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Original poster

Some husbands are actually nice people. Mine is a good guy because ...

32 replies

MiaGain · 11/06/2022 13:28

.... fill in the blank! ..........................

We read so much on here about posters' DHs/partners who are awful for one reason or another - lazy, neglectful, messy, abusive, unfaithful - it's a long list of sins, and posters rightly vent on here and ask for advice on how to deal with things.

My DH is far from perfect (but then neither am I!), but yesterday he did something incredibly nice for me, relating to my passion for my hobby and my wish to acquire a new (expensive) bit of kit for said hobby. He has bought me the bit of kit: he didn't have to, I'm managing OK without it. I'm surprised, touched and over the moon. It was totally unexpected, and quite out of character for him to do something so generous and spontaneous. He said I needed a treat 😀

(Caveat ... no, he definitely is not having an affair, feeling guilty about anything or trying to curry favour in any way. It's not my birthday .....)

So, can anyone else tell us a story of their good guys, nice things partners have done out-of-the-blue, or generally try to convince us that some partners are actually decent human beings ?

OP posts:
BiscoffSundae · 11/06/2022 13:31

these threads don’t usually go well as people think they have a good guy because he cleans or “looks after” his own kids which is just normal and nothing special That needs to be praised.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/06/2022 13:37

Why though? How does it affect you if people come on here seeking advice about a terrible partner. Why do we need to rally round and big up the “good ‘uns”. If men don’t like other men giving them a bad name then maybe they could rally round and teach other men not to be cocks.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/06/2022 13:39

Besides you’ve just said his nice act was totally out of character so kinda doesn’t sound like that great a guy!

ButtOutBobsMum · 11/06/2022 13:41

Mine is a good guy because he's been a total rock during a recent health scare. We've been married 20 years and like most couples probably take each other for granted but the way he's dealt with this has reminded me just how much he loves and appreciates me and that our relationship is rock solid. The "in sickness and in health" part of our marriage vows are going to be challenged over the next few years but I have absolutely no doubt he will be the support I need.

And I do agree that it's good to remind ourselves with all the crappy and abusive men that are out there, there are equally good, loving, kind, thoughtful men too.

Burnt0utMum · 11/06/2022 13:42

Nice to have a bit of positivity. OP, that's a lovely thing your DH did for you. Hope you enjoy your treat 😊.

My DH is a good guy because he's spending the whole day in the kitchen installing the new dishwasher I wanted and do the wall tiles I chose.

SquirrelSoShiny · 11/06/2022 13:43

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/06/2022 13:39

Besides you’ve just said his nice act was totally out of character so kinda doesn’t sound like that great a guy!

😂😬

OP I don't think this thread will go in the way you hoped but there's a reason for that sadly. I think the bar can be set very low for 'what is a good husband?' and it's good to get people asking questions.

bagsofbats · 11/06/2022 13:46

I had a hot water dispenser for years that stopped working so I dug out the kettle again, no bother. But within 24 hours a new machine arrived. He doesn't drink hot drinks, we had a working kettle this was purely to make my life easier and I appreciate that.

Partypoooooper · 11/06/2022 13:47

Because every day he tells me he loves me and I look amazing, even when I really don't feel like I do.

MayMi · 11/06/2022 13:54

When I was pregnant with DD, my husband said he hopes she will look and be exactly like her mum (me). I asked him why, he has many wonderful things about him physically and mentally. He said because you're perfect, so she will be perfect too 🥲❤️

ForestFae · 11/06/2022 14:01

My DH is a good guy because he’s a hands on dad, spends time with the kids on their actual interests, he raised and treats DS1 the same way as DS2 and DD (DS1 is my son from a previous relationship, DH and I met when DS1 was a young baby and DS1 considers DH his dad), he’s an all round family focused man which I think is a wonderful quality.

Isonthecase · 11/06/2022 14:04

Mine can be a total sweetheart too, he's just really good at seeing what I need and cracking on. When we had our first baby he totally took over all the nights and did absolutely everything he could until he went back to work, somehow managed to keep the house tidy and make lovely healthy meals and do all the night feeds so literally all I had to do was recover. It was really basic but he didn't make a big deal of it at all and just showed he cared about me and our child rather than just saying it.

Obviously he does the other stuff too like flowers and whatnot but I always think it's the basic things like that done really well that mean more than the showy things.

MayDaze · 11/06/2022 14:07

My OH is amazing.

He was a single parent, as was I, for many years. Before that he was married and she was an alcoholic. He was solely responsible for all income as she was unable to work and he ran the house whilst also working full time in a very stressful, skilled role..

At the same time I was single parent, working full time, running a home and battling with what I now know as undiagnosed ADHD, which made my life chaotic and disregulated.

We had been together over 5 years before we moved in together. Both going from single parents to 2 children to a household of 6!

My mental health problems mean that I am not always reliable for a weekly shop or to keep on top of the laundry, for example. He just does it, he runs the house and I do whatever I'm able to (which is a good amount usually, but sometimes I am a jibbering wreck unable to leave my bed).

