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Protective friend....or?

10 replies

LongPath · 19/06/2022 13:42

I was at a party last night, I had a flipping brilliant time. About 150 people in total, but only a dozen or so I knew.

The "girls" in our group spent a lot of time dancing. I love to dance. I'm not going to claim any great talent, but I have a lot of fun and I also love a man who can dance!

During the evening, somehow I became paired up with a man, who was a really good dancer. I don't know him, not even his name, but we were having fun. He was probably quite a few years younger than me.

I've been a widow for a year. I've made a real effort to get out and about and keep busy/make the most of life, but haven't dated and don't really intend to in the immediate future, although I do like a bit of male attention Blush

Anyway after a few minutes of dancing with this man, a friend marched over and "rescued" me. "FGS who does he think he is" got hold of my arm and literally dragged me away before I realised what was going on. Later in the evening he asked for my number and she was equally outraged by his nerve. (I didn't give it to him, but was flattered, not outraged to be asked!)

He wasn't especially attractive and I'm not especially interested, but in that moment I did not need rescuing. If I'd wanted to get away it would have been very easy.

I'm just wondering at her reaction? How long is appropriate before a widow is allowed some fun with another man?

If it makes a difference she's not a close friend, just one of the few people I knew who happened to be at the party.

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 19/06/2022 14:05

She was out of order. She should have assessed the situation to see if your body language or facial expressions insinuated you wanted or needed 'rescuing'. The fact that you were happy and dancing with this man suggests to me that you did not need anyone to intervene at that point! She read the signs incorrectly.

There's absolutely no time constraints on 'looking', dating or starting a new relationship after loss (or there shouldn't be)!

I'm sorry for your loss, truly, but don't let this one event put you off enjoying yourself again with anyone you choose or at a time you feel comfortable with.

BeHappyItIsEasier · 19/06/2022 14:08

I think she massively misread the situation tbh and was too aggressive. You'd normally at least check by whispering "do you need rescued"? I'm sure I've had that before.

It's completely fine for you to enjoy yourself!

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 14:12

Did she say why?

LongPath · 19/06/2022 14:16

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 14:12

Did she say why?

She just thought he was out of order. I don't know why. She's younger than me, 30s, maybe things are different in a young woman's world, but this kind of thing was normal in my youth (and sometimes the men were out of order, but I don't think this one was). Or maybe she just thinks I'm too old to have fun 😆

OP posts:
BeHappyItIsEasier · 19/06/2022 14:21

Tbf you may have a point re generational differences. I had a colleague v recently who was 20 and her standards in her relationship were quite different to mine (38). Eg, her bf went to work drinks and got drunk and she almost broke up with him (he doesn't have a drink problem or anything and I think they go out drinking and get drunk together - it was him doing it without her was the issue). She also said that a man buying a woman a drink was cheating if he had a gf. It wasn't like that in my day! Men bought women drinks all the time and it didn't mean anything (I don't think)?

LongPath · 19/06/2022 15:07

BeHappyItIsEasier · 19/06/2022 14:21

Tbf you may have a point re generational differences. I had a colleague v recently who was 20 and her standards in her relationship were quite different to mine (38). Eg, her bf went to work drinks and got drunk and she almost broke up with him (he doesn't have a drink problem or anything and I think they go out drinking and get drunk together - it was him doing it without her was the issue). She also said that a man buying a woman a drink was cheating if he had a gf. It wasn't like that in my day! Men bought women drinks all the time and it didn't mean anything (I don't think)?

Maybe. When I was young the main reason to go to a nightclub was to "pull".Young people don't seem to do that now.

In fact, I met DH by being "picked up" on a dance floor 😆

OP posts:
CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 16:54

LongPath · 19/06/2022 14:16

She just thought he was out of order. I don't know why. She's younger than me, 30s, maybe things are different in a young woman's world, but this kind of thing was normal in my youth (and sometimes the men were out of order, but I don't think this one was). Or maybe she just thinks I'm too old to have fun 😆

Then I'd say definitely ask her what she meant.

gingersplodgecat · 19/06/2022 16:58

Perhaps she knew him. Maybe he's married or in a relationship already? That could be why she thought he was out of order.

LongPath · 19/06/2022 17:02

gingersplodgecat · 19/06/2022 16:58

Perhaps she knew him. Maybe he's married or in a relationship already? That could be why she thought he was out of order.

She didn't know him and it didn't matter to me if he was married, we were just dancing, not even intimately.

OP posts:
gingersplodgecat · 19/06/2022 18:09

Oh well, she's just an interfering busybody then.

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