Alcohol. Is there a problem or am I worrying

[Eryioy]

My DP drinks around a bottle of wine every night or so. Sometimes a little more. He changes completely with alcohol - relaxed, chatty and carefree. Without it he’s moody and quiet.

He’s often slurring words on the phone and when together I often watch him go from fun to chat with to pretty much out of it. Though he seems to handle a bottle of wine fine without being properly drunk.

I feel sad and worried about it but he assures me this is normal for men his age! (40s). Would you be concerned? I barely drink so have no idea really.

Yes
That is alcoholic territory

Yes. My DF is the same. Cannot go a night without 5-6 cans of cider. He openly addicts he's an alcoholic though.

Not normal. He is probably damaging his liver drinking that much every night.

*admits not addicts sorry.

Yes I think the fact that he's relying on it to feel relaxed is a warning. he is becoming dependent on it and is likely to get worse.

Check the bottles to see how many units he’s drinking vs the recommended limit on the NHS website. It isn’t normal or healthy to drink so much and definitely not to rely on it every day or to loosen up.

A bottle of wine a night is madness. That's 70 units a week. The NHS recommends no more than 14.

A bottle of wine a night is too much.

Units in one bottle of wine is approx ten. So 70 units per week.

Advice from NHS is 14 units per week spaced out over three days. So he is drinking five times the recommended amount basically.

This is a serious problem yes.Do you live together?Is this a new pattern?Does he want to cut down on his drinking sounds as if he thinks it is normal.

9 units of alcohol per bottle x 7 days is 63 units a week. The maximum recommended level is 14. And he's supposed to have one or two dry days a week to give his liver a rest.
That's alcoholic/cirrhosis territory.

sorry it’s not every night maybe 3 or 4 times a week he will have a bottle then just a few glasses on other nights.

Not normal sorry. And without it his mood changes which suggests he is chemically imbalanced (lack of dopamine) - this is how addiction works.

1.5 bottles of wine per week would be at the recommended limit, if spaced out over theee days or more.

So 1/2 bottle on Friday, 1/2 bottle Saturday and then a couple of glasses in the week.

Yeah still too much.

Even if it seems like he's just being relaxed and doesn't have any 'problems' caused by alcohol he's poisoning himself with that much wine. Nobody can 'handle' that. Eventually it will start to show. Doesn't mean he'll have to be sober forever but he should probably try a 6 week break and then see how he feels. Saying all this... You should be very aware of your own boundaries at this stage. What you think won't matter. What does he think?

The nights he drinks a bottle - 10 units, finishing at say 11pm, he'll still be over the limit at 7am the following day. Does he drive to work? Does he take his dcs to school? 😕

I think you metabolise one unit per hour. So unless he glugs down a whole bottle at 11pm, I don't think this is true!

Say he starts drinking at 8pm, he will be fine to drive by 8am the next day.

Doesn't make his love of drinking ok, just not a driving issue.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. The problem is, that one bottle a night will soon become two.

If he's also slurring on the phone and out of it when you go out (despite not being obviously affected by a bottle of wine) he's obviously drinking a lot more than a bottle on some occasions.

If you can get him to read/listen to this book. It made all the diffence for me. I was drinking more than that, plus whiskey, gin and vodka. It isnt until you realise the process of taking alcohol and the chemical imbalance it causes. I stopped completely age 54 after a lifetime of Drinking culture. Withrawl takes 4 days -MAX. https:
//www.amazon.co.uk/Alcohol-Explained-William-Porter-ebook/dp/B00W4D1YW4

I would say it's actually surprisingly common. I think MN is a strange landscape of people who don't really drink or only have a sherry at Christmas. I say this as someone who once drank in an unhealthy way and now doesn't drink. But certainly I don't think a bottle of wine 3-4 days a week or more is that unusual. People drink a shocking amount behind closed doors, even when they tisk, tisk about others' drinking in the light of day.

However, that said, yes, it's unhealthy and can have serious health consequences over time, including liver inflammation and putting him at greater risk of pretty much all cancers. I'm not sure there is much you can do about it though. You can express your concerns but he might be more likely to be defensive and just hide it better when he does drink (to be slurring his words, I'd expect he's drinking more than a bottle of wine). I think he has to come to a point where he decides it's getting in the way of life and he wants something different. When that comes, encouraging him, offering to do a dry month (or months) together, supporting other activities (like taking up a hobby or a sport instead) can be really beneficial. But he has to decide that he's fed up with life involving so much alcohol first.