What do you do when one of your children has form for lying…

[Anothernameforallthis]

… and you are sure he’s done something and is lying about it - but you have no proof?

Two boys, the older one has a history of telling porkies when it suits him - to get out of trouble mostly - and the younger one does not. Four ice-creams in the freezer. Two given out by me yesterday, only one left today. I’m almost certain the older one has eaten it but he strenuously denies it. I have no proof at all either way.

WWYD?

Does it matter? Eat the last one when they’re in bed and remind him of this when you next catch him in a lie.

You tell him that his history of lying means that you do not believe him, and you give him whatever punishment. You don't need proof, your house isn't a court of law.

Nothing 🤷🏻‍♀️ punishing without proof won't work, and tbh your younger one probably gets away with more than you think!

My DS would lie to my face even when I had the evidence in my hand. So now I just don’t believe a word he says.

Literally nothing. Eat the last ice cream my self and get on with my life

So 1 child is permanently marked as a liar, other child sweet and innocent who would never do this. Do you treat them like this all the time? Any chance 'innocent one' knows this and knows 'liar' will always be blamed for everything?

It's an ice cream. You get a grip.

It’s not bout the ice cream, it’s about the lying.

That seems risky… there's a chance he's telling the truth, in which case what he takes from this is that he might as well do whatever he likes since he's going to be blamed for everything anyway.

Have you asked DH? He would be my first suspect in our house TBH.

I’d sort of ignore the ice cream thing (apart from eating the last one myself!). There wouldn’t be any ice creams in the freezer for a few weeks ‘it’s a shame but they just go missing!’

However the lying in general thing I would address. I would talk to them about how lying is not a good idea because: it’s embarrassing if you get caught out, it’s an easy habit to get into but that we have to push against, if you lie at work you might get fired, you might get into legal trouble etc etc. The truth is almost always simpler and makes life easier (unless it involves being particularly unkind.)

Eh, or he takes away the message that if you lie, people won't believe you when you tell the truth. Which is the truth, as demonstrated by this post. It's something all liars have to figure out eventually.

Exactly.
What would you do in this situation OP, and you were wrong? Apologise and deal with your other son, or just 'mheh'?

That happened in my house. The freezer got locked and the key hidden by me until the truth came out. It took about 7 minutes.

one of mine does tell the odd porky but I can tell and can normally break them!!

What I did was… lecture them both jointly about lying (as there is no prof either way but the person who ate it knows that they did) then I cut the ice cream in half and they had half each.

So no one entirely deprived but no one unjustly accused either.

I'd would've eaten the remaining ice cream and left it at that.

Yeah, but people don't always learn the lesson you hope they'll learn, which is why I described the strategy as risky

don't buy any more.

When they ask for an icecream, lie "I bought lots yesterday, but someone must have eaten them all ".

I wouldn't act on the assumption without proof - having your dm assume you are in the wrong (whether you are or not) seems more damaging than an ice cream thief getting away scot free.

I think you handled it perfectly.

I think the poster who says not to buy ice creams for a while with a pointed comment about how they go missing is spot on. If taking the ice creams sneakily means they get less ice cream, it's not worth it.

My cousin had similar situation with her two kids when they were younger. Eldest child an angel and younger one known to tell lies. They found scribbling on the wall eldest child’s room. Eldest child denied it and so did younger child. They assumed it was the younger child who was lying and hounded her for hours till she “confessed”. Later that night they found another section of scribbles which included words… and only the eldest child was at school and able to write actual words…

Yep same in this house lol

Your options for now are:

1. Lie detector
2. Truth serum
3. Hypnotic trance interrogation
4. Bribe his friend to ask about it while wearing a wire
5. If in time, stool analysis for ice cream traces

To avoid future situations where you don't have the necessary intel, I'd suggest covert household CCTV and an intra family informant network.

You forgot Miss Trunchbull"s 'Chokie' (sp!) @RoscoePeachPie was that not how she found out re food thieves?!

mine are of an age where for reasonable trivial (but still very irritating stuff like this) I just stroke my chin and say "is that riiiiiight?", so they know I know, and then remind them later when they want something from me that I'm still waiting to work out whatever little mystery happened. Usually works.