Middle Aged Men...

[MiddleAgedMen]

I've actually name changed for this thread as I've moaned to various friends about this & don't know if they're on Mumsnet and would rather they don't read my angst ridden previous posts/threads...

What is it about Middle Aged Men in the throes of divorce?
Im in my late 40s. I've always had the same personal email address & my mobile number has not changed other to go from 0378 to 07778.
Over the past 6 months, I've heard from old boyfriends/lovers either by text or email even by LinkedIn. They are invariably going through a 'bitter divorce'. One of them I've not heard from in over 25 years!
As they were only casual relationships back in the day, I deleted their numbers but not blocked them as there seemed no reason to do so - no real emotion involved, just fun in my 20s.
Anyway, we swap pleasantries, once it becomes clear they're sniffing around for an ego boost, I block them.

Is anyone else finding this or is it just me?

Aye just you

I think it’s quite common for men to need an ego boost and reach out to exes. I used to be on the dating threads and it happened a lot to the women on there

'Sniffing around' is a disgusting phrase and makes them and you sound like dogs.

They're basically just doing what 100s of MNetters advise women to do when they find themselves single again at that age - and that's to get out and about and try to broaden their friendship/relationship horizons.

If you don't want to hear from them just ignore, but you sound pretty smug and sneery the way you've worded your thoughts here.

Lucky you.

I think some men like the scattergun approach to pursuits with the opposite sex. It's pretty grim to be on the receiving end of that

Sniffing around' is a disgusting phrase and makes them and you sound like dogs.

Unfortunately a lot of middle aged men do behave like dogs, especially if they are recently divorced.

I get this from time to time OP. I've heard it from a couple of friends too. I agree, they just want an ego boost.

Some might be 'sniffing around' for an 'ego boost' but others, who may not have wanted a divorce perhaps, are wounded and confused and just trying to navigate a future they hadn't expected. I know the standard MN view is that all men are the devil in disguise, but that's not always true.

Exactly and it's quite unusual that the OP has had a little rush on this last 6 months.

I'm sue that'll pass.

I too occasionally hear from men I knew in my late teens. I'm now 47!! Both send messages asking to meet. I dont respond as it pisses me off somehow. It's nice that people are well and remember you, but I'd feel awkward meeting up and have little in common. Im busy and dont want to worry about social issues I didn't call up.

*Sure

Facebook has brought a few 'old flames' out of the woodwork for me...I still have my maiden name, and it's a very rare one, so I'm easy to find.

Unfortunately for me, those 'old flames' are mere ashes of their former selves 🤦‍♀️ I am polite, because like PP have said, I don't know their story or circumstances now, and I don't think they are arseholes or anything...but I definitely have no intention of reigniting the flee 🤦‍♀️🤣

I simply respond politely in a way that makes it clear that I am not romantically available...ever!

*reigniting the fire...not flee 🤣🤣🤣

It's more that they all sound the same rather than come across as damaged by their circumstances.
All about the bitter divorces & bitchy exes out for all they can get, trying to rob them of their money, etc
They have children but I hear bugger all about them trying to set up an effective co-parenting system & civil relationship with their ex for the good of the children.
They all seem to be following a kind of script.
A bit like The Script we always hear about on Mumsnet when a man on his way out of the marriage rewrites the events of the relationship into something the woman doesn't recognise!
This is The Script about how they're being wronged in their divorce...
Yes if they came across as damaged then I would be sympathetic but it's all the same old same old. I knew these men when we were a lot younger but I don't recognise the men they've become.
As for timing - maybe enforced time together during the lockdowns has moved them towards divorce? Perhaps the wives have woken up to the state of their marriage?