Living in the present moment when finding it tough working towards a goal

[itsabingting]

I am at a stage in my life where I am working really hard and raising a 2 year old, spending a LOT of time on drudgery and not having much time for myself, or managing to achieve certain goals for myself personally (fitness etc) as I'm so busy. DH and I are planning a 2nd DC as well as due to my age we need to move quickly. He works long hours so it isn't easy, and if it wasn't for our age we would wait, but I am 39.5.

I really hated the baby stage and have enjoyed parenting much more since my DD can talk. I also hated pregnancy and birth (doesn't everyone?) and am dreading doing it all with a pre-schooler. BUT ultimately we both want a family with two children and so I know it will all be worth it in the long run. Husband's working towards a promotion in 3 years which would mean much more money and better flexible hours. So it feels like it's just a few more years of really hard work and then it will be worth it. (Obviously I know parenting is hard work throughout, and especially teens so not suggesting it gets easier, but in certain aspects I imagine you get a bit more time for yourself eg when children can take themselves to the loo or play by themselves more).

I'm trying really hard to focus on the reason for doing this as the rewards in the future. But on a day to day level there are some days when it feels really hard, and times when I feel a bit down about it all. I would love a holiday but we can't afford it yet, and I would just love a break, time to exercise and get fit again, stuff for me etc but I feel like I just have to postpone all that until my 2 (hopefully) children are older.

Have you ever lived through a period of a few years where you are working towards a goal but have to go through drudgery to get there? How do you continue to live in the present and enjoy life when the day-to-day is difficult? When the realisation if the goal is a good few years away how do you keep motivated and living in the moment?

Can you do free or cheap things with your DD?
Swimming
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English heritage

These years are hard. No denying that. Small daily treats. Though I don't know if you consider these treats.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm almost the other side now as my youngest is 2. It's been really hard. I'm quite lucky in that I work for myself (part time) and love my job so I have thrown myself into that whenever I can in order to keep a piece of myself. Fitting in exercise whenever possible, seeing friends whenever possible. Combining exercise with childcare eg hiking with baby in carrier.

I think it's about keeping expectations low but carving out that little bit of time for yourself whenever possible. I also advise spending as much money as you can on some form of childcare to help you keep your sanity. I don't think you'll ever regret spending the money.

Also get comfortable with the type of mum you are and don't force yourself to do stuff you don't like or value.

Yeh I also know how you feel. I've got a long term goal that means I have to stay in my job for 7 more years and then I'm free (too complicated to explain here). What I do is have a mental image of my goal and when I'm having a down moment just stop and visualise it. Also just finding pleasures through the day, just the small stuff.

Thanks @milkmilkeverywhere that's really helpful to hear that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I can't lie I'm pretty envious of you being nearly "through the other side"! I hate the fact I'm wishing my life away but am dreading getting through the next 3 years iyswim. (Whilst at the same time trying not to take anything for granted and hope that we can have a healthy second baby).

How and when have you managed to fit in exercise etc for yourself? I find it impossible and when I do occasionally get "down" time (after DD in bed and chores all done) I'm shattered.

Wow @Dorsetdelight211 that's a long slog! But it sounds like you feel it's worth it. It's so hard not to countdown the days and wish your life away!

itsabingting it is a long slog isn't it but after 7 years I'll be financially free at the age of 48 so I feel like it's worth it. I just keep focusing on that end goal. Visualise your family, DC playing together, you with some time for yourself, just keep focused on that goal.

It is really hard. Things I've found help are...

Getting out for a walk every day without fail. Sometimes I have to get up earlier to make space for it later in the day, but it is so worth it, physically and mentally. I also think it makes me less tired, so probably makes up for getting up earlier! Other forms of exercise which are child-compatible and involve fresh air would also work. A good waterproof is vital.

Small pleasures to perk up dull tasks. Like background music and sing along with gusto! Talk to a friend on speaker whilst you look after your wee one.

If you haven't already, cut everything non-essential out of your day to day. Eg, forget makeup, nobody cares if you wear it or not. Save it for special occasions.

Do something for you every night for five minutes at least. Read a poem / do a few yoga stretches. Sometimes I do this in bed, as the only guaranteed me time is when DH is in the bathroom!

Yes I'm thinking of trying to get up earlier than DD so I can exercise. Lying in bed is so tempting though! I normally have a cheeky coffee before everyone else wakes up and that's as much as I can fit in.

I feel this, OP! I feel like I’ve only just got my life back with DD3, who was an awful pregnancy and a terrible sleeper, and now I’m pregnant again and basically putting myself back 3 years! Wish we’d done it sooner to cram the nappy years together but DP couldn’t face it. Long-term two is what I want, but pregnancy is a real pukeathon slog and leaving me no time for anything - just work, sleep, vom, repeat. And if I get another bad sleeper that’s the next couple of years gone.

Then we’re also moving this year to a new town and a house that needs renovating, all of which will be great in the long term but the short term feels like stress, chaos, starting over building a network of friends and community, etc.

I’m not exercising, doing the garden much, doing things that make me feel good like haircuts or whatever, or cooking (largely because I’m exhausted), and find myself wishing away the next few years and wishing I was at the “finished house, life settled, two kids settled at school” stage instead of enjoying DD being 3, which is a lovely age.

No advice just solidarity! And prayers for lottery wins all round!