"Very important job"

[KILM]

A thread for a bit of fun -
Inspired by the classic 'My DH has a very important job which means he cant do housework/parenting when he's not working'

Has anyone ever known of a DH whose got a 'Very important Job' that actually... isnt that important or as difficult as they make it out to be.
(Disclaimer: there is zero excuse of opting out of parenting etc.)
Just thinking of all the women out there doing Very Important Jobs who manage to contribute to their household.
And sometimes i think... i bet this guy isnt a C level exec, or a brain surgeon etc etc... i bet he's just in middle management which while it can be extremely challenging depending on a variety of factors... still not CEO/brain surgeon territory. Plus women in these positions have to manage at least find solutions that dont involve leaving all the heavy lifting to their OH.

Not interested in examples of DHs who do have super stressful high pressure long hours jobs etc etc.
Just in people you may have come across who make out they are v important but actually arent.... and maybe they over-egg it specifically to get out of doing stuff at home/with the kids.

Yes, couple of my colleagues! We're a branch of a large international firm, it can be stressful and there are times when you're busy - but every job has busy times, and the most of the stuff we deal with on a day to day basis isn't particularly time sensitive or risky. Crucially, the partners are incredibly hot on making sure staff aren't overwhelmed with work and caseloads are shared out fairly, so it's not at all like some sweatshop firms I've previously worked at. The men who put on the biggest and most vocal "very important job" performances are invariably the more junior ones who act like they're in an episode of Suits- funnily enough, the women doing the same job (and far more senior partners, both male and female) are just fine to pull their weight both at home and at work!

In a similar vein, FIL is the absolute worst for this. Just retired from his middle management job and does sweet FA all day - fine, he's retired. But he's still too busy and important to lift a finger at home or to spend time with family, MIL (who's still working!!) has to run around after him sorting it all. Doesn't even make his own cups of tea! Infuriating!!

Yes, my ex.

He was a broadband engineer.

I used to work at a well known HE institution with very important academics who were too important to fold a letter into an envelope. they'd be really mean to the admin and cleaning staff but would treat fellow academics respectfully they were absolute arse holes, they were some nice ones but mostly important arse holes!

At one point my DHs highly stressful important job consisted of setting up, chasing up up and taking minutes for zoom meetings. Because apparently the even more important people couldn't work the technology (and lower people didn't have the right security clearance).

He was both bemused and bored.

I know of a coupe like this she is a university lecturer and he is meddle management in a tech firm. He is always too busy to cover sick days, school runs, cant use his annual leave to cover school holidays. When she went back to work afterat leave she would work a full time job, go home sort child out and get her into bed and then come down to her husband sitting on the sofa sking her what's for dinner and she would go cook it. The child is now 8 but he still doesn't pull his finger out enough to actually do much of anything useful.
All in all a shit father / partner. Whenever she objected he would reply with well I earn more money than you and I bought you this house.
I'm not sure why she's still with him to be honest. I would have flung him out the door long ago.

Oh yeah I know a few of those. I worked for one for a while. They think the sun shines out of there arse but are unable to hold on to any staff because they all run for the hill.

There is one who still works at my uni even after physically assulting one of the members of the tech team. As you say its those who think they are above everyone else and can treat them like dirt. Unis will still ignore the behaviour if they do well in the REF, fucking infuriating.

Oh god I love that line- “my husband is out the house 7.30-6.30”- yes that’s working with a commute!!! The world doesn’t stop either side of those hours

My ex claimed his 'very important job' meant that he had to sleep in the spare room to avoid night wakings while I co-slept with our children (and worked part-time).It was only during lockdown when he was WFH that I realised how little he actually did, although he was always very busy during homeschooling hours. It's one of the reasons why he's now my ex!

He was mid-level admin on the average national salary and because of the industry he is in managed to get himself classified as a key worker which further fuelled his delusions.

I always thought this in the covid briefings. “Next slide, please”. Get a bloody remote and move them on yourself, you lazy, self important bastard.

He was a technician.

My ex. He’s in IT support for DEFRA and if his system goes down, crops will fail and lives will be lost. He’s THAT important. And not only that, the pressure on him to keep the population fed, single handedly is such that he can only see his kids 2 days a month and then just rest rest rest.

*see username.

I used to work with someone who thought their job was 'very important'. She would go to great lengths to tell everyone who would listen about how busy she was. She worked an extra two hours a day she didn't need to. But she would never take her flexi time or annual leave.

She used to speak to everyone else doing the same job on the same wage (and in some cases more qualified than she was) like she was their boss.

IMO if she spent less time talking about being busy and more time working, she would've got all her work done in half a day like the rest of us did.

I covered her caseload when she was on forced leave for a fortnight and she was genuinely shocked that I was able to do it to a higher standard than she did in less time. And yes I did make a point of telling the boss that I wasn't busy whilst doing all her work.

