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Original poster

DS is the smallest at secondary

34 replies

libbyamelia · 12/06/2022 21:46

Ds is in Y7 and super tiny. He's always laughed off the odd joke about his height but I can tell it's starting to get to him. He's desperate for a growth spurt.

I try and be positive and tell him that his time will come and remind him that other people might have things that worry them, but it might be stuff that's less visible.

In all honesty though, I'm worried too. It's affecting his confidence, and I also think suppose he really doesn't ever really grow (which is ridiculous, as I know he will at some point!

He's 12 in two weeks. Neither my husband or I are that tall, so he isn't likely to be huge but I just wish there was something I could do. Some of his friends are so tall now!

Has anyone else got a tiny DS?

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 13/06/2022 07:23

I was the smallest in my year in y7, I'm averagely short as an adult and had my growth spurts at about 13.

He's at the young end of the age group, girls shoot up sooner and smaller children often get their growth spurts later than average. A whole new cohort of smaller year 7s will arrive in a few months, so while that won't change his height, there will be other smaller children in the school.

Nishky32 · 13/06/2022 07:27

My son was not the shortest but his growth spurt came much later than his friends, a lot shot up in Year 8 and he was end of Year 9. They are all roughly ,the same height now.

I think you approach is the right one, re advising him that others will have things that bother him

Mindymomo · 13/06/2022 07:32

We have friends whose son is 14 and has always been short, his Dad was a jockey, so is also short. Over the past year or so his facial features are beginning to show, so although he is still small it’s clear in his face that he is older. When we see him out with friends, he is instantly recognisable because of the height difference. No other advice, but I’ve always told my sons that we are all different.

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carefullycourageous · 13/06/2022 07:37

I think you have to stop tellling him 'his time will come' and start talking to him properly about how he feels about being small. Why are you worried about him being small? Why does this matter to you? You may be part of the problem here.

We all have kids that are different in some way, and I actively taught mine that being different is fine.

If the growth is within normal limits and no health concerns, you need to change your tack to bolster his confidence. How small is he - have you measured him on the growth chart and is he growing at all? If not you may need medical advice.

Notagain76 · 13/06/2022 07:41

Someone always have to be the shortest, my year 8 old lad is the tallest over 6ft and size 11 shoe and I don’t think he’s finished.
if you really are concerned speak to GP as they can provide steroid injections for growth

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 13/06/2022 08:06

Short people do exist and someone does need to be the shortest. Why are you framing his height as a bad thing?

WellTidy · 13/06/2022 08:11

My 14yo DS is the shortest in his class. He has grown, but at nothing like the rate of his peers. He is in a single sex school too, so he really is the shortest person in his class.

He has nearly finished Y9 and he is 5 ft 3.5 inches tall. Taller than me! DH is about 5 ft 9inches, but my side of the family are shorter. DH had a growth spurt at age 19 which got him to 5 ft 9.

I’m not sure he will grow much more. He started puberty at age 11, so it’s not like he is a late developer in other ways. And he eats really nutritious food so he isn’t lacking in any vitamins.

I always say to him that it’s not something he has any control over, that he is taller than me already, and that he is healthy and well and strong. We’ve had some awful family news lately which puts this in perspective, so that helps.

TeenPlusCat · 13/06/2022 08:13

He's a boy, young in year, with 'not tall' parents.
I think rather than saying 'his time will come' you need to help him find a way of being OK with being shorter at least for the next 3 years.
At least in September there will probably be some boys shorter than he is.

Littlemissprosecco · 13/06/2022 08:17

My ds is still one one the smallest in the year. But he’s finally taller than me, so is now happy. Chances are he will have that growth spurt and you won’t be able to keep up with the clothes!
just keep encouraging to him to see his positives, sport, academics. My ds went to the gym, has an awesome 6 pack which his tall friends haven’t, he’s also quicker on the sports field. We had to do a lot of you are who you are, and we love you, and what will be will be. He’s 16 now and fairly ok with his height, he’s 6’8, and may still have some more growth, but who knows?

Fizbosshoes · 13/06/2022 08:18

I'm less than 5ft. I don't like it but there's nothing I can do about it. I am quite self deprecating and usually make a joke about my height almost as a self defence against other people doing it iyswim.
Throughout my childhood people were always saying wait til you're <insert age> and you'll shoot up. I'm still waiting!
My DD is 15 and 5'1 or 5'2 and DS is also year 7 and he's a few inches shorter than me, at the moment.

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 08:21

My husband is 5ft 4 and it took him til 16 to get that tall. Some boys are destined to be short men. If I were you I'd be focusing on avoiding raising a son with Short Man Syndrome because that attitude will 100% hold him back more than being under 5ft8.

Littlemissprosecco · 13/06/2022 09:20

Sorry he’s 5’8!

RandomMess · 13/06/2022 10:29

I was always the shortest and it's only now as an adult I have a friend that is shorter than me - but that is for health reasons.

My brother is shorter than my Dad and again always the shortest.

