I like neither of my options. Which do I take?

[justonemorego]

I work in a low paid job, part-time job with no hope of pay progression or promotion. The job is a permanent job but insecure due to its dependence on external factors. I had hoped the job would be a good development opportunity and would help me to move onto a better job elsewhere, but it has not worked out like that. I don’t feel I am learning anything in this job, though this may improve as Senior manager has just started to mentor me.

The job is quite low stress most of the time, and extremely flexible and I like my colleagues. I have junior school age children and I can work pretty much when I want and I work half my normal hours in the school holidays. I love this.
The bit of my life I like!

I also want to leave my husband but realistically cannot until I have a better job.
I am 50.

I have been offered an interview for a job I do not want. However the FTE pay starts at £2k more than my current pay and will raise to £6k more than that. It is a secure job with a good pension. I started off working in this sector 30 years ago and didn’t like it. I have no interest in the field the work is in. Although there is a part of this job I would like better than the other bits (though more if I could apply this particular skill in a different field). Overall, my heart sinks at the thought of doing this job, and I would find it depressing and, within myself, humiliating to go into this work again. I could not progress in this sector as I have not real aptitude or interest in it.

I have been trying to get another job for about two years with no success.

I also struggle to get everything done even working part-time and the house is a tip. However, I do have hobbies I go to and get plenty of sleep, and love the extra time I get with my children through flexible working. I just feel like my life will be more secure but even more miserable if I get this job, as the time and energy for the only bits of my life I like will disappear, as working in a job I hate dominates my time. I have to work hard at keeping my mental health up and worry I will not be able to do this in this new job. But then if I don’t take the job if offered, I am stuck in an insecure situation, facing a difficult old age and worry that I will never be able to afford to leave H.

I feel like I SHOULD take the job if offered but don’t want to.

So do I take up the job interview?

Don't go for a job you know you will be miserable doing.

Sometimes people have to take a job they hate because it's the only one available to them, but that isn't the case for you. Your present job may not be ideal but the hours suit you and allow you to have a good life in other ways.

Hang on in there and hopefully the 'right' job will come along soon.

Thanks. My fear is that the right job might not come along. And at my age, it gets harder and harder to get an interview, let alone a job. I feel my current job gives me little to sell as there is no real role for initiative, so I worry about getting more trapped in it.

I fear looking back and thinking, 'I really should have gone for that job. It would have given me security, a pension and the ability to leave my husband a few years down the line.' Whereas now I am stuck in insecure limbo.

That's my fear of not taking it. Though I have fears of taking it too!

In your position, I'd take the job. The financial benefits would outweigh the negatives, especially given you want to divorce and need the funds. It wouldn't have to be forever.

What is stopping you from leaving your husband? Would he not leave the home? Do you not own currently?
As for the job, you have to do what makes you happy...go for the interview and decide from there x

Stick with your current job and keep looking. I wouldn't touch the new job with a bargepole.

Have you started quietly getting your ducks in a row, gathering information about finances, so you can enquire with one or two solicitors about what you could reasonably expect in a fair settlement? Consider that if the children stay with you most of the time you will probably be entitled to child maintenance and Universal Credit.

Do the sums first before giving up your current low-stress, flexible job. A bit of stability and flexibility may well be just what you need if and when you divorce.

Neither option makes me happy. Happy is not an option I have. Hence my dilemma!

God this sucks! It absolutely sucks!

I would take the new job with the view of sticking it out for two years -- long enough to leave your husband, get some more financial security, and put yourself in a position to apply for another well-paid job that you will enjoy more.

I know it's miserable working a job you don't like but A) maybe it won't be as bad as you think, and B) if you know it's only temporary it might be less stressful.

Sorry meant to add -- I do think it's relevant that you're 50. I am as well and it is NOT easy to get any job at this age. If you turn down this opportunity, I think you would end up regretting it later.

This. It sounds as if you're not actually ready to leave and the job is an excuse/distraction. If you did get the job would you then say to yourself 'oh I need x to happen then I'll leave', followed when x happens by 'oh I need y to happen' etc.