He doesn't complain, he doesn't have a go, he just gets on with it.

When I read about useless husbands on here I often feel huge guilt because I think in our relationship the stereotypical roles are reversed and I could be viewed as the feckless partner.

But he never makes me feel that way. Because of his constant support I am able to be more relaxed, less stressed and think more clearly. This in turn helps me, most of the time, to be more of a functioning person.

I bring the emotion to the partnership and the added extras to the family (bake birthday cakes, make a big deal out of occasions, little but important parts of daily life that he doesn't because he's busy doing everything else. He's not brilliant at the emotional side of things (but I know without doubt he loves me, he doesn't say it and he isn't romantic in usual ways but I feel loved and very secure).

I never thought in a million years I would find someone like him. If I could have written what I "needed" and "wanted" in a man he ticks every box.

We have a lovely drama free relationship and each of us are very content.

He is my everything.

PerpetualStudent · 11/06/2022 14:08

My DH is fab but I personally welcome every thread where someone is venting or looking for advice on their awful DH because I’m many situations Mumsnet is their lifeline out of there.

The support offered on those threads is very ‘positive’ IMO

bloodywhitecat · 11/06/2022 14:11

Mine was a good man. When was seriously ill the parents of one of our former fosterlings thanked him for helping restore their child's trust in men and I think that speaks volumes for the kind of person he was.

Wotagain · 11/06/2022 14:15

My DH was a good guy. I mentioned in passing that the batteries in my toothbrush had run out. I’d forgotten to take some upstairs when I went to bed, only to find he’d already replaced them for me, just because, without any prompting.
I have so many more examples, and now they are precious memories as he died suddenly earlier this year.

Oldfilmsareshit · 11/06/2022 14:18

Why do you feel the need to do this? Are you part of the ‘not all men’ movement or something?

I think men are perfectly okay without a group of random women writing about how great their husbands are

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 11/06/2022 14:23

I don't understand for need of this either. People normally has good and bad points. Not everyone is perfect. But if you are married, there must be more better than bad, otherwise why would you stay married?

skgnome · 11/06/2022 14:25

My husband is not perfect
but he is arranging his new work hours to fit around DD’s school hours
and I know “is his kid and why do women have all the responsibility?” I agree, but the reality is not that many guys do it, and I didn’t even mentioned it, he is just doing it, because he’s a decent guy
oh and also he’s offering to not only come with me and DD to comic-con, but he offered to cosplay with us (yes I’m a big geek and so is DD… he has a passing interest on all things feel) - just because he wants to spend time with us

SunnyLobelia · 11/06/2022 14:26

Mine is a good guy because i said in passing a few months ago that I;d quite like to see the Windsor horse show and a few weeks later he told me he had booked me a ticket, booked me a hotel and had booked 2 days off work for me and presented it as a fait accompli.

Original poster
MiaGain · 11/06/2022 14:33

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe ... How does it affect you if people come on here seeking advice about a terrible partner. ....doesn't affect me in the slightest. That's why MN is here, surely?

Besides you’ve just said his nice act was totally out of character so kinda doesn’t sound like that great a guy! .... the urge to spend a lot of money (we can afford it, but that's not the point) on something hobby related, rather than home improvements or some other practical thing, is unusual for him. He has other good points, but won't go into those here ....

OP posts:
PrettyLittleCryer · 11/06/2022 14:33

Find it a bit odd how many people are taking the exception at OP having the audacity to create a positive post praising husbands. If you don't like it, scroll on by. Not a word is said about specifically negative husband posts.

She isn't doing it "for" men. She's doing it because she feels warm and fuzzy about something her DH did and, in the moment of wanting to share, also wants to reflect on the goodness in others' husbands - which is a weird thing to get offended by!

Mine has good and bad points but, above all, he is endlessly tolerant of my quirks, he's a very sweet person who generally sees the best in people and tries his damndest to make me happy even when I'm basically impossible to please. Huzzah for good husbands.

PrettyLittleCryer · 11/06/2022 14:35

@SunnyLobelia you win! Can we swap (joke!) 😁😁

JorisBonson · 11/06/2022 14:38

Because he's an all round good guy. We're a total partnership, he makes me laugh every single day, would go to the ends of the earth for me (and I him), and he's gorgeous to boot.

SunnyLobelia · 11/06/2022 14:42

PrettyLittleCryer · 11/06/2022 14:35

@SunnyLobelia you win! Can we swap (joke!) 😁😁

Grin. As is normal we also have frustrations. We both annoy the crap out of each other often. But in 20 years the good far outweigh the bad.

I do feel lucky though. he loves and respects me and is interested in my views and my wellbeing. And that is 100% vice versa. We pay attention to each other.

DinosaursEatMan · 11/06/2022 14:45

There is a book that I very much wanted but has been long out of print and I’d had no luck in finding one. Dh tracked down a copy in the US and got it delivered for my birthday. It’s a UK author and very specifically relates to one of my interests, nothing to do with the US at all. Apparently it took some finding!