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Original poster

Panicking over big decision

26 replies

Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 03:05

Hi,

I'm lying here with a racing heart & full of panic with a big decision looming over me. I'm so stressed I can't think clearly.

I have a full time job, which was a promotion 6 months ago into something completely new to me within my company. I have mostly loved the work, but the working hours are too much for me and my young family with DH also working full time.

Its 45 hours a week with very little flex to work from home, predominately needing to be face to face with people. It is the type of work that is impossible to take last minute time off for if a child is poorly for example. It's also the type of job you need to be 'on' all day every day - client facing.

I currently leave home at 7am everyday, and collect the children from after school club at 5/6 each night. I know lots of people make this work but I am finding it very stressful and our weekends are also relentless with catching up from the week. Kids are 8 & 5.

I final factor is that a restructure proposal is being considered that would reduce my job to one person (there are currently 2 of us in role) and I am last in so likely to have to be redeployed next year.

I had resolved to resign from my job next week in order to take some time out after being very, very stressed for a long time (previous role to this was also stressful!) My plan is to study for a professional qualification at home (12 months) whilst also taking a breather. I feel genuinely burnt out. The qualification links well to my previous career experience but would allow me to specialise in an area that has more flexible part time and hybrid vacancies.

On paper this is a sensible plan. Financially with DHs salary and savings we would be ok (with some adjustment to our budget!).

But I'm terrified. I'm laying here panicking about making the decision and feel immense time pressure because doing it now would allow me to take the summer holidays off with the children (which would be amazing, and quite possibly a once in a life time thing!)

Pros are:
Retrain into a more flexible industry
Better work life balance in future
Take summer to recharge
Time for family and my mental health to do things I've more managed to do for last 6 months (exercise, gardening, cooking)
Hopefully eventually finding an organisation with better culture (mine is presenteeism, and everyone is stressed / low morale)

Cons:
Leaving a well paying job
Terrified to tell people I've not been coping (ridiculous I know)
Terrified to tell boss who will be annoyed
Terrified the plan won't work!

I'm really struggling with this huge decision. It's life changing and I don't know how to finalise my thoughts and move forward.

My DH is supportive but would prefer me to resign as he can see knows how stressed I am and how hard family life has become. He thinks I'm viewing the decision with too much permanence.

Any advice from career changers? Or tips on general on how to make these big life decisions?

What would you do in my shoes?

Thanks for reading this far Smile

OP posts:
Cannylaughs · 17/06/2022 03:21

You only get this time with your kids once. There are other jobs and you'll be fine.
Staff come and go that's what happens in business. Your boss won't be cross this is normal business.
Take the time. Enjoy your children and work out what's best for you and your family over the summer.
You'll regret not taking the time.

Thursday37 · 17/06/2022 03:28

I’d do it in a heartbeat.
If the plan to retrain doesn’t work as you want I’m sure there’s other options for the future. Get the resignation done before the weekend and crack on with your life.

I’m the main earner so it’s never an option for me to resign but if it were, I’d be gone without a second thought.

fontime · 17/06/2022 03:28

Definitely do it your mental health comes first. And remember nothing is permanent in life everything changes . What you know is you are unhappy in the current situation so it needs to change. You made this change it sounds like a great plan, if it needs tweaking or changing then you can make changes as you go along.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
Ravenclawdropout · 17/06/2022 03:44

I think your fear and stress is a symotom of your generalized anxiety and feeling of being burnt out, everything is overwhelming right now.

Just imagine the relief you will feel when you finally tell your boss. If you really aren't coping with telling her/him face to face write an email resigning and ask for a follow up meeting. You want to do it asap so you can work your resignation period and be off with your children for summer.

Do you have a close friend or family member other than DH you can talk to?

This sounds like the absolute best plan for you and your family and you have 100 % support from your husband so your fear isn't rational (as you know). I think its knowing you have to face a big change when you are already stressed, but this will all work out!

magaluf1999 · 17/06/2022 06:59

I think to put my mind at rest i would discuss with my boss and hr how i was feeling and ask for/discuss some solutions. If they dont come up with any ideas or respond well then id perhaps resign.

