Help me have a routine

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

I live alone with my 4 yr old DS. I have quite a stressful full time job although I’m hoping things will start to calm down soon.

My home life is chaotic. I have a cleaner who comes once a week and that forces me to tidy, but things are messy in the meantime.

I have no real set bed/meal routine.

I hate to cook and end up eating scrambled eggs on toast/crisps/sandwiches. DS has 3 meals a day at pre school so when is he back I only have to give him snacks like cheese, chicken, yoghurt. He ends up watching tv when he gets home which I don’t mind as he doesn’t watch at pre school. I sometimes have a shower or end up working while he is still awake and before bed.

In the mornings he wakes up before me and so ends up waking me up around 6am. I need to change , do my hair, make up etc. I give him cereal and then he is on his tablet. When I’m ready I change him and we leave the house.

It’s pretty chaotic though as he will eat his cereal but then want more food shouting at me to get him snacks so I’m snapping at him as I have to go down to get him a banana or rice cake. His shoes bag etc are all over the place as are mine. We are always in a rush.

This sounds ridiculous but it just doesn’t feel like a healthy environment. It’s not how I was brought up. My mum was on top of things . I’m not and I don’t feel present. I will need to start making him meals and also he is a bit scruffy at pre school but I need to make more of an effort with his uniform at school.

Could someone spell out their routine? I don’t know how to occupy him while sorting myself out. It sounds silly but I feel enormous guilt. I have suffered from depression in the past and it’s my nature to be chaotic / have no routine/not cook etc.but I don’t want that for DS.

Mine us youner but:

I shower before bed so in the morning only dress-comb hair-brush teeth.

I make snacks during breakfast and put them in tupperware for later (dd eats better at second breakfast) and I do my make up during breakfast.

Mine still naps so i already make dinner and clean during afternoon nap. I also cook double portions to save time so we either eat the same thing twice in a row or I freeze it and often reheat a healthy homemade freezer meal. I

Posted before I was done. In the evening I put the prepared dinner in the oven or reheat it in the microwave. So I basically make dinner in the afternoon (once every two days) but we eat it in the evening. On busy days I prepare dinner the evening before and then put it in the oven when I get home the next day.

i am not a single parent but I do a lot of the house/kids stuff, I work FT in a full on job. It has been vastly easier since I wfh. It is very challenging. No one is perfect though - even the best organised mum can lose control and chaos reigns for a week or so until you pull it back on track.

My tips are:

• have a very organised hallway. We have a basket from Wilco for each kids shoes, hats, gloves, school bag etc. Wet shoes are left by the door. Train your kids to put stuff here when they come in. Becomes automatic.


• hooks-with-a-shelf for your coat, umbrella, bag. On the shelf you put your keys, wallet, outgoing mail, etc


• get a washing machine with a timer if at all possible. If you time it to finish when you are free to empty the machine, you can nearly guarantee no ironing necessary. For winter use a heated drying rack, in summer try to line dry.


• look up threads on meal planning, batch cooking and quicK family meals. It will revolutionise how you manage dinner time.


• pick up kids from nursery/after school club at 5pm (short lunch break to make that possible). Home 5.20pm.


• Aim for Dinner on table by 5.45pm - kids play or watch TV while I prep. Kids help lay the table - I organised a cupboard low down so they can reach plates and cups (if ds aged 3 chooses me a plastic plate and cup, so be it!)


• Dinner is done by 6.15 ish. We eat in the kitchen, so I eat fast and clear up while they are finishing their fruit/yoghurt


• then we play, go for a bike ride, whatever until 7pm. If kids are playing happily without me I will get on with chores


• Around 7pm it is bath for dc age 3. While he is in bath I check weather forecast and any admin for home or school/ nursery.


• while I’m getting dc to clean teeth and put on PJs I also pull out outfits for tomorrow, including mine if I have time


• Then stories and bed around 7.30om to 7.45pm. My older dc does homework, showers herself and gets herself in pjs then reads or watches Netflix or plays


• once dc age 3 is in bed, I swing into action:


• sweep kitchen, wipe surfaces, rubbish out if it is collection next day


• put out tomorrow’s breakfast things (water in kettle and teabag in mug)


• clean reusable water bottles and put by sink ready to refill in the morning


• empty lunchboxes and refill with the non perishable bits for tomorrow’s lunch


• fold laundry if any has been drying. I don’t iron, so I put mine away and leave dc clothes in a cupboard upstairs to put away next day


• put laundry in washing machine and set timer to finish by 6.30am


• Ten minute tidy of living areas, put devices on charge, etc


• then I get dc2 to bed, read stories etc for 9.30pm


• after that it is shower and bed for me


• next morning up between 6am and 7am.


• make sandwiches for lunch, fill water bottles, chat to the kids while kids eat breakfast


• nag kids to get dressed and clean teeth (usually have to help dc age 3). Quickly get ready myself while kids struggle with getting dressed and putting pjs in their room or the laundry basket. I keep the laundry basket downstairs but my kids are useless at putting them there - still training them to do this right!


• laundry out on line or drying rack - because I get it out right after the wash finishes I do not do any ironing at all as it is not creased


• get out of freezer anything I need to defrost for dinner


• Check bags all packed for the day then leave house around 8am

This is basically my structure for the day, it absolutely fails if my evenings go wrong

Weekends are also critically important for getting on top big household things, batch cooking, gardening etc. But also important to find time to go to the park, visit relatives, parties/play dates.

I shop almost exclusively online so that can be done in the evenings. I book a regular day for my online shop to be delivered, so I get in a habit of finalising the order with everything I need for the next week.

I keep have a small stash of kids’ birthday cards, gifts and wrapping paper which I buy in sales online or on the odd occasions I go to shops, so when party invites appear I don’t have to rush to find a gift.

Oh and once my dc started school, I bought a big A3 paper family calendar and it is on the wall in the kitchen. I enter everything on this calendar - birthdays, appointments, school term dates, parties, a reminder a month before my MOT is due - everything. I find it is much easier to schedule play dates if I can see ahead how busy my weeks are - otherwise I never get around to setting things up for my older dd (I don’t bother for my youngest yet).

Rough guide:

up and shower while he watches tv
get him washed and dressed then down for breakfast. Get snack/water bottle/bag for nursery ready while he eats
back up to watch tv/tablet while you finish getting ready
out the door

come home prep dinner while he watches tv, I’ve started using hello fresh because it’s easy and quick and requires minimal thinking.
get him setting the table.
quick tidy up of dinner bits then a play/homework/read
bedtime routine

once in bed finish tidying up the kitchen and get your stuff ready for the next day

very simplistic but works here.

top tips: start him early on tidying up after himself, don’t be picking up his shoes and jacket off the hallway floor, show him where they go. Just repeat it (everyday if needs be!) but don’t do it for him. Same with his plate after dinner, he takes it to the side/loads it into the dishwasher etc.

To add, I’d alternate evenings for washing: on the airer one evening, taken off the next.