My ex. He's still got such an important job that I sorted out his insurance etc despite him being my ex. He is very generous though, gives me spousal and I pay for the kids (adults) university etc.

My ex-busy,super important job,where lives could be lost if he didn’t show up!he also ‘had’ work long hours or we couldn’t pay the bills-I didn’t rake in enough for us all

which meant he needed his downtime-he worked 8-4,4days a week-so he did nothing for his kids-and it won’t surprise anyone to learn he refused to pay anything for the house or the kids either

he worked as a lacky on a market stall

(we’ll ignore the fact I worked 9-5,5 days a week,would come home,start again and fall into bed,swatting off his demands for sex and start again in the morning-I was unreasonable as he had ‘needs’ but he also ‘worked hard’ and ‘needed his time’)

he was amazed when I dumped him and coped just fine

I worked with a guy who had convinced his wife he was indispensable and had to be at his desk by 8am, and so not doing any parenting in the mornings.

He was the most junior guy on the team and never had to be in that early, he could have rocked in at 10 and it would have been fine. He just liked to get a seat on the train and couldn't on later ones,

He was such a twat on the phone to her, I'm sorry if he's your husband.

I used to be a City lawyer and there were plenty of men who could’ve got home earlier to see their kids if they hadn’t gone for a long lunch or swung by each others’ offices for lengthy chats about nothing important.

There were some days when they genuinely had loads of work and had no option but to stay late, but on the days when they were less busy, they definitely didn’t rush home.

These are all great (if horrific) examples. We had one in our office who was CONVINCED he was crucial to the operation (we had approx...80 people doing the exact same work as him) and so he would always 'have' to start early/stay late to do things himself (despite our line of work literally being set up precisely so it can be handed over and done by literally anyone else extremely easily with minimal effort) leaving his partner to pick up the pieces. It was very clear from conversations with her at parties etc that he was telling her that we were begging/guilting him into coming in!

We also had TWO seperate men who we found out via conversatioms at out of work events etc had told their wives that the company wouldnt let them change their working hours to help with childcare/pickup/dropoff. They hadnt asked. And shift changes were common and approved 99% of the time.

One of DH's friends is perfectly open that he times his leaving the house and returning to the house so he can avoid dealing with breakfasts and school runs and bath and bed.

He's self employed and earns a third of his wife who is in the City. He also has one of those masculine hobbies that sees him away for most of the weekend.

My DH is one of those. He’s middle management but thinks he’s indispensable. He won’t take his full holiday allocation because he has too much work. Stays at work an extra hour every night for the same reason. Won’t ask for flexible hours to take DC to school. He likes to appear competent and dedicated even though his life isn’t in a position where he can do that because he has other responsibilities.

Basically he wants to portray himself like the other high earning executives who have housewives at home and focus solely on work. I told him he can’t have the freedom those guys have because he doesn’t earn the money they earn and he doesn’t support a wife who doesn’t need to work. He’s a dick.

We also had TWO seperate men who we found out via conversatioms at out of work events etc had told their wives that the company wouldnt let them change their working hours to help with childcare/pickup/dropoff. They hadnt asked.
I think a lot of men feel it’s emasculating and hinders their career prospects. A lot of them still expect to have a 50s style wife looking after the home and kids while they progress at work.

My boss tried to get out of jury duty because she was so important. She a fairly senior manager (I like the term meddle manager) but we barely notice when she goes on leave let alone any more serious repercussions!!

My H had his own building company, left before it got light & got home after dark, often in the office with his co-owner brother, sitting around & chewing the cud with various other blokes.
When I saw him on site he was usually standing chatting while the employees worked,
Stopping at the builders merchants for a chat & coffee..
Lots of hot air.
Never ever lifted a finger once inside the house.
Couldn't even put a spoon in the dishwasher, his participation was "running a business"
Indolent bastard

I know of a now divorced couple with one of these 'very important man' jobs... wife was a higher management civil servant and the very important, work comes above all else, can't possibly run the hoover round because he's tired from work husband worked 16 hours a week as bar staff in a chain pub.

I'm not saying working in a pub (or hospitality and retail) isn't hard, but plenty do it and still manage basic life tasks.

My husband is head of trading in a city bank, but fortunately that means he’s senior enough to set his own hours, and does his fair share at home.

I’m senior management in banking too; it’s quite nice both understanding the details of each other’s work.

Agree on both. Whats deeply irritating about these two is that it 100% was not about career prospects (as we had plenty of opportunity they would have been able to pursue but neither showed any interest) so it was entirely male ego/laziness at play as you say.
What makes it even more frustrating is that this happened in an office where we regularly promoted people who had been part time/unusual shift setups/just off maternity leave/about to go on maternity leave, and these two wasted it, wasted the chance to support their wives/family when a lot of people would kill to have that kind of environment/opportunity/flexibility.