With such a senior role do you not have a three month plus notice period to consider having been with the organisation a long time?

Original poster
Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 07:13

Wow thank you all for such supportive responses! It's really helpful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 07:17

@magaluf1999 I did express at the start of my move the hours were a concern and I was told categorically that it's a full time job. Ironically it is within the HR dept. There are no part time colleagues in my regional offices - it's a company renowned for being no fairly tough.

It would be 12 weeks at my level if I was on a permanent contract but I am on a fixed term due to the restructure planned later in the year.

OP posts:
Crucible · 17/06/2022 07:18

Re your list of cons
-nobody needs to know you've been terrified (it's irrelevant)
-your boss has to accept a resignation, if they're angry that is unprofessional
-you've planned the change well. And have decent support to do it

So do it.

SweetSakura · 17/06/2022 07:19

Cons:
Leaving a well paying job - you have worked out you can afford to
Terrified to tell people I've not been coping (ridiculous I know)- do you need to tell them? It's nothing to be ashamed of but also you can put a positive spin on, you want a better work life balance and you have a plan
Terrified to tell boss who will be annoyed - you don't owe them anything. Just take this worry straight off the list.
Terrified the plan won't work - start to formulate a plan b (and c) so you have some back up plans?

Original poster
Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 07:19

@Ravenclawdropout yours right - it's definitely the looming decision that's making me panic. I'm pretty clear it is the right thing to do bit committing to it is so scary - it makes my chest pound just thinking about it!

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 17/06/2022 07:21

The first thing I would do would be to go to my boss and talk to them about this - just what you’ve told us - you love the job, but it’s too much and the hours are too long. If there is going to be a restructure there may well be the opportunity to go part time - they may not have even have thought of that but it might be a good opportunity for them to keep trained and qualified staff. If you’re doing a career type job, going part time will keep you on the ladder and in the loop, and will keep your skills up to date. It may even free up enough time to do your further study.

soupmaker · 17/06/2022 07:22

I was in a similar situation. I was working full time plus a commute in a really stressful role, similar to you getting time off at short notice was difficult. The DC were primary age. It took a huge toll on my mental health. To the point where I resigned after a year. My employer was brilliant and I now work part time, which has made a huge difference.

In your situation I'd resign in a heart beat. Life is too short. You'll not regret it.

SunshineAndFizz · 17/06/2022 07:22

If a restructure is coming up, could there be redundancy options?

magaluf1999 · 17/06/2022 07:23

Hiya. I think expressing concerns before you start a role is different to when you are six months in.

If you are good at your job and have proven yourself then they may well want to make
Adjustments for you.

There are many flavours of full time, jf they were decent employers they would try many alternatives to not lose you. It they are not a decent employer then walk.

Please also seek treatment for your anxiety so that it doesn't effect your next post as much or the handling of stress.

If noone else would take up such a short ftc now when you go, they have nothing
To lose in allowing you to reduce you hours if they cant get anyone else in.

Ravenclawdropout · 17/06/2022 07:33

I also agree with others that you don't owe your boss an explanation referring to anything private. You DO NOT need to say you haven't been coping or you are burnt out etc or expose your inner thoughts and feelings. You can just say you have decided that the job is no longer working for you and your family and give your notice. The End.
A good boss will want to try and keep you but I'm not sure if going part-time now you are already burnt out is the way to go. It sounds like you need a clean break for your mental health and some time off to decompress. I'm not impressed with them thinking they can put the jobs of two people into one position, it doesn't sound like they are thinking about their employees needs and mental well being at all.

I was an Executive Recruiter and it was the general rule that once a person had really decided to leave a company trying to make it work for them because they were considering taking another job hardly ever worked out. Because the employee hadrealized she didn't want to be there and the employer knew that something was missing from the position that they usally couldn't provide so those who decided to stay because the boss gave them a raise usually ended up leaving in the next 24 months anyway.

