If you met your DH/DP in your mid-30s, how long did you wait to get serious?

[wearingbandanas]

I'm 33, he's 36. I definitely don't want to rush into things but quite conscious that we are both a bit older and even waiting 3 years would put us at 36/39.

Met mine age 29, he was 41 we moved in together after 3 months had our first baby a year later, 2nd 3 years later and now been together 25 years. If you know you know!

When we met he was 27 and I was 29. We married when I was 35 and had DD1 a year later.

That really was quick! Glad to hear it all worked out.

Married 14 months after meeting; baby the year after! Still together after 20 years.

We dived right in. 15 years and two lovely kids later, it’s still good.

met him on the Friday. First date on the Saturday. Stayed over on the Monday. Never moved out. Been together 12 years now. First DC arrived after nearly 3 years together. No hanging about.

I was 38 and dh was 37 and he moved in after 3 months , started ttc after a year and had our dd 18 months later . We’ve been together 10 years now and married for 3.

Do you want kids? I’m 33, started dating my partner in January but we won’t be moving in together before the year mark - perhaps not even then (my choice). But we don’t want kids which takes off the pressure to get serious.

We're pretty much spending all of our time together (6 months in) and I definitely see a future.

It's difficult though. We both own flats and I definitely want to be married before kids.

Yes, we both do want kids.

Surely by this age you know yourself.

Dh and I were v similar ages to you when we met. Engaged after 3 months, married 6 months later. Dc1, dc2 followed so we were a family of 4 within 3 years of first meeting.

20+ years later all still good 😊

What exactly are you waiting for?!

Met mine age 31, became friends. Became a couple when I was 34. I was pregnant within a few months and we moved in together. I already had a nine year old when we got together though so I didn't want a huge gap.

Also he is two years younger than me.

Got together with DH when I was 31 so a bit younger than your range but still. I'd say within 6 months we knew it was serious. We moved in together after about 18 months, got engaged on our second 'getting together' anniversary and married about 9 months later.

If we hadn't been serious after 6-12 months I think I would have ended it. I wanted a family and to be married first.

We got together when I was 31 and he was 39, discussed marriage on our first date (as in "I'm looking for something serious to lead to marriage, if you just want a feeling then let's not go any further", engaged after 3 months, married 19 months into our relationship, and first baby born a month after our first anniversary.
But ... We had known each other 11 years when we started dating.

Yeah, we still have a lot of getting to know each other to do. I really like what I know of him, and we've had discussions about kids and marriage, but it's funny how when I think about waiting four years to have kids, it simultaneously seems like ages and not enough time!

Got engaged 5 months after the official start of the relationship and married just over a year later. Didn't have children as planned, sadly and had met through a very good mutual friend, so sort of knew neither of us were total knobheads 😂

I was 32, he was 35 and I was surprised by how quickly things moved but it felt very right.

Yeah, I think very honestly I want to TTC in 2025 at the latest and we'll need to work back from there.

I think I was 31 and DP was 34; I was technically still married (waiting the two years living apart, after which you don't have to cite reasons for wanting a divorce). We didn't hang around because we wanted babies and knew it could take a while for various reasons. We moved in together after a few months and had DD a year and nine months after we first met.

In retrospect I'm so glad we didn't wait to have DD, because she's wonderful but also because it looks as if DP's in perimenopause, and she might not have fallen pregnant if we'd waited much longer. In an ideal world, though, we probably should have talked a lot more rather than blithely going for it!

What would you have talked about?

Met DH when I was 29 and he was 35.

Got married when I was 31 and DD1 was born when I was 32.

DH was really serious about kids from very early on as he didn’t want to be an “old dad”.

it was a total contrast to my exp who was stringing me along with false promises regarding kids.

Married 18 months later, had DS a further year later aged 34. DH was the one that really wanted dc.

TBH, things that aren't all that relevant to you, sorry! I really wish we'd discussed the fact that I really wanted the experience of being pregnant, whereas she saw pregnancy as a necessary and annoying means to an end. She tried first, because she's older and because I have fertility issues, and she thought it was obvious she was being a bit self-sacrificing; I thought it was obvious I was being nice in not pushing for me to try first. It caused a lot of unnecessary miscommunication/resentment. But you don't need to worry about that!

I would definitely say, based on years on MN, you need to talk very precisely about what you each expect to happen when the baby is born. How often do babies wake up; who will get up; what happens if you're ill and on maternity leave (will he take time off to look after the baby?). I don't think there are any right or wrong answers, but it really matters that you've had the discussions while you're not sleep deprived!

Oh, ok Y\Thank you. I'm glad it worked out for you.

We have had a very basic discussion about me taking as much mat leave as possible. He is a very keen uncle and babysits his nephews as much as he can, so I'm optimistic. He also asked first about kids, which has never happened in all my time OLD.

I hope it works out for you as well! Good luck!