Have a tall DP so my DC aren't going to be the shortest!

turkeyboots · 13/06/2022 10:33

Is he generally well? Short but developing normally otherwise? There are lots of conditions which can impact puberty and growth so maybe worth a check up if you are getting worried.

Wildehorses · 13/06/2022 10:37

My son age 15 is just 5ft 3in (same height as me) and the smallest in his year ... what makes it harder is that his older brother takes after my husband and is over 6 feet but my younger son sadly must have got my height genes (dad, uncles, brother all short in my family) ....so having a tall partner does not necessarily result in a tall son! I really hope he has a late growth spurt when he turns 16 this autumn but he has a tiny frame so I doubt it. I feel so bad for him but DNA is a strange beast.

Mischance · 13/06/2022 10:39

Is he getting teased about this?

I would try and encourage him to think it is OK not to be tall and that everyone is different. He needs to be proud of who he is and not looking forward to some growth spurt as if this is a goal and a result.

My DGS is at the end of year 8 and he is by far the shortest person in the whole school. His best friend is very tall and lanky and they make quite a pair! - but neither is bothered about it. DGS has talents (brain like a planet and exceptional rock guitarist) that the others admire in him and his height is not an issue. Are there positive things that you can emphasise for him?

Thinkbiglittleone · 13/06/2022 10:41

Our DS is tiny and petite and we suspect always will be as we are both short.

In my opinion, telling your DS "your time will come" is reinforcing the fact he "needs to grow.
I think you need to be instilling in him that it's ok to be the smallest, (of course he will hate being the smallest) but ultimately, if he is the smallest.. he is, that's life and teaching him to try ignore or at least deal with any comments made and he's perfect as he is.

User76745333 · 13/06/2022 10:42

Honestly I wish I never said to DS1 that he would grow. He hasn't and is now 17 and 5 foot 6, very much the smallest and no signs that he will grow any more (every indication in fact that he's finished growing). This is particularly painful for him since his younger brother is already 6 foot and is two years younger.

There is nothing you can do and talking about it will just give him a complex about it.

thewalrus · 13/06/2022 12:25

Reading with interest, and agreeing with those who have said to try to frame it as 'everyone is different' rather than 'you will grow' (though of course he might).

DS is one of, possibly the, the smallest boys in Y9, and just at the moment is dealing with the added height difficult of being an inch shorter than his twin sister. I think there's every chance he will grow late - his dad was a very late grower/developer, and he has a cousin who was tiny until 15 and had a very intense grow spurt. But he might not - I'm 5ft and from a family of short people. So, I'm trying to emphasise that it's fine to be whatever size you are and being strong and healthy are the important things.

He'd definitely like to be taller, but it doesn't bother him a great deal either. He's quick and good at sport, which I think definitely helps. And I'm comfortable with my height (although, yes, I know it's different for females), so I hope that's a positive for him too.

axolotlfloof · 13/06/2022 12:39

I have short children although DC1, has grown a lot in the last 2 years (he is nearly 15).
Both their Dad and their Dad's brother were late developers so we have discussed that as a family. Also the fact that both that both I and DH are average height (5'4 and 5'9") so they are unlikely to be tall.
DS2 is smaller than his brother overall and was still the smallest child at primary in y1 (smaller than all the receptions). He is pretty content with being small, has some similar sized friends and lots of comebacks for anyone who calls him a midget). He is also sporty and in many sports size isn't too important.
I would agree with those who say find positives about being smaller and short role models (eg Lionel Messi).

ladyinthecampervan · 13/06/2022 12:52

Mine is the same. Y7 - 4’ 6” and size 2.5 shoes. One of the oldest in the year as well.

he’s always been the smallest but he doesn’t seem to mind too much. Especially now his mates have to pay VAT on their ridiculously expensive trainers and he doesn’t :)

MrsPear · 13/06/2022 13:05

How short though? Around 150cm and 40 kg is average. How does he compare to the charts rather than peers?

Devotedcatslave · 13/06/2022 13:19

I agree with the majority saying encourage him to accept his height. I have a short DS. I'll be honest it does worry me, but I keep my worries to myself and so far he genuinely doesn't seem to be bothered. He and his friends all mock each other in a friendly way, and they all have something they could be insecure about. Most people are imperfect in some way or another, so if you can learn to accept the body you have then life will be a million times easier.

Elmo311 · 13/06/2022 13:20

Maybe see where he is on the growth chart OP? Could be a growth hormone issue or not an issue at all. If you're worried get him checked my the GP.

Turquoisesea · 13/06/2022 13:28

My DS was one of the shortest in his year in year 7 and it bothered him a lot. He still hadn’t grown much by year 9 and was in much younger clothes as is very slim too so I took him to the Drs who wasn’t concerned and said he had plenty of time left to grow. He has had his growth spurt much older than his peers. He is now 17 and a half and 5ft 10 and I would say he has done most of his growing over the last year so there is still plenty of time for him to grow.