everyone else's experiences? I know once crawling starts, nothing will get done!

Enjoy your baby, cleaning will only need doing again next week.

That sounds fine! The time will fly by, enjoy her while she’s tidy and immobile. You’re doing plenty.

I really do enjoy my baby but our home descends into absolute depravity if I don't keep on top of it (other kids are 4 and 7). Homekeeping doesn't come naturally to me at all so it's a constant battle.

I keep feeling like I should be doing way more, such as cleaning the fridge, sorting through old clothes, clearing out cupboards and other stuff I never get a chance to do while working full time.

I mean... really, that's all stuff that will need to be done again, even if you do do it now.

But your baby will never be five months again; and you're getting loads done looking after her and running the house in the day.

I'd honestly put this down to mum guilt and block it out whenever the feeling starts.

My baby is 11 months old and I've just been congratulating myself on a productive morning getting the shopping in and hoovering the living room I just do bits and bobs as they come, yes the older kids cause chaos but keeping a baby alive and happy is hard work so in this house it's everyone fed nobody dead and everything else is a bonus I'm afraid!

Does your DH do his share of housework and childcare?

My husband is fantastic. He works very hard at his job and gets straight into Dad mode as soon as he comes home, clearing up after dinner, taking the kids to the park, doing bedtime, overseeing homework, listening to reading, taking out the bins, doing the recycling etc. I actually think that my husband (unintentionally!) puts me to shame because he wizzes around the place getting stuff done, bish bash bosh! My friends always joke that they want him to talk to their husbands! He always tells me to rest whenI get the chance so there's no pressure from him and if I didn't have him I would seriously be lost.

I guess I wanted to know if i am doing similar to others as I have a tendency to be a bit on the lazy side!

It seems to me like you're doing just fine.
With my first I was running around like crazy trying to have perfect looking hosue, dinner cooked from scratch every evening, everything ironed. I was so tired.
With my second I decided to go easy and spend more time just with baby talking and playing and out in the park and not talking with baby while I cook and clean.
What you do sounds perfect to me.

You sound like you’re doing an amazing job already! I think we forget being a mum to a baby is absolutely a full time job. Just reading your list put me to shame 😂 I have a 2 month old and don’t get a fraction done that you do. Although he naps regularly he has to be held and quite frankly he’s not going to be this little for long so I’m totally here for it (and the frequent mumsnet scrolling). Also with you on the sling, while he enjoys my back was in bits after half an hour!

As I’m typing this I currently have a cleaner cleaning our bathrooms lazy bitch 🙃😂 would that be an option? While I should technically be able to stay on top of everything I find absolutely no joy in cleaning and it’s honestly been a godsend and means I can enjoy my time with the little one guilt free.

Yes we have a cleaner but she hasn't been able to come in ages as she got full time work doing something else. I tried a new one recently but she stressed me out so much I haven't called her back. Would have a cleaner every week if I could find a good one and if I could afford it! I also hate cleaning and find it a joyless, depressing take but the alternative is worse.

I live in a hot climate and every surface is constantly covered in dust. You would be shocked at the amount of debris that I sweep on a daily basis. It's shocking! I've started getting my kids to help more.

I definitely was not doing much when my baby was 2 months old by the way!

Sod the extra ‘doing’ - enjoy your baby and mat leave while it lasts!

The other stuff will always be there - for ever more.

I'm going to go against the grain a little bit I think

I'm on ML too so understand everything you're saying (although my DC is slightly older so I can pop in a high chair while I potter). But I do try and get some bigger/deeper cleaning jobs done. Everyone saying those jobs will still be there next week or need doing again are right, but I find it far easier to keep on top of things than let it all turn into a bigger job than it's supposed to be.

The fridge for example, literally takes me 5 mins every week on the morning of my shopping delivery because it's practically empty. If I didn't do it for weeks then it would take far longer and drive me mad every time I opened the door.

Sounds like you're doing plenty but I dont get why you can't do stuff if she's happy lying on the mat while awake?

I thought you were going to say you do no housework. You do quite a lot. But I do agree leaving the bigger jobs for months can then become a problem. Just do one or two a week. Or have a look at the organised mum system.

Organising things like clearing out wardrobes, cupboards, fridge are quite big jobs that you might start then baby needs attention etc so I can see why those kind of things are hard to do. Babies seem to have a sixth sense for stuff like that and start getting fussy 😂 little quick things like a hoover round etc are much more manageable but I can see you are already doing that so don’t be too hard on yourself the bigger stuff isn’t getting done.

I agree that its harder to get the bigger stuff done the longer it's left. The fridge has been 2 months and it's filthy. Everything needs to be taken out, drawers and shelves lifted out and washed in the sink then dried etc etc. Takes me longer than 5 mins but I'm very slow 🐌

Yes my baby likes lying on her maT. However, she has recently started to roll over (but not back again). She is fine on her tummy but gets a bit upset after a short while and I have to turn her back over like a tortoise. Then she does it again two minutes later. Once I was finishing a chore off and she was shouting for me to turn her back over. I hadn't realised she had vomited and kept bobbing her face in and out of it 😳 So I have to stay close by and don't get much done beyond the basics.

Then put her on a mat in the kitchen?

Or in a high chair?