Online dating dangers

[Downunderduchess]

I read with horror a story in the news here in Sydney this morning about a young woman who met up with a man she had been chatting to online for a while. They arranged for him to go to her place. When she went to the bathroom, she came back into the room to find there were four more men there. She was sexually assaulted. Two of the offenders have been arrested so far.

It is easy to say why would she let someone she didn’t really know come to her home? I’ve been trying not to think that, instead focusing on the disgusting outrageous behaviour of those five pieces of absolute shit.

It was disturbing to read.

Wow although I can’t overlook that yes you shouldn’t invited strangers to your home people really do need to be more careful it doesn’t mean she deserved it though but we shouldn’t over look that as it should be something people find shocking so that others don’t think it’s a normal thing to do

@pixie5121 But did she know it was going to be BDSM sex? Maybe that hadn't been discussed and she thought it would be snogging and maybe more. She might not even have anticipated sex at all - perhaps they met in a cafe or something and he said, "Damn, I've left my wallet back at the hotel! Do you mind if we take a detour to collect it?", and she, being young and trusting, agreed.

Either way, it's such a sad case.

I would imagine so...she was a member of BDSM websites, using her real name on one of them (!!!!) and giving a list of fetishes to a stranger. She slept with another man just a day or two before she met the one who killed her and asked him to strangle her. It's just unfathomable to me that someone could put themselves in so much danger, repeatedly.

I think predators capitalise on the fact that women they meet online don't know anybody they know in their actual life.

There is no incentive for predators to behave just about well enough that their reputation as a predator isn't out there and known by their acquaintances.

And they can extract a lot of info out of the woman before the woman meets him in person and gets a 'vibe', especially if the woman is naive and trusting, as so many seem to be. He gets to build up a picture of what makes her tick, likes/dislikes, vulnerabilities, as well as actual data like where she lives and works.

The entire system of OLD is set up to make it easy for predators. I've never understood why so many women happily use it and think it's great.

Of course it's easy to say why did she invite a stranger back to her home it's human nature to rationalise what happened and decide it could have been prevented if only she didn't make that particular decision.

Statistically you are more likely to be raped or murdered by someone you know.

No one tends to mention meeting guys at clubs and going back for one night stands as dangerous but when it comes to online dating, people go nuts preaching about the dangers.

Yes people should always meet in public for the first time but that won't stop a predator from preying unfortunately.

Some of the comments on this thread are grim.

But the thing is...when you meet someone at a club, you've at least got a gut feeling to go off. Mine is very well developed...I clap eyes on some men and feel so repulsed that I almost want to vomit. It's like my gut is screaming at me to get the hell away.

One of the main things that has always helped to keep women safe is the 'gut instinct', and that's taken away from you if you're chatting on an app. There's a man who seems nice, friendly, pleasant, asking questions, you feel flattered that he's interested, and all the while he's getting to build up a nice picture of who you are and what makes you tick, along with information he can use against you later if he wants to. Then by the time you meet, he's already had a chance to build up this picture of you and plan exactly what he wants to do with you. Not just any random women in a club, but you specifically. It's really very creepy.

Some women are naturally more sexually adventurous, and why shouldnt they be ? It doesn't mean they are desperate or deserve to get hurt though, some really horrible judgemental comments on here.

I would imagine so...she was a member of BDSM websites, using her real name on one of them (!!!!) and giving a list of fetishes to a stranger. She slept with another man just a day or two before she met the one who killed her and asked him to strangle her. It's just unfathomable to me that someone could put themselves in so much danger, repeatedly.

Oh, I didn't realise that. That seems sad, that she was into such extreme stuff so young. The influence of porn, I guess.

It's not even so much the stuff, it's the total lack of safety awareness that has to go with that stuff. It seems fairly obvious that you don't join fetish sites with your own name, together with face pics, and go to bed with a complete stranger who is into really rough sex and serious kink.

I have reservations about the kink scene in general but have a friend who is into it and she takes safety really seriously. The scene she's in is small, attendees at events are carefully vetted. Any man she plays with is vetted by friends and acquaintances, creeps and predators are ousted quickly. It's not foolproof but it's a hell of a lot better than meeting strangers alone.

But gut instinct doesn't generally exist hence why so many serial killers charm their victims face to face. Ted Bundy didn't give women weird vibes nor did Edmund kemper or multiple others who got willingly into cars with these men and died horrific deaths.

Of course it exists. Some women are just oblivious to it or don't listen to it.

The guy who killed Grace Millane had another Tinder date shortly afterwards, and the woman got major creep vibes from him and wouldn't let him watch her walk to her car, she was that unsettled. Just looking at his photo makes the hairs stand up on my arms. He has cold, dead eyes.

If you're someone who can't read people and/or ignores the warning signs then sure, maybe OLD is no more dangerous than real life, but I think being able to build up a picture of who you are in advance gives MUCH more ammunition to narcissists and psychopaths to love bomb, create their own narrative that ties in with what you're looking for, and find out info they can later use against you, perhaps to cajole you into doing things you don't want to do.

oh yes, it exists!

The problem is that women feel rude acting on that intuition. Women feel they can only act on FACTS.

Heaven forbid we are roood to the weird stranger.

I believe that Ted Bundy was unusual. He was able to compartmentalise and he was charming and a murderer. He's not the only one who could do this it's not the norm. Raping murderers are going to leak misogyny and sexism in their every day lives.

Rodney Alcala known as the dating game killer is an scary example. He want on america's version of Blind Date in the early 80s and initially charmed the picker but very shortly after that, he made inappropriate remarks and she cancelled the date because she had a bad feeling. That must have been a big decision, I can imagine she wanted to please the tv makers by having a date to report back on.