My job is making me utterly depressed

[PinkandGreenOwl]

I took on a nanny position a few ago with a local family. My original contract and condions were good but over the past few years everything was chipped away. It was a slow. I didn't see it at first. They tapped on extras here and there and it was thing where condions were away and extra hours often unpaid were tapped on.

Looking at my contract was drawn up years ago, I didn't see it at the time but it was written by a psychopath.

I would receive a set wage for approx hours a week but I will be required to work some evenings and weekends and overnights. Some weeks I will work less. The two will cancel each other out.

So I am getting a set wage every week whether I work 30 to 40 hours or more.

The issue is I never really did work less than 30 hours but there has been plenty of weeks where I worked 50 + hours. None of it really balanced out.

The issue isn't the pay as such. There too much hours expected of me. I went into work last Sunday, stayed the night and it was 10 O clock on Monday night by the time I finished. The days that followed were more balanced about 8 to 9 hours Tues to Friday. Still Monday was long and hard. The mother was trying to get me to again on Saturday but I had to oum foot down and tell her no.

I am just after getting this week's schedule by text and once more it's social activities here and there outside of their work. So dinner, concert, and wedding.

It's me picking up in their home when they don't want to parent.

I don't have the stamina to work like this anymore. To go into work and not know whether I will be working 8 or more and more. To go into work and hardly see an end to a work week. It's wrong.

The mother was trying to book me for next weekend and I definitely declined her request. Just for her to send me a message with a reminder to say that I am working on Saturday.

They usually do top up my weekly wage with a 50 for a weekend overnight.
The low wage isn't an issue as such. It's the hours and the days.

It's dinners, golf, gigs, and other social activities every single week.

I have my cv done up. Please advise me. I need to give them a notice but I don't know what to tell them in my notice.
I fee like they will sulk and mother boss will definitely do her menopausal temper tantrums in her kitchen for sure.

My job is making me so depressed. Because it's not a job anymore. Not when they think they own me. I'm so sick of it.

Do you actually have to give a reason? You could just simply state you are leaving and give them the required amount of notice.

Good luck with finding a new job, it does sound pretty terrible. You deserve better

Get out. You will easily find other work with better hours. Do not work Saturday.

I wouldn’t overthink this

a few years is quite a long time to spend with one family, let alone one which has treated you so awfully for so long.

I don’t know where abouts in the country you are, but in London, the nanny job market is red hot, and good nannies are able to name their price.

You need to ask them for 10 mins for a word, and tell them that you are handing your notice in.
You have enjoyed your time with the family but it’s time to move on to a new challenge (with fewer hours if you want to make the point)
You will miss the children terribly, and are happy to work with the parents to tell them appropriately
and depending on how they react… either you are happy to work your notice but have a hard stop of x date
or you are happy to work your notice as long as things stay amicable with everyone but you will only be able to work core hours
or you don’t think it would be possible to work beyond the end of the week because you don’t want to work within a difficult atmosphere

If they ask why, probably best to keep it fairly vague and impersonal - maybe pick a few from this list of

• you want a new challenge
• you want fewer hours
• the salary market has moved and you’re able to command a much higher rate with a new job

good luck, your current role sounds miserable

Probably obvious but apply for other jobs, wait till you get an offer somewhere else and THEN hand in your notice. Your notice should just say "I've found another job so am giving my notice of resignation"...

But anyway, your hours situation does sound terrible. From people I know who are carers, this happens a lot when you stay with one family for a long time. They expect you to do loads extra because you're so familiar, but then it never seems to work both ways.

Feel really bad for you if you have a boss who does temper tantrums. It's horrible if you're stuck in the house with her. But hopefully it your notice isn't too long!

They have been taking you for granted. Be firm, polite and keep to the facts. If you just want to pack it in and you can afford to leave without something else lined up, just say you want a break from work. Don't make it personal. Good luck with whatever you do next.

Also, have they been paying your tax and NI properly..?

have you had proper pay slips during your time there?

If it was up to them I wouldn't be allowed home.

I was taken on a few years go so that the parents could work but over time more was tagged on. Their social life I incredible. The hardest part is that there's no let up from them.
They could easily shave that schedule down in half if they wanted to but they won't.

Also, if they are the only family you’ve worked for, you ought to try and keep it civil so you can use them for a future reference

I have hired several nannies and have always spoken to their previous family for a reference, with the exception of one, who had left under a cloud

fortunately she had another family I could speak to, but I wouldn’t have hired her unless I was able to have some sort of reference, and I think that’s pretty standard for families employing nannies

Leave op, they’re CF’s! I’m sure you’ll easily find another job. Your mental health is much more important.

