12 to DD maybe autistic what will a assessment achieve for her?

[Itsallsonew]

Hi my DD has just turned 12 and has always struggled and we have thought she maybe autistic. This has particularly come to a head on a family holiday which have been tears for her most days (Florida Disney/ universal, she loves it but can't decide what she wants to do and is mostly stressed crying or angry). So my question is if I get her assessed and it's positive what help will she get as a result or will it just be a label for her difficulties? Thank you x

My DD is almost 12 and we have just went through the full assessment. We always knew she had ASD but I was always concerned it would just be a label and people would just write her off but just before covid she needed 6 baby teeth removed via surgery and it was a nightmare.

shes terrified of hospitals, needles etc and trying to get something or someone to listen was horrific because she had nothing on her medical records except having speech therapy. Everything else was in her school records. I’m hoping her having her diagnosis will make life easier for her in the future with things like medical treatments, exams or maybe even job interviews.

we only got the ‘official’ diagnosis in March so we haven’t yet seen or felt any benefits but it’s a weight of my shoulders knowing that it’s there to protect her (hopefully)

An explanation for why she feels or behaves the way she does so she doesn't go through life feeling mad or bad.

Accommodations made for her at school, uni or at work.

It won't be a label it will a diagnosis which will give explanation, understanding and legal protection.

If she is autistic and it is impacting her in school, school will put special adaptations in to help her cope better. Or help with strategies and practical help, if the school has the budget/experience.

Longer term, it would make it easier to request any adaptations in the workplace (I'd like to think that in time it will be come more matter of course to do this for most companies. Some adaptations are easy and simple and can make a big difference to some autistic people).

For you as her parent, it may help explain why she struggles with certain things most other kids seem perfectly fine with. Same for her.

The only thing I would say is, getting diagnosed as a teen may be harder for them to accept than when they are younger/older.

I’m sorry your daughter is struggling, 12 is hard enough as it is.

If she had a medical isssue you wouldnt call it a ‘label’. Its a diagnosis.
What support she would get depends on the nature of her difficulties.
If she is diagnosed with autism you would be then be looking to get her an Education and Health care plan to address her specific needs.
You need to be aware that the waiting lists for assessments are very long, 2 or 3 years in some places.
If you havent already done so speak to the Senco at school to see what support you can get now.
One of the biggest benefits to diagnosis is that the person can understand themselves.
If she is autistic and you don’t pursue an assessment, then you do run the risk of her getting labelled - as the naughty one, or as the weird one.
There is a lot of support available, I’d start with Autism UK.

We were worried about labels, but as our ed psych said ' People are labelling him anyway- naughty, destructive, challenging'. An ASD diagnosis (not label) has meant that he has attention from the SENCO. It means that he has extra time allocated for exams. It means that when he has mega meltdowns at school and starts rocking in a corner under his desk the teachers know he is overhwlmed and needs time out. It means the school matron and the teachers has him on their radar and they keep an eye on him in terms of seeing of he is feeling a little 'off'. It means we can access therapy and support more easily. It means we can explian to him that he sometimes responds to things differently and we can name and identify his triggers.

Oh yes- and my DS has a dentist phobia. Without his autism diagnosis we would not have been able to access the Special Care Dentist at our medical centre. This has amde all the difference in the world to him and he is finally able to get the dental care he needs.

My dd was diagnosed in yr9 as autistic.

Since then, she has recieved CBT for her anxiety and low moods. She also has anger issues, so has had access to anger management strategies. She is now doing her GCSE's and has 25% extra time and has also had a time out pass in school if things have got too much.

Her diagnosis has also given her an understanding as to how her mind works differently to others.

I was diagnosed in my 40s. The diagnosis would have given me so much as a teen/young adult. It would have let me understand myself, my vulnerabilities and my limitations. It would have helped me protect myself from abuse from me who I thought were on my side, it would have prevented me from turning to alcohol to 'fit' and it would have given me a much better chance in education. Please don't consider a medical diagnosis for your child as a negative.

