Parents of 10 year boys - help!

[Angelmonkey]

At a bit of a loss on how to manage ds10. He is due to start secondary school in September and I don’t feel he is anywhere near ready! He isn’t the best academically but he loves school and is keen to learn, likes sports and attends scouts. My main concerns are his emotions - he is quick to shout if things don’t go his way or if he is asked to do something he doesn’t want to, will scream or storm off crying, he doesn’t recognise that there are consequences to his actions such as losing screen time or missing an activity. He will often choose to watch programmes such as numberblocks or twirlywoos rather than something aimed at his age group - I worry that this will exclude him from groups at school or lead to bullying if he admits it.
His behaviour at school is good and they have no concerns, it is at home the problems start. I can trust him to walk to and from school by himself or with a friend, he will do homework with much fuss and can be the sweetest , most loving child sometimes - I am just struggling with the flip side! I know it might just be hormones but really not sure how to deal with them!
Any advice gratefully received!

Yeh its a really tricky age, they're caught between being a child and a teenager. My nephew started secondary still believing in Father Christmas, playing with toys etc. He quickly learnt to keep that at home (and not because he was bullied, I think he just picked up the vibe at school that these things aren't considered cool). Your DS sounds like a very normal 10 year old, he'll be absolutely fine.

Sounds normal, and it’s really great he is becoming independent by walking to school. My DS is 11 and about to start secondary. I recognise some of the emotional behaviours.
does your child do activities out of school? My DS has started going to the park and joining football games with whoever is playing. I’d encourage to get him involved in activities and continue building his independence.
Will his school be doing an induction day before the holidays? That could be a good way for him to meet kids in year before starting in Sept.

Have just started reading about this and kids brains around this time in Sarah Ockwell-Smith book ‘Between’. I’m terrified tbh!!

He goes to scouts, plays tennis and does 3 after school clubs. His new school are having 2 taster days which he is excited about, but also has admitted he’s a bit nervous. He knows about 12 other children going so at least there will be some friendly faces there

DS is twice that age now but I still remember the awful feeling of him not being ready to go to secondary school and it was going to be a horrible experience! Especially as not many of his friends were going to the same school.

To be honest there were a few bumps in the road but it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be and DS seemed to grow in confidence and maturity fairly quickly. He’s still incredibly sensitive and not the easiest to talk to at times but he’s off to Uni this year which is something I never thought would happen.

Mines just coming to the end of year 7.
i won’t lie. It’s been a steep learning curve for him! The year 7’s are a lot less mature this year due to covid, their road sense has been bloody terrible, organisation skills also lacking.

i think in general boys struggle more then girls, I think boys could do with another year at primary whilst girls are ready after a term in year 6!

yours will be ok. It will be bumpy, but they’ll be ok. Just let them be kids still at home, allow them to feel a lack of judgement, but also try to broaden horizons into older stuff (appropriate obviously!). They will be exhausted again (think the start of primary tired!) but they’ll get through it, by Easter they will have found their feet properly (sounds a long time, but secondary’s have constant changes to get used to!). Another thing my son struggled with was the teachers being so different to primary, he couldn’t get into the lack of being able to explain something as he was so worried about being told off, punishments feel brutal in secondary. Plus the teachers don’t have the time to know you. Now he can brush it off, as just the teachers way. But that took a while.
It’s bumpy, and some aren’t ready. But they get there. Buckle down, but it will be ok.

He'll be fine. He's acting this way at home because that's where he feels safe and secure. Dd12 loves watching CBeebies although being that bit older it's 'cool' to admit. Lots of the dc will be in the same boat as him going in to high school

He sounds like my 10 year old, i think there are probably quite a few of them like this.

I had a chat with a teacher of my son’s new secondary, and she said most kids hit a wall towards Christmas time as they are exhausted emotionally and the excitement of a new start has died down. So, expect that.

Sounds like you have a well-rounded boy! Also, if he’s still 10, he’s young for his year. My DS turned 12 in March and I’m noticing massive changes in him overnight - need to be more independent, have more time outdoors, be active - seems to have a huge burst of energy, which I read is normal.

My 11yo ds is just coming to end of year 7. I could have written this a year ago and a part of me was scared for him but actually it hasn’t been anywhere near as traumatic as I worried it would be. He’s still very ‘young’ in many ways. His 9yo sister is still one of hos best friends. He still sleeps with his Teddy every night. I think he’s very comfortable in his own skin which helps avoid bullies (but it’s still early days I guess) He’s met a lot of like-minded other boys though so there’s a good-sized group of them. He has learnt the lexicon of teen boys. Some of the language he hears at school is quite…eye opening… but I’m happy he feels he can come and talk to me about it. Your DS will be fine I’m sure.

That’s good to know! My 11yo is so lazy!!

Also a parent to a 10yo DS. He's a July born so a young one.

We see the immaturity of him still being a child wrapped up with the developing hormones and desire for independence. Plus he has ADHD so that adds an interesting aspect to it.

I have no advice and it's often not fun, but you have my sympathy and this might be my new favourite thread.

DS is going for an additional settling in day at his secondary with some others, could you speak to school about that if you feel he'd benefit from it?

DS still sleeps with about a million teddies on his bed (hugging his precious ones) and loves Boss Baby on Netflix. He can do that and go to the park unsupervised after school. The two aren't mutually exclusive and lots will be doing the same.

*Sorry I meant to say my DS turned 11 (not 12) in March.

May I ask if any of you are leaving your Y6 kids at home alone for any period of time? I left mine for an hour and a half last week and had strict rules in place.

My 10yr old ds watched Peppa Pig this morning because he wanted to. I actually enjoyed aswell.

Lots of year 7s are very immature when they start and they soon grow up. Most secondary teachers are much less cushy and tolerant than primary, so any nonsense and they will be put in detention faster than you can cay whingy crybaby. The move will probably do him good. Don't worry about bullies until you have to - most kids find their own way with friends in the end. There will be tough, streetwise kids but there will be nice ones too.

Secondary schools have been seeing Year 7s in September for decades and decades. Teachers will set expectations high. And the rules will seem tough to some. But it is for the long-term advantage for all the students. They will quickly know (and know from transition details) who needs to have the rules enforced exactly as stated, and who needs a bit of flex/extra reminder. And know that these 11 years olds will need some time to adjust. They are not monsters - they are professionals who have seen Year 7s turn into Year 8s into Year 9s...eventually Year 13 getting A level results and going off into the big wide world. It will be fine.

My ds (10) is obsessed with numberblocks and has watched all the episodes many times!
As with everything else. Sounds very normal for his age.
They change when they're at high school.
Don't worry.

School will be geared up for them, and they do go gently with them. Don't worry about what he watches and go with it if he regresses further for a while - it's al

oops pressed too soon.

It's all part of growing up, it's not always linear, just go with it. We reinstated bedtime stories at one point and DS was choosing books he'd read when he was 7.

Scaffold to help him organise himself. Simple but roomy pencil case with scissors and gluestick. Timetable and books all in 1 place and lists of what to pack each day. A set time of day to pack his bag. We have a couple of plastic wallets, one for homework to do and the other for homework to hand in. Keys on a chain or something so they're harder to lose.

They grow up beyond all recognition in Y7. Honestly. Eating dinner together really helps to keep him talking - he's too knackered straight after school.