HollowTalk · 17/06/2022 07:43

ShandaLear · 17/06/2022 07:21

The first thing I would do would be to go to my boss and talk to them about this - just what you’ve told us - you love the job, but it’s too much and the hours are too long. If there is going to be a restructure there may well be the opportunity to go part time - they may not have even have thought of that but it might be a good opportunity for them to keep trained and qualified staff. If you’re doing a career type job, going part time will keep you on the ladder and in the loop, and will keep your skills up to date. It may even free up enough time to do your further study.

I agree with this. Talk it through with them and if there is no flexibility at all then hand in your notice. It's on them isn't it? It does sound like a great idea to take a year to retrain and be with your children though.

Scepticalwotsits · 17/06/2022 08:00

If it’s a fixed term contract I would just throw it in, as the stress just isn’t worth it. A small amount occasionally is expected from work but it shouldn’t be at Abel el that causes anxiety and dredd. If it’s a permanent contract and they are planing a reshuffle if there are any redundancies and you would get a half decent payout, line up a new job for that period and then take the money

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/06/2022 08:00

If there's a restructure coming up why not turn this around in your favour. Tell them you've been thinking about further study and you'd be happy to go now... with a pay off...

MatureStudentToBeMaybe · 17/06/2022 08:10

@Careerpanic I have done something similar. Though there was redundancy involved, and I haven't yet started my part time masters which begins in September.

Too late now too back out but I still have mixed feelings. Work culture certainly celebrates new mothers who juggle it all, but particularly with sleepless nights and frequent child illness the pressure was immense . I feel like a failure but I think the most successful career women in my industry made sacrifices to their family time that I wasn't prepared to. I'm hoping a career pause and reskill is the most pragmatic solution.

Original poster
Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 08:55

Flexibility in this company isn't likely. It's a huge international business with a strict organisational structure dictated by International HO. The UK board and consequently the regional directors have very little flex to change positions / structure.

It's absolutely crazy and they do lose good people because of this rigidity.

I won't be entitled to redundancy because I am on a fixed term secondment. When the restructure happens I would either gain a permanent contract (unlikely as my colleague has been in role for years on a perm contract) or go back to my previous role in Operational Management. I loved that role but it had also got too much - the business is very lean so it means a lot of pressure across small teams. I'd had enough of that role hence applying for my current secondment.

In all honestly I was reaching burnout then, and that was part time (35 hours over 4 days) but hoped this secondment would give me a change and also be more flexible. I was wrong.

Full time is minimum of 40 hours, some management are people are on 47.5 hour contracts. It's a 24/7 operation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Careerpanic · 17/06/2022 09:02

@MatureStudentToBeMaybe I absolutely hear you with the work culture. As a working mother I have sought out friends with a similar set up and normalised the struggle.

Although I have friends who work time in flexible orgs, working 37 hours which I think is probably do-able if the culture allows for you to actually just work your hours!

I'm sure you've done the right thing. It's normal to have doubts but trust in your decision making.

I hold a huge amount of self worth in my work and my career is / has been a massive part of who I am - being busy has been a massive part of who I am!

One thing I keep reminding myself is that this phase won't be forever - I will get a career back in a few years time, and my children will be a little older then

OP posts:
Knowbodysphool · 17/06/2022 09:12

Leave
Quality of life is everything
We all like to think we're indispensable but after a week we are forgotten
Don't explain your fears just put it down to personal commitments if you have to
It's like a weight being lifted

TokyoSushi · 17/06/2022 09:12

It sounds like you have it all planned out. Nobody needs to know you're not coping. Can you do it today?

MsTSwift · 17/06/2022 09:17

Could you take statutory unpaid leave over the summer?

Magnolia08 · 17/06/2022 09:19

I've been in a similar situation but luckily managed to reduce my hours, if my employer hadn't allowed me to I had made my decision to leave.

My dc are older but I still found it way too overwhelming and it's made me realise how important work/life balance is to me.

It sounds like you have a good action plan, you're not just resigning with nothing planned. Go for it and enjoy your summer with the dc! When mine were younger I had the summer off one year due to redundancy, we still call it the summer of fun as I had so much time to do things with them and we had some fun day trips and events.