*abuse from men

My ankle is niggling and not quite right. Sometimes I think it's working well and then it'll start hurting or feeling weak, and then eases off like nothing happened.
Getting achilles tendonitis diagnosed means that I can plan what my ankle can cope with and get the optimum performance from it and avoid causing longer term harm from forcing it to do things it's not conditioned to do.

Not disimilar to DS being diagnosed with ASD, dyspraxia and dyslexia. It doesn't cure him, but he now understands why things feel different to him, that it's the way he is rather than something he's doing wrong, and it enables others to make reasonable adaptions that help him cope better.
ASD "label" or not, he's still my wonderful son, but the biggest advantage it's given us is understanding and confidence.

He's "high functioning" and masks well so adjusts for that effort at home so people don't tend to "see" it and don't know unless he's told them. I have said that letting people know is a good Prat Filter anyway.

It's well worth being diagnosed because it then gives more appropriate options on how to live with it rather than constantly feeling out of synch and wondering why you're floundering at life.

When we were discussing whether to have my son assessed when he was 12 someone said to me ‘He either has autism, or he doesn’t. You’re not going to make him autistic by having him assessed, and you’re not going to stop him having autism by not having the assessment.’
If you don’t have an assessment then she will still have the same difficulties, and will still need the same support. It’s just easier to access if you’ve identified the root cause.

I would say get her assessed, definitely

My daughter is 10 and I highly suspect Autistic.

I’m almost at the point of starting the assessment process, it’s been a very enlightening/emotional year since my son was diagnosed as I’m now 100% sure I am Autistic too.

I would say it can only be a positive thing knowing one way or the other. I’ve spent my whole life feeling “different” and “weird” Struggling with social situations and high anxiety with no idea why. I was labelled “shy” “quiet” my family even thought I had an eating disorder due to my fussy eating but looking back it was sensory

It would of given me so much more understanding about myself if I had known

Thank you so much everyone. One more question do I tell her she is being assessed it might upset her. What did you do ? X

My older DS has autism. he was diagnosed very young before he understood. However he is now being assessed (12 years) for another neuro-divergent issue. We told him perfectly openly and said that some people struggle in a particular way, and if we had him assessed by a specialist it might be that we and he could understand why his brain works the way it does. If we can understand it then he and we can help him work through the world and school and friendships more easily.

We are very clear that there is nothing 'wrong' with him, but that there are some differences about him that we can learn about. It's about learning how his brain works and using techniques to help him when he struggles. But definitely emphasising that he is not 'wrong'.

I am not sure that is a very coherent explanation, though!

DS knows he struggles and knows he is different. It distresses him. Your DD will also know that she struggles and probably has a heightened anxiety when those differences become more obvious, like on a holiday.

Hope it all goes well.

She’s probably going to know something is different for her so talking to her might be a relief for her. I’d broaden your knowledge for the next few weeks so you can reassure her on the easier questions she might have initially and then you can find out responses to her harder questions.
you could try a book called All cats have Austism if she’s a younger 12. My daughter (8) read it and it was like a lightbulb going on for her.

We persued diagnosis for two reasons

• for advocacy (in education, life, work)


• for self understanding

My DD was diagnosed at 15 (she's 16 now). If you have any suspicions get her diagnosed. A late diagnosis for us resulted in a catastrophic mental health issues, bullying and a change of school in an exam year. I would do anything to change the clock and get her diagnosed earlier if only I knew...
Positives are that her new school know and have made adjustments for her. She has her own room and 25% extra time for exams. Before diagnosis, I was looking at a kid who was about to leave school with no qualifications. But she has now sat all her exams (Scotland) and I see a future for her. She and we (family and school) understand her better and are more understanding to her which makes her life easier and less stressful. Things aren't perfect but my advice is to get her assessed as soon as possible.

Thank you all so much for the advise and the reassurance. Yes she has said on this holiday she doesn't understand her feelings and feels left out so we will definitely try to get her some help