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Original poster

Is constant drama normal

18 replies

hooveringeveryday · 20/06/2022 19:55

In my extended family there is always drama. This person falling out with that. This person being mean / in trouble / cruel and so on.

There's rarely a month where someone hasn't upset someone else. There seems to be a coupling people in the middle of this. My DM is always dealing with it - or sorting it out.

I've had my share of relationships issues, but been left to deal with alone, which fine. But always used as a source of gossip of entertainment for the drama.

It's taken me a long time but I've got myself a great job, a house, a healthy relationship and just want a peace, happy life.

I don't want to feed into the drama so have minimised contact, but now they are worrying about how I'm reacting and my mental health because I'm not engaging.

Is this normal? I suspect very much not, but I do question myself as it's happened my entire life.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 20/06/2022 19:55

No, it's really not.

oldestmumaintheworld · 20/06/2022 19:56

No it isn't.

DogsAndGin · 20/06/2022 19:57

My family is the same. But no, it’s not normal

Oestrogelsmuggler · 20/06/2022 20:01

Sounds like the family is full of people with emotional disregulation of various kinds. Some people thrive on drama, but this is because they're not functioning very maturely. It may also be the sign you have a narcissist or two in the family. Your best bet is to maintain the boundaries you've put into place, and not allow them to hoover you back in to the drama.

wonderingWallaby · 20/06/2022 20:04

Personally I would say yes it is normal in the sense that it is common, but it most certainly is not healthy. I know of many many dysfunctional families, in fact I probably know more dysfunctional than healthy

Original poster
hooveringeveryday · 20/06/2022 20:15

I find exhausting and emotionally very draining.
But I'm guilted back in all the time.
My DM seems to thrive on the drama and being centre of attention but moans about it constantly.

I look at my friends relationships with their families, I accept there are occasional fall outs but never to this degree.

My DM puts it on others and takes no responsibility and if questioned or pulled up on it I'm being difficult, unreasonable or silly.

OP posts:
AtLeastPretendToCare · 20/06/2022 20:16

Sounds like a load of drama llamas. Not normal and not necessary.

vinoandbrie · 20/06/2022 20:17

Not normal.

11Hawkins · 20/06/2022 20:18

My in laws are like this. It's not normal. I went no contact with all but two of them for my own sanity.

Changechangychange · 20/06/2022 20:20

Not normal. DM is permanently outraged about something, but external stuff like the bins. We haven’t really had arguments since I moved out at 18 (and those arguments were “why can’t I stay out late I’m 17” stuff).

BogRollBOGOF · 20/06/2022 20:30

I've got one relative who loves drama, checks in to A&E, "DM me hun", passive aggressive posts about true friends etc. She's been dramatic since childhood and hasn't calmed down. Being hyperactive was on the radar 30 years ago, and E numbers were avoided but it's made little difference. She doesn't see the problem and isn't interested in investigating it despite the toll on relationships.
Most family try to keep their head down and avoid.

One other has trauma/ attachment issues and has had her moments, but it's not so much a fundamental part of her nature.

It's not healthy to dredge up every ounce of drama possible.

WitchWithoutChips · 20/06/2022 20:33

No, it isn’t normal, and it sounds like your mum is the common denominator.

JamesBlond · 20/06/2022 20:37

I hear this. Just posted about something similar. Didn’t elaborate but this all sounds so familiar.
I really think the only way is to dig your heels in and be distant and breezy. Shut down anything that tries to draw you into drama so the message gets through - that’s what I want to do but it’s harder than it sounds.

Ilikewinter · 20/06/2022 20:59

My SIL is like this, MIL was just as bad and they would feed off each other, however now MIL is no longer here she projects her dramas onto DH & I, neither of us get involved, the latest is all over facebook but its those drip feed threads, we havent responded to any 🙈

Purplepeg · 20/06/2022 21:12

Oestrogelsmuggler · 20/06/2022 20:01

Sounds like the family is full of people with emotional disregulation of various kinds. Some people thrive on drama, but this is because they're not functioning very maturely. It may also be the sign you have a narcissist or two in the family. Your best bet is to maintain the boundaries you've put into place, and not allow them to hoover you back in to the drama.

Agree with this. In my family we all get on with very little drama but it was a bit of a shock with DH’s family and how much drama goes on. Over the years I suspect his mum is bipolar with narcissistic tendencies and DH has co dependency issues. It’s definitely not normal.

CharSiu · 20/06/2022 22:30

It’s normal for them and recognising it’s not healthy and stepping away is good.

buntywindermere · 20/06/2022 22:43

There's always something going on with someone on a branch of our family tree, but DM is one of 6 and I've 20 first cousins, I am one of 6, and DH is one of 8, so there's just a heck of a lot more people to get on with (or not) or for stuff to be going on with. We're all fairly functional though I'd say! Thankfully the gossip doesn't dominate conversations when people are together though, I think I'd struggle with that.

Hawkins001 · 20/06/2022 22:59

Depends on the family and personalities.

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