Have you calculated whether they are actually paying you the national minimum wage? And as another pp said, do you get payslips showing tax and NI deductions? What about holiday and/or sick pay? Do they pay that?

They are absolutely taking the mickey.

When my working weeks tip over into 60 to 70 hours, there's no way my wage is the minimum wage per hour. It would be about 3/4 pounds an hour.

I get paid a set wage every week. Sometimes they top me up by 50 but its not the minimum wage or even time and a half.

It's been a few years since I was allowed a week off and they haven't paid me either for a holiday pay.

It written on contract about sick days but even sick days are begrudged

During the summer last year and they had so much on, I got genuinely sick and I was begrudged two days off. I got them off but mother boss wasn't happy about her plans being impacted.

They sound like awful people. You don’t have to give them a reason if you don’t want to. Just find another job (or not) and inform them you are giving one months notice to leave.

You haven't been 'allowed' a week off for a few years?

Even without all the other piss taking of your good nature, that's outrageous (and possibly unlawful, given that they are your employers).

Get that CV out asap.

I have to go to the airport and get on a plane to get time off.
I had a holiday booked from the start of the pandemic but that didn't go ahead and ever since then life has all been work.
If I reman in the country she's trying to get a hold of me.

Everyone else worried about inflation and bills and the only thing they are worried about is their next child free day out and child free weekend away and child free social activities.

They could easily shave their schedule down in have? Like is there really a need to go out so often?

Get a new job, hand your notice in "time to move on to a new family"

The woman I work for, I used to think she was a nice lady and she can b at times but the sulking and the temper tantrums is unreal. She left something in the hall last week and to be honest it didn't register with me. She came home from work to start getting ready for a night out with her friends and when she was ready she found that item still in the hall. It was her coffee cup that she left from her car in the hall that morning. She sulking and shouting about her coffee cup still in the hall.

I'm sick of picking up after another adult when that was never my job.

I'm sick of her temper tantrums about laundry when I do as much as I can within the limitations of the machine and hanging drying space that I have. If she wasn't so busy with her time maybe she could even out on a wash or two herself.

I remember an episode from last January and I should have walked on the spot right there and then but I didn't. Basically I was working Christmas eve but I had Christmas day off and boxing day off. I might had the day after that off too.
Then I went back to work and I was allowed New years day off.

By new years weeks she was shouting at me about the pile up of laundry around the home. I had a few days off around Christmas and new years. I did as much as I could do in between but clearly it wasn't enough for her and all she could do was sulk and scold me for the laundry baskets piling up.

I was thinking what the hell was sh doing over those days how she couldn't do a laundry wash herself. There's even a teenager in the family. How about her? Can she not put on a wash.
Itbas completely over the top.

Please leave. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you in many ways.

Go to the citizens advice for advice
You are eligible of holiday pay/pay for untaken holidays. They will support you to apply for it (through possible legal action)

Why haven't you ever just explained and moved back to the original contact? Why has it mean work to death then quit?

Are you a UK citizen? Are they?

I always enjoyed helping but over the past week I think I am becoming depressed and losing my mind. Last Monday was such a long day for me. I was in their kitchen at 7.30 am that morning and it was 10pm at night by the time I finished at went home. When I got in home, I broke down and lost my mind in my kitchen. I was hitting my face, pulling my hair, smashing things in rage. A 10 O clock finish was just too much. I also knew if I was in an other job I would have been allowed home hours before that. It was too much for me.

She's texted me this weeks schedule and I am so sick of it. Dinner, golf, wedding on top of their work and it's me they want to be a take over parent 24/7 when they don't want to parent.

I'm so sick of it. I don't have anyone to pick up my laundry when I am in their home from morning til evening/nighttime. I don't have anyone to let me away for a dinner or a concert or a social activity once a month. Never mind every week.

Im just after checking my messages and calendar. I already booked from Sunday the 3rd to live in for a week.

Iit was up to them, I would be going into work tomorrow and my next day off might be on Saturday the 2nd of July or Sunday the 10th of July.

I never signed up to work like. To give nearly 24/7 of my life into a job. It wouldn't be too bad if I got paid properly.

I don't know anyone else going into a job and only sniffing a day or two off a month.

You're not a nanny, you're a modern day slave.