To feel confused about my feelings

[wilnle]

Name changed for this.

I have been with DH for 15 years. 2 kids, happily married. Life can be a bit boring but we got along, have sex regularly etc. We have been together since we were young.

I started a new job recently and Iv been working with a women closely. She has been mentoring me in a professional capacity but we are of similar age. She has been nothing but really friendly and professional. However, I think I have developed feelings for her. It goes without saying that I would never ever act on those feelings, not in the slightest way. She has never indicated in any way that she would feel the same and has a long term partner. I have never even considered I could ever have feelings for a women and it's taken me by complete surprise.

I love DH and would never jeopardise what I have and she has never been anything but completely professional. It's just surprised me and I need to deal with how I feel. Has anyone else ended up feeling the same way?

It’s another woman, I have met two women in my life who were in long term relationships and then came out as gay in middle age. However I am in my mid fifties and the ages of the women I know it was still really very difficult to come out as gay when they were young. Obviously it’s still difficult now but it was much worse then.

But it may just be a mid life crisis and boredom and you just happen to have connected with another woman. It could have been anyone, it’s just the proximity that means it’s her.

Happened to me twice. I don't know why. The feelings faded eventually. Both were straight women.

It's common for women to become lesbians later in life. Many of the lesbians I know didn't "always know", but came to it gradually, after completing their family. Three of my closest friends came out as lesbian between 35 and 45. That doesn't mean that's definitely what is happening for you, but just so you know, it's not unusual.