Why do I feel so guilty for doing the right thing

[Lbnc2021]

My friend has admitted after a long time in denial that they have an addiction to alcohol. I have tried to support them and be a good friend as much as I can, including financially at a couple of points.

last weekend they were in the depths of despair after getting drunk again. They’ve had a turbulent past and are awaiting counselling. They are also going to AA which I privately have my doubt about. Anyway earlier on they asked for money for drink and for the first time I said no. I felt I had to explain myself to them. They said no it’s your money you don’t need to explain. I apologised to them for treating them like a child. But I cannot enable them anymore, I don’t think I would be a good friend if I done that. They’ve said they’re starting a 12 step programme next week and basically wanted one last blow out, but no I’m not wanting to be responsible for the despair they will feel later. So why do I feel so guilty even though I’ve done the right thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have 100% done the right thing. You wouldn't be a good friend if this person got absolutely leathered on your money and ended up hurt or worse. Imagine the guilt you'd have to live with if that happened. You're a good friend and I hope this person achieves full recovery.

10 points to Griffindor.

You've done the right thing.

She knows you're right too and will thank you

Thank you for the replies. I know i am doing the right thing but i just feel so bad, like I’m treating them like a child and being patronising ‘it’s for your own good’ type thing.

Can you offer to do something together instead ?

As someone who is 14 years sober you absolutely did the right thing. You shouldn't enable your friend. Well done- it's not an easy thing to do.

You’ve done your friend a favour and they know it. I suspect they will find a way to drink today anyway, but hearing no from someone who loves them might be a bit of a lightbulb moment for them. They’ll still feel dreadful tomorrow though.

I said to them to come over and we’ll get a takeaway and watch a movie but they said no they’re too tired. They’ve been off work for over a week now because they are so down, I think this will be another job down the pan because it’s a fairly new one and that itself brings worry as they won’t have money to cover rent and bills but I can’t give any more financially. I’ve tried to get them to see if they can get some help financially to save the roof over their head. It really is a heart breaking situation, I just wish I could take the demons away and they can be happy again but it’s not that easy.