If you want to leave him, leave him. Stop letting other people or circumstances control your life.

you say you'd hate the job, is it against your morals or just something you don't enjoy?
I'm vegetarian so working in the meat industry I would hate because it's against my morals. I'd also hate a job in hospitality, but it's not against my morals.

so it, for me, largely depends why you'd hate it.

if I really wanted to leave my DH & get some financial stability, I'd take a better paid job over a cushy one. I'm a couple of years older than you, so I agree you need to be clear what NOT taking this job may well mean for your future!!

remember, you don't have to stay there for life, you can keep looking, but from a better position!!

I'm not sure why you applied for a job you don't like! Is there any way you could keep your current job and integrate it with something else?

No, its not against my morals. Just I have no aptitude for it and no interest in it. To generalise, I am interested in people and this is job about physical things. I do not have a spatial or mechanical or ' things' brain at all. I would not be making things but I would be working with people who do, and the job is supporting enabling the thing making.

I've thought about this, but because my hours are different at different parts of the year, it means I am almost fulltime for months at a time, which makes it hard to take on a second job.

I'm not sure why you applied for a job you don't like

Limited options!

Very depressing to read that being 50 is working against you to find a job, selfishly I was hoping ace was no longer an issue when applying.
Op don't take the shitty job.

Yes it does. I'm actually quite familiar with the data and research on this. And actually, age discrimination affects women from a younger age than men. And I know friends affected by this too. I'm still quite taken aback by it though. Jobs I've applied for that 20 years ago I would definitely got an interview and had a good chance of being offered, I'm now not even getting an interview for.

I think if you’re already worried you won’t like it then don’t take it!

Your current job seems pretty good especially the flexibility you have!

I would stay put and think about other options - retraining, becoming SE etc. there are lots of options out there.

I’d focus on getting more organised so you can keep on top of the housework (this will be making you feel down) and then I’d look into careers you may like to do and how you’d get there - look on indeed for current jobs just to see what’s out there and if your skills can transfer.
Once you’re able to keep on top of the housework etc you’ll be able to do an online course or have a hobby that generates an income.

I’m another one who found this to be true. It doesn’t matter how many qualifications and what experience you have, once you are over 50 you are considered past it.
Ok I am sure some one will come along and say they were headhunted at 60; but I’m am sure that’s only very specialised jobs not ordinary jobs.

Don't go for the new job. The impact on your quality of life would be horrendous. May I ask, why do you want to leave your husband? Have you been feeling this way for long? Launching into a new job that you hate isn't setting up good conditions for a new life. And you never know what is round the corner (easy to say, I realise).

I wrote a long post and was about to post when the bloody page died on me.

Basically I said that I think I need to be realistic about the need to secure my future financially. Beggars can't be choosy. I am not 30 or 40 but 50 and could easily find myself in a few years with no job at all and pretty much unemployable in the eyes of employers.
If I am offered a better paid, more secure job with a pension I need to take it. The practical repercussions of not doing so are too hazardous.

I’m mid 50s and my career has finally taken off. I don’t feel discriminated against due to age. I never think “I’m too old”. The OP shouldn’t think of age as a barrier, or it will become one. For all the firms that write you off as old, there will be another that values your experience. Plenty of jobs out there!

And yes it is depressing. Especially when 50 year olds probably have 20 years to go before pension age!

Don't do it. Life is too short to be miserable and it sounds as though you have a good balance at the moment. You're managing other areas of your life and not overwhelmed by work.

The leaving your relationship is a separate issue, and I doubt you'd find the motivation when you're utterly miserable

God well I wish I hadn't opened this thread. I was hoping to find a new job this year but it seems I'm lucky to have my part time admin role and all the extra qualifications I've done are pointless. Got I'm even more depressed now.

But I am very unhappy. Well, I can be very happy in the moment - doing something nice with my kids or out at something I enjoy. But there is this deep underlying anxiety and stress and fear really. That I am sleep walking into disaster. Whilst trying to pretend it isn't happening by blocking it out with 'fun' stuff.

I guess the two important things in life are 'quality of life' and financial security. I feel I have to chose between the two. (though quality of life is tempered by the mental anxiety caused by my financial situation and security. And living with H).