Primary age children getting up after bed time?

[Silverbirch2]

What do you do/say when primary age dc get up after bedtime? Both of mine have been up tonight, one came down to us he cant sleep, other lay in bed shouting 🙈 . It drives me mad. Do you be nice and sooth them? Tell them consequence if they get up again for ridiculous reason?

Just depends on the age, 5 or 6 take them back up and be nice about it. 10 or 11 tell them to bugger off back to bed. In between - not sure

Back to bed in total silence, ignore ignore ignore, supernanny style.

@SunflowerGardens thanks- 6 and 8! 6 years old is a wanderer and 8 year old is the shouter- which definitely annoys me more!

First ensure a good night time routine. Time to unwind and chat about any possible issues. No tech at bed time.
Then send back to bed. Any messing about would be bad behaviour and I would issue a consequence.

The just turned 7 wanders down. He's told go to back and read in bed if he can't sleep. Mom hasn't had tea and has chores and work to do. I can't do that with him up. Go.
Nicely but firmly.

We get this every night at the mo!! It’s been a couple of months. DS is 7 and shares with DS2 who is 4.5. 7yo has always had trouble sleeping and I did too as a kid. Being told off for not being able to sleep is one of my main childhood memories which is sad!

We’ve just moved bedtime back from 7/7:30 to 7:30/8. DS2 generally goes to sleep immediately but has come down a couple of times this week but with him I’m blaming the heat and daylight.

With DS1, he just wants attention from us (at school all day, new baby sibling), PLUS general lifelong sleep struggle. So I am very kind and caring and go and tuck him in, talk about the day, etc etc. He’s allowed to be awake as long as he’s in his room, if you ask me.

DH gets much more frustrated but is trying to remain calm!

Definitely lots of attention at bedtime - we need to get better at this, still haven’t got the hang really with the new baby. Somehow bedtime books are much harder than a bedtime disco at the mo with the baby! Also I think 7 yo is growing out of bedtime books 😢 so he draws in the office sometimes while I read to DS2, but that leads to him feeling more lonely and needing more attention and coming down more!

@Wolfiefan thanks. I think I will take that advice! No tech at bedtime, 8 year old loves a good chat at bedtime just the 2 of us so done all that and now still up so I'm thinking behaviour. We did have an 'issue' with 8 year old tidying up well refusing too today so might be related. She had toys taken off her.

I wouldn't tolerate the shouting but my dc are up&down the stairs like a pair of yo-yoes until their lights-off time. They get 30-60 minutes of time every night for talking, reading, colouring etc before it's a firm lights-off time. If they were to come back down after then, they'd be ignored and sent back up.

At the weekends i let mine stay up to watch a movie - they go to bed at 10.30 or 11.

Shouting at age 8 is absolutely not on and I would not be putting up with that at all. Set expectations firmly at bedtime and then enact consequences the next day. It's bed time. You don't have to sleep if you're not tired, you may read quietly, but each night of shouting means no TV/tablet/gaming/pudding/playing out the next day.

I don't think mine have ever got up just after bed time. If they've had a nightmare then either I take them back to their bed and go in with them or let them stay in with me (if it's nearly morning). That's usually in the middle of the night though, once I'm already asleep. I guess I'd do the same if it was in the evening.

Thanks all, I think some of it might be attention related. I might push bedtimes back a bit at weekends as they're both early rises too! @MassiveSalad22 we do chapter books now, each has a turn to choose but things little Magic Faraway tree etc seem to just appeal to both.

We occasionally get "can't get to sleep," from
DD age 6. Just calmly encourage her to relax think about nice things - what she's been up to, what she wants to do tomorrow, about a recent story she's read, etc.

We've also had a frank conversation with both our children (youngest is 4) about how much we enjoy our time together during the day but that the evening time after they've gone to bed is for
Mum and Dad to catch up on some jobs, spend some time together and have a rest. I think it's important that even younger children know and understand this.

I read so many stories on Mumsnet of people sitting with children until they fall asleep or spending hours trying to get them in bed. It horrifies me tbh.

@MolliciousIntent thanks that's my natural reaction but I was wondering if I was too harsh. I know I feel like they're interrupting my time so want to make sure I'm not annoyed with them for that. But I think no screen time will work.

I put them to bed but I'm not shouting at them to sleep or anything, they can lie in bed as long as they like but they're told to say in their rooms. Im a bit worried if I say they can read/draw my bookworm of an 8 year old and art obsessed6 year old will never sleep! Do you go back up at a certain time and tell them enough?

They don't do it very often (like once every few months). So they get 10-15 mins snuggled on the sofa with me, then a suggestion that they might like to try going back to bed.

DS2 - currently 11, did it maybe twice a week a year back, so we shifted bedtime later, and it stopped.

But then I've also had them both in bed with me in the past week. But probably the first time in 5 years, so figured there was actually an issue.

What bedtimes do you all have?

6 year old - 7-7.30pm
4 year old - about 7, but sometimes a little before if she's exhausted. Nursery every day tires her out.

They both stay in bed until they hear us get out in the morning, which is about 6.30-7 on weekdays or 7-7.45 on weekends.

My son does it fairly regularly, normally if I get in bed with him he settles fairly well and falls asleep quite quickly, so thats how I usually deal with it. If it isn’t a school night he’ll cuddle me on the sofa and sleep there until I go to bed.

Thanks @turquoise1988 my ds 6 goes at 7:30 and up similar time 6:30 ish so that's good to know

Could they listen to audio books? That way they don’t feel so alone or bored , have a bit of entertainment but will hopefully then fall asleep whilst listening?

@Amammai that's actually a good idea, not even thought if it. Thanks

9 y old goes up at 9, 11 y old goes up at 9.30. They have half an hour before lights-off, an hour on non-school nights.

Audio books or sleep stories
There's an app called sleepiest which has some free ones on