If you weren't ready for a child, but discovered you were in premature ovarian failure, would you try?

[justdancewithme]

This is where I find myself.

Long term relationship but we don't live together. Partner is two years clean of a gambling addiction. I already have a son (teenage) who has been a challenge to say the least. I earn well but not at the top of my game career wise.

I wanted a baby but not yet.

Today I found out I'm in premature ovarian failure and if I want a baby it's basically try now or lose the chance of it ever happening.

What would you do in my shoes?

I would, I think lots of people have babies they aren't ready for & just adapt. I would take that over the regret of not trying now & it not happening in the future.

In that situation I wouldn't, but if I didn't already have a child I probably would.

Do you have the option of freezing your eggs? If you did, do you have the resources to pay for IVF if and when the time comes?

I would freeze some eggs.
Although it would depend on my age (how old are you?) and also with a teenager there's no way I'd want to start again.
Each to their own though so if you want another and you are as confident as you can be that your partner will be able to avoid gambling or other addictions, why not go for it?

Also I strongly believe that every couple should ideally live together for at least a year before TTC. Of course people conceive when not living together or when they've only recently moved in. But it's not what I would choose to do. Especially given the number of threads I read on here about men who don't do their share of housework - it might be bearable pre kids but certainly not when you have a baby.

How old are you?

If you didn't already have a child I would have said yes. As you do I would freeze eggs if I could.

I would if I had no children and a stable partner.
But you already have a son, and concerns about your partner. A baby will not make any of that easier

I have 4 children - 25 down to 17 - I think with the advent of social media/ childrens expectations of life - it’s just getting harder and harder.

No-one is ever ready, there's no right time ever. Put it off waiting for that and it'll never happen. If you want kids do it.

I was going to freeze my eggs, that's how I found out. Well, we were going to have embryos frozen as frozen eggs are not very successful on their own.

They've basically said we could freeze embryos but my egg count is so low that our chances are slim of IVF being successful. So we could try naturally now, and then IVF if it didn't work naturally. Or we could give up on the idea of kids altogether. But waiting for much more than a few months is not really an option.

We live together fine, we have lived together previously for four years but we split for six months in the midst of the gambling and haven't lived together since.

with a child already, almost grown up, and a dodgy partner, no I wouldn't bother.
Or use donated sperm and go it alone?

Yea but only if I really wanted a child. It sounds like you’re not sure - what does your partner want? So you trust him?
but it’s last chance saloon so you need to decide

In the situation you describe no, I wouldn't try to have another child.

agree with @lassof on the whole. However if you’re around my age (32, you could have had your teen young) I can see how it would be really hard to say your childbearing days are over.

Yes, I'm 34 and this has floored me tbh.

What scares you more, having a baby now or no more at all?

They both scare me. I'm no further forward with any of this. A new acquaintance asked my partner at the weekend if he wanted children and I burst into tears on the spot. This is so, so hard.

What does your partner say about it? Are they keen for a baby or are they indifferent about it?