Sorting out DMs house after going in a residential home.

[Soupsetscared]

I posted a few weeks ago about DM going into a home after she was
diagnosed with dementia. She has been in over a month now seems to have settled in. Thinks she is in a hotel calls the staff that waitress or waiter.
Today my brothers and I started to sort out her house as it will be sold
to pay for her care. We didn't realise how much of a hoarder she had become.
4 hours and we only cleared the kitchen, bathroom and a small part of the attic.
How sad it is that some of her things which must have given joy when she bought
them are now going to either the charity shop or the tip. Some might be sold.
Everything has to be checked as she hid money everywhere.
(£250 in the middle of a loo roll)
Photos of people we don't know.
The funniest thing we found were 90 clay pipes with lots and lots of matches,
all wrapped up in kitchen roll with £60 cash.
It's going to be a long job as it's 3 bedrooms, 3 reception rooms, 2 sheds and a very
large greenhouse. And we can only go a couple of days a week with work and holidays.
It's reminded us that we need to put names on the back of our photos.

Amazing about all the pipes! I wonder what other curiosities you will come across? It’s nice she thinks she’s in a hotel, hopefully she thinks she’s having a lovely time.
Helping clear out DGM house when she went into care has made me resolve to get rid of a lot of clutter. It really is such a huge task isn’t it? I don’t want to make DC responsible for all that when I get to an age I may need care.
I didn’t look through her photos as there were packets upon packets so I told myself “they are her memories, not mine”. I had to walk away from them but an uncle did put them in a box to take to his.

DF has just gone into care with dementia so we are about to start organising to clear his place. It’s such a hard job, emotionally I mean.

I’m dreading doing my mum’s. Nobody has been in the loft since she moved there over 40 years ago. She’s held onto all sorts. I gave her a hand to bin piles and piles of magazines and old cassettes last time I was up.

My DH had a house clearance on his mum’s, but she’d cleared out loads having moved some years ago. I think I’ll do the same once I’ve been through it and told family they can take what they like.

My mother was meticulous about her possessions. She believed in quality not quantity and took care of everything. She also moved a fair amount. Consequently when she passed away going through her things was easy. Her filing system had fallen a bit, and she was the devil for scribbling important things on any scrap of paper she found! But at least she filed it!
This and listening to Swedish death cleaning in Radio 4 and I'm trying to get things in order so my children do not have a nightmare when I pass away.

Oh we did this for my dad - my mum chucked about 100 pairs of socks! I always felt at least I we could do this while he was still alive... it would have been so much harder after he passed away.

When my grandfather died my mum needed to change a lightbulb for my grandmother. The first 3 lightbulb boxes had nearly £1000 in each of them!!

My parents lived in the same house for over 50 years and never got rid of anything 'just in case'. Eg. Every time they bought a new kettle the put the old one in the loft 'just in case' the kettle packed up so they'd have a spare immediately to hand!

I had serious words with them whilst they were still alive and cleared most of the loft cupboards. Who needs 3 Christmas trees when you're 80 and only have one reception room?

DM died 2 years after DF. I'd done a fair bit of clearing between the 2. Once DM died I'm afraid most of it went to either the charity shop (5 camel coats anyone?) or in a skip. It was mostly worthless (to us). Of course I kept some photos and personal stuff but maximum 1 plastic tub worth!

It's hard OP. It really is. And yes it's time consuming. And heartbreaking to have to clear out their whole life of possessions- especially when you don't need the things yourself and know that they aren't worth anything for selling (even if you had time to faff around with doing that).

I think it is probably better to be doing it because the house needs to be sold for care fees rather than after they have died though .

It's good that your mum has settled into her new home though .

I'd never thought about hiding stuff/cash inside a loo roll...Genius idea!

That said, I'd probably chuck it by accident anyway. 🤦‍♀️

Were at the same point with dh grandmother. Long story as to why were doing it all 🙄
Anyway weve found £500 so far in random places in the house! I think she knew there was a decline as she gave famy lots of things- but then I got lots of glassware/ ornaments that are important to her but not my taste and I feel I have to keep them!

BTW, I am sorting my dad's old photos now. So many old photos, really lovely quality B&W ones that have kept their quality, but no idea who the people are! I still have boxes and boxes of my dad's slides too - he was a very keen photographer.

Best of luck with the house clearance and yes, great your mum has settled in.

Check the curtain hems and linings. Found a lot of money sewn into those when my Great Aunt died.

Op check hems of coats and any turn ups in cuffs of coats or jackets for money. Dementia sufferers really seem to stash cash in the oddest places.

Clearing houses is a hard task and certainly makes you think differently about 'stuff'. Nothing is in our loft for that reason. I think it encourages hording stuff for the heck of it.

My great aunt had £700 in a roll of ( rusty) steel wool. This was in 1971, so that was a LOT of money. I don’t know what made me look at it,,perhaps it was the £10 notes interleaved with the coupons for Stork and Bero?

I have no family, I don’t know what will happen to my ‘things’ except for those that have been specifically willed to institutions which will use/ value them.

I try to be tidy.

Oh it is so sweet that your DM thinks she is in a hotel. In lots of ways both she and you/family are fortunate that she has settled in so well. Speaking from experience here of a not so happy Mum who needed to be cared for professionally.

Anyway.... myself and sister cleared her house out and it was very nostalgic and a little sad. But we cracked on. I am the one with more storage space, so I got to mind/keep wait for it.... numerous Royal Doulton dolls (omg), Royal Worcester china things, and silver. All gifts for her 25th wedding anniversary that had been stored away in her house. I don't know what to do with them now as no one wants them! Mum passed away last year BTW.

@Silverbirch2 its really hard when you are chosen to be the keeper of things that aren’t to your taste.
this lady has a 6 parter on it, and of letting things go. this is the highlights
vm.tiktok.com/ZMNLoadKL/
This one may help, “ it doesn’t have magical properties because it belonged to your grandmother…” I still haven’t managed to let things go but I’m more open to the idea!
vm.tiktok.com/ZMNLo5XFG/

Keep some things to take in so she can talk about them.

That is a good point @TeenPlusCat . There is likely to be space for some of your mum's favourite things in her room at the care home .

Not just the favourite things, also other small curious things like the clay pipes. Your DM may remember about them, even when she can't remember what she had for breakfast.

My grandma was a hoarder so my mum isn’t (and I’ve bought her Swedish death cleaning book) but MIL… I’m worried already. She just can’t let go of other peoples junk because of their emotional attachment to it. I just can’t relate at all.