Do you ever feel so sorry for your younger self?

[KetchupCrust]

I feel so sorry for myself at things I went through in my childhood, teen years and early adulthood.

I wish I could go and visit my younger self, give her a hug and tell her some truths. Tell her that it’s not her fault that she feels how she feels, that she’s dealing with way more than she should have to, and that she’s doing incredibly well in really difficult circumstances.

Maybe it’s just getting older, or the psychotherapy is working! But I really feel suddenly so …maternal? towards my former self.

Yeah. When I had my daughter I looked back in horror at what I was put through. I cannot understand how my mother could allow it all happen; I can't understand how I survived it for as long as I did, and I can't imagine my DD being able to live through it.

I could definitely use some therapy though. No one will let me talk about it.

Yes, absolutely. I’m glad to have therapy to vent it in. Especially as DD grows- I’m shocked again and again at how young I was when some things happened. I can’t imagine DD having to cope with it, but I had to. I think of myself being as little as DD and gosh, I just want to give little-me a hug because I had to be so much more grown up than I should have been. I look at pictures and I can see the stress in my face compared to DD, whose smiles are so free and genuine. It hits me at milestone birthdays in particular.

@Chattycathydoll That made me tearful! I don’t have children but thinking about TTC in the near future and wonder if this is a part of it too.

I started with feeling sorry for little me and then I got really fucking angry on her behalf.

That anger fuelled me to cut my abusive parent off.

Now I am free I can let go of the anger and focus on living a good life.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal I know what you mean, I just don’t know how I got through those bad years. I just can’t fathom how nobody ever said oh hey, this is absofuckinglutely not on, you need some help and by the way you are amazing.

@Minimalme Oh yes, that’s also been an issue. I’m not an angry person but recently I feel like some sort of lion is in my chest and I get this really righteous anger about it all.

Yes.

I wish I hadn’t started worrying about money (or lack of it), from about 8 years old, Which influenced a lot of decisions as I grew up.

Lots of things I didn’t do or thought I shouldn’t do because I felt obligated to do the right thing or shoulder responsibility.

Even now I can’t move away from that mindset. Old head on young shoulders is one of my most hated phrases.

Might be worthwhile looking up Self Compassion and/or researching Compassion Focused Therapy

Yes and as other PPs have said seeing my DD at the same ages as incidents in my childhood had brought up lots of emotions. I was a child, I wasn't a bad person nor did I deserve many of the things that happened, and I wasn't unlovable my mother is just broken.