Ok so… my child started at a nursery & quickly became friends with another child lets call him Leo. Leos mum was very friendly & quickly invited us out for a play date. I was so happy my little one had made a friend as we are new to the area & knew no one.
Their friendship escalated quickly, we’d be out with them 3-4 times a week. This is with me also declining about 3 play dates a week.
As we all got more comfortable with each other i soon realised we (as in the parents) all had very different ethics. They would swear & smoke(and discuss drugs) around my child & also started to tell my son off if he was grumpy and not playing ball.
I started to get uncomfortable with how they were around my children, especially when they started to push my son out & would tell him to move away whilst their son made “ moves” (their words) on my THREE year old daughter (as in putting his arm around her) at one point when Leo asked my daughter for a kiss & she said no then Leo’s parents both started saying “oh don’t be mean” so then I had to intervene and say very politely that No means No and it’s something we all need to learn because come on I owe it to my children to teach them these things even if it makes others feel slightly uncomfortable.
My husband & I had a chat and decided we needed to spend less time together (not cut off all contact, they’re in the same class after all) but to start having more boundaries. Luckily the 6 weeks were coming up so the plan was to have a few play dates over the 6 weeks & then as they started full time school id refuse play dates most nights based on homework etc
The last day of nursery came and they’d pretty much assumed they were coming to our house but I explained we couldn’t do that afternoon as going out (this was true) I didn’t hear anything off them for a couple of weeks but thought I saw her at the shop so I waved but we were in the car, so I messaged saying I think i just saw you? I didn’t really want to but I was very conscious these people were going to be in my life through school for a long time so didn’t want to be impolite but she didn’t reply.
Since my son started reception they’ve basically cut all ties with us. I’d say hi in the mornings/pick up & at first she would act very off & mutter hi but it quickly turned in to her ignoring me.
I’ve changed the time I go to pick up now so we don’t both arrive at the same time, she is there before me and when she passes me she doesn’t even look my way.
Although I knew something was up and she was being very cold towards me I decided to act as if nothing was wrong & always greet her with my usual happy Hi as I didn’t want to escalate things and be off with her or even acknowledge anything was happening, half hoping it would fizzle out & she’d just act polite back to me but that’s not the case.
The other day the children were playing in the yard before school & her son was playing with mine running around & she shouted “Leo stop playing with… everyone” when he was only playing with my son. I heard sniggers but didn’t bother looking and pretended I was pre occupied with my daughter on the jungle gym.
She’s since made friends with two other mums from the same class & I know she’s poising them against us.
She’s a little younger than me & I know this seems all very petty but I am very anxious about the school runs now. I try not to lift my eyes off my daughter or the floor until it’s my sons turn to come out incase I make eye contact with them.
My son is very friendly with another boy now, his mum seems very mature (think she’s a little older than me) our ethics are definitely more aligned. I have suggested we make a few play dates soon, i should have done it sooner but tbh I’m scared of another fallout.
It’s a very very small village school & I’m devastated it’s come to this already. My husband reminds me we are adults & their opinions of us have no meaning to us but I can’t help but feel bad for my son who won’t get invited to at least 4 peoples birthdays based on this mums crusade against me.
There was also a mutual parent friend who would attend most of our play dates & they have removed me off social media but say hi in the playground. She however hasn’t removed me from social media & I really want her too. I filter her out when I post anything so she doesn’t see but I don’t want to make the first move because i don’t want to cause any more problems.
Talking to her will do nothing, she doesn’t even make eye contact with me. She’s very immature & if I tried to chat to her about it I think it would just fuel the situation by providing more gossip content for her and the other parents.
i haven’t told any other parents at the school about this, I’m trying to be the bigger person.
Has anyone got any advise?
Also if you have made it this far thank you so much for reading 😘