Work/lifestyle advice urgently needed 🙏 should I be brave or is this mad?

[oofmehip]

Your wisdom and advice would be greatly appreciated…

I did start off saying I’d keep this brief, so apologies in advance but:

I’m 46 this year. I’ve been ‘teaching’ since I was 25- by which I mean I qualified and HATED the first few (10?!) years because so much about the job just isn’t me- but have never been brave/confident/focused enough to do anything about it. So I’ve always done the bare minimum, avoided any thought of career progression and have done a lot of supply as the flexibility/freedom suits me much better. (After 9 or 10 years I had a child, had a couple of years off then went back just doing mainly supply) (this is after relationship breakdown etc).

The more permanent teaching jobs I have had, I’ve more or less fallen into via supply, and while the money is better, the feeling of being trapped doing something I have no passion for/is very stressful and negative too often, never goes away.

Just for context, I grew up with a parent who constantly told me I’d never be good enough to do ()/ it wouldn’t be suitable/ there would be too much competition/ you’d have to be a ‘certain type of person’ etc etc. So not to blame or dwell too much, but I believe that’s led to my complete detachment and apathy about the job and my ability to do something I love. I’ve also never (as far as I can remember) been able to pinpoint what it actually is I’d like to do- and I put that down to the same reason. It’s beyond frustrating and depressing (I’m also certain I have ADD). I don’t make strong working relationships- partly because I lack confidence, and also I think because in my head, I always have one foot out the door.

Now to the point- I’m currently supply teaching in a school I’ve been at since September and I have until Monday morning to get a job application in. The thought fills me with dread - both the interview and the job. No one else has applied and they’re desperate (!) so I’ve agreed to apply for it. I know I don’t owe them- but a huge part of me knows i’d be stupid not to do it because I really do need the money. I know most people don’t do a job they love but suck it up for practical reasons.

My question is this- if I’m ?stupid? enough not to apply - how realistic is it that I can start something imminently eg ironing 😬 - ideally with a view to doing something more interesting/different/lucrative from home?

Would I be able to claim universal credit/tax credits to start with?

I haven’t really explained my work intentions very well- mainly because I just don’t know. All I know is life is short and there must be a better way?

thanks if you’ve read this far.

Should add I’m a single parent and have no savings 😬

Sorry to keep adding, but that was meant to say ‘told me I was never good enough to do insert childhood ambition ‘

Ironing versus a permanent job? Single parent. Imminent recession?

No brainer.

It's not a life sentence, it's job. Take it if they offer it.

Start thinking about something else outside teaching - Facebook group called Exit the classroom and thrive.

Ok, thanks- I mean I know this of course. It’s just that feeling of dread. Not that I’m even guaranteed this job.
thanks for the recommendation- I have looked at the before, maybe it’s time for another look.

Take the job. Even if you don't plan for it to be long-term. You need to have some regular income given higher winter energy bills and/or to build up some savings.

I cannot imagine any job from home being more lucrative, things like getting someone else to iron will be much less likely with the current economic situation.

Unless I had savings to rely on, I wouldn’t leave without a Plan B. If supply works for you, can you not keep doing that whilst figuring out what you do want?

Maybe start with writing down what (if anything) you do enjoy in teaching and any transferable skills. Do you know how much you’d need to earn a month to cover your outgoings? Can you use the summer holidays to try and start something to see how it goes?

Its never too late to change career, especially if your current one doesn’t make you happy…but given you’ve done it for 20 years, taking a few months to get a solid exit plan isn’t long.

You’re right- I mean it’s probably not a great idea at the best of times.. thanks.

Give yourself a deadline. Make yourself get the application in. Don’t overthink it. Think about building savings. Good luck!

Thanks @Awakened22 that sounds wise.

Take it. You really need to think a) you have bills to pay and a a child to support now and this job will do it. B) the interview is a walk in the park as they are throwing themselves at you. C) it’s zero stress in a way as you are already doing the jobs and know everyone, it’s mere paperwork to move from temp to perm.

Then really think about what else you want to do and look at retraining if necessary. Give yourself the year to do this and save save save to do so.

stop giving the parental bullying of your childhood free rent space in your head and stop reacting to it as child would.As an adult it is enough to have a roof, food and heating and a polite cared and loved for child to be counted as a success. Focus on that and not a ‘career’. Yes - I am being harsh, but sometimes it’s what’s is need to give ourselves a head wobble.

A deadline also sounds sensible (and something I’m not used to!) thanks for the suggestion @1Angelic

Do it but tell yourself it is just for a year.
Buy yourself some time.
Good luck

some great responses already.
I would advise going for the job (if you are happy there).
Current economic forecasts look dire and schools seem to be using internal staff to cover more and more due to budget cuts.
could you ask for a 0.8 contract so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming?
You could always resign by 31st October to leave a Christmas if it was that awful

You’re right @Alphabet1spaghetti2 . Thank you. Think I just need this push to be sensible and to gain some focus instead of just floating.

Also the 1st part of the autumn term is always quiet for supply

Thanks @TK1930 and @Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin
everyone has given great advice and it’s the push I need. This will be the year 😁🤞🏼

Good point @tk

Take the job.

And then find a therapist you relate to and get on with building the life you want. You aren't going to magically achieve this by just dumping your job, because if you were you'd have done it by now.

It sounds like you've been dodging responsibility for taking control of your life, so you need to get to the bottom of that, and find a way to move past it. This can be hard so don't be hard on yourself that you've got stuck in the past, but do be hard on yourself about moving forward. There is a saying that to focus on your future you need to give up all hope of a better past, I think this is your first step.

If you think you have ADD then see your GP, get a diagnoses and skills training or medication to help you manage it.

Quitting your job and trying to survive on benefits whilst taking in ironing is just another dodge, and believe me, after a couple months of trying to survive on that, teaching will start to look very fucking attractive.

Apply for the job. Then dedicate some time to thinking seriously about what you want to do with the rest of your life.

Good luck!

@Luredbyapomegranate and @tiredanddangerous - more great advice and some much needed sobering thoughts! Thanks both.

sorry for brief replies - must get back in the classroom :)

Go for the job but see this feeling now as impetus to decide what you really want from work and then look at how to go about getting it. I understand the temptation to stop the merry go round and get off, but there are wiser ways of doing that. You might have a careful think and decide to continue teaching but gain more fulfillment elsewhere, have a change of scene, adapt your teaching skills to something related.

What was your childhood ambition? Does that still appeal as something to retrain into?

Either apply for the job or carry on with supply. Probably the latter if you want out. Or consider a different age group.

Or apply for things where a teaching background is helpful. Universities have school engagement posts for example.

I'd guess the issue with accepting a permanent job is that leaving then comes at fairly set times and limits other options?

And I get how you feel. I did teacher training and felt exactly how you describe when the job application cycle started. Made me realise it wasn't for me. But you need a proper get out plan and ironing isn't it!

Take the job for now.

Use the time to focus on building something new. Something exciting that you DO have passion for.

Other teaching related things - tutoring, further education, university staff,

@Strawberrysaxifrage @Calmdown14 and @bumpytrumpy

thanks for your advice and wise words- I have now, despite the dread, applied! I’m hideous at interviews. But main thing is to try harder than ever to focus on a plan. University/FE job does quite appeal, so may be something to start looking into. @Strawberrysaxifrage i don’t recall having an ambition as a child! Actually, I did for a short while think ‘journalist’ 😁. (Didn’t last long!)

thanks all for your thoughts and advice- I’ve taken it on board.