Perpetrators of Domestic Violence Asking for Help

[CrispsnDips]

I believe there is not a lot of available support although there are organisations running Building Better Relationships/Resolving Conflict/Communication etc courses. However, I am not sure how someone would access these unless they’re on Probation/in Prison…?

Just thought I would throw it out there …does anyone know how an individual could access help (as opposed to paying for private Counselling sessions). How do they access Anger Management courses, for instance? Are there any support groups/Helplines?

Just interested…

Statistically, most abusers were victims or witnesses of domestic violence abuse themselves usually in childhood. That’s why it’s called a cycle of abuse. Too, they may think they’re not abusive because they are less abusive than their parents were to them or each other, simply not realising that doing better than what they grew up with doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not also abusive. (As in the I’ve never raised a hand to my wife…but I do verbally berate her and use emotional blackmail…but so what…that’s just arguing, all couples have rows and I’m nothing like my father who gave my mum black eyes all the time)

One way to break the cycle is for the adult to seek help to process the abuse they suffered as a child and see more objectively how their current behaviour is or isn’t abusive. This can be done by GP referral to mental health and then counselling that will help them in all areas of their life. Unfortunately, the NHS MH is underfunded and so wait lists are years long for nonurgent cases like this. (Urgent cases are the suicidal). But if someone is serious about it may be worth pursuing.

There are support groups for adults who were abused as children. Also parenting classes.

Excellently explained ..thank you

Like you say, there will also be cases where adults have not witnessed/experienced domestic abuse as children but still become abusers themselves…I am just interested in where their lack of control comes from. I am thinking unprocessed life events can make people more vulnerable to being an abuser (holding onto anger, etc)…

Depends on area I think. One example of a service that's available:

news.stv.tv/scotland/caledonian-system-works-with-perpetrators-to-stop-domestic-abuse

Also respectphoneline.org.uk seems to be a relevant helpline.

I think in those cases where there was no childhood abuse there is a high rate of being exposed to violence of other sorts. It’s studied that armed forces/veterans, police, intelligence agents, gang members, and victims of violent crimes are at higher risk of perpetrating domestic abuse.

Violence seems to act like a contagion almost because it’s even “good guys”- military, police, spooks that are defenders, dedicated to public service that are at high risk of becoming domestic abusers.

I’m not excusing domestic abuse…need to get that out there. But I think that better understanding of the root causes of it and how to prevent people from becoming abusers is a worthwhile endeavour as opposed to just being reactive to domestic abuse.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but "lack of control" sometimes is not a lack of control at all. For example, if a person is violent at home, but not at work or with someone stronger, there is no lack of control. And so and so on.

I'm sure someone will be here to recommend Lundy Bancroft's book. He explains it very well.

Depends where you are. Our local council runs a perpetrator programme, as does the next council along. You can self-refer.

They can apply for this programme which is also part of a study to see if Perp programmes actually work if In this area.

www.bristol.ac.uk/primaryhealthcare/researchthemes/reprovide/

there may be similar elsewhere.

Domestic abuse is not perpetrated by people with anger issues.

Some really interesting responses here, thank you…really appreciated.

Same here, behaviour change programmes you can self refer to in our local authority for men and women.