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Original poster

Concerned about DS first relationship.

8 replies

Memaww · 17/06/2022 20:27

I found out a few weeks ago that DS had a girlfriend of a year! Absolutely no indication, nothing.

I was shocked as we are quite close.

Turns out her parents are very strict and religious. She has not told her parents about DS and he says this is the main reason he hadn't told me either.

They have never met outside of school because she is not allowed to meet boys and DS says he's not sure if she's allowed out with female friends either.

She is 16 BTW.

It was their 1 year anniversary recently and DS bought her a small gift and flowers, but they couldn't go anywhere. He just gave them to her at school.

DH suggested he should tell her to ask her parents if she can go cinema with female friends and go with him instead.

I said that's a TERRIBLE idea, to encourage her to lie to her parents and sneak out with a boy.

But I am sad that he's been 'with her' for a year and never experienced a date or anything normal for teenage dating.

They're going to the same college so maybe she will have a little more freedom then?
But I'm scared of her parents finding out and being mad at him, he is the sweetest boy :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Memaww · 17/06/2022 20:38

I feel that it is relevant that her family are from Southern Asia and religious and DS is whitebritish and not religious in the slightest. I think this is one of the main reasons her family have not been told as far as I can gather.

OP posts:
Echobelly · 17/06/2022 20:42

I think at the end of the day you just have to accept this is not something you have control over. I suppose it'll either fizzle away from the inability to date normally, or it will become something more and you might have to accept things will happen that are going behind her family's back if that is the case.

I don't think it's your job to have to 'respect' the girl's parents' barriers, which don't sound very reasonable.

frogswimming · 17/06/2022 20:44

Is ds 16 too? I don't think I'd be bothered. They're very young. It's probably only lasted that long because they don't actually see each other outside school.

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16 year olds
Original poster
Memaww · 17/06/2022 20:53

Yes he is 16 too. He says he would like to go on a date but they can't (he just shrugged) They sit together at lunch and break and talk online too.

I guess there's nothing really to do but watch from afar and see how it develops.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memaww · 17/06/2022 21:04

Echobelly · 17/06/2022 20:42

I think at the end of the day you just have to accept this is not something you have control over. I suppose it'll either fizzle away from the inability to date normally, or it will become something more and you might have to accept things will happen that are going behind her family's back if that is the case.

I don't think it's your job to have to 'respect' the girl's parents' barriers, which don't sound very reasonable.

Noo I agree, I don't believe it is reasonable but I don't know her or them at all, they don't know DS. I'm sure if they did they would see he is a sweet boy with no ill intentions.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 17/06/2022 21:09

Agree with others.
In essence, they are friends at school.
It will fizzle out. Nothing to be concerned about really, unless you feel he is cutting himself off from other friends going out and about.

spongedog · 17/06/2022 21:16

My cousin grew up in an area which was mainly Muslim (London). He came from a white strong Christian background. He dated lots of Muslim girls - some for several years. He has finally married in his late 30's to a wonderful lovely lady from a Muslim family. I think it is probable that he will convert fully soon. It has caused minor ripples in his close family - they need to get over that - we love him to bits and his new family are absolutely lovely. But I will say when he was in his teens and 20's (so a generation different to your DS and perhaps a different part of the country) it wasn't easy. Not all of the relationships were open. I dont think he really settled. You sound accepting but I am not sure it is an easy path.

Original poster
Memaww · 17/06/2022 21:21

spongedog · 17/06/2022 21:16

My cousin grew up in an area which was mainly Muslim (London). He came from a white strong Christian background. He dated lots of Muslim girls - some for several years. He has finally married in his late 30's to a wonderful lovely lady from a Muslim family. I think it is probable that he will convert fully soon. It has caused minor ripples in his close family - they need to get over that - we love him to bits and his new family are absolutely lovely. But I will say when he was in his teens and 20's (so a generation different to your DS and perhaps a different part of the country) it wasn't easy. Not all of the relationships were open. I dont think he really settled. You sound accepting but I am not sure it is an easy path.

They have kissed, he told me tha so it's not just a friendship in his eyes.

Spongedog, That's what I'm worried about, if they want to stay together it won't be simple and that makes me sad, if they break up because of the situation that will be sad too.

I've been with his dad since I was 14 so I know relationships from school can last.

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