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Original poster

Please make me get a grip about baby gender

20 replies

Seelal · 10/06/2022 16:05

I’m finding out the gender soon. My best friend just found out she’s having a girl. I want a girl. Though I have a feeling it’s a boy. I’m also likely to be a single parent soon (long story!) and that is adding to my fear of a boy as I worry they will need a male figure more than a girl.

Im worried I’m not going to cope when I find out and that maybe I shouldn’t even know. I know this is so silly by the way and I’m aware I need a sharp talking to. I just want to be prepared and I’m getting myself into a right state.

Can anyone relate?!

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 10/06/2022 16:53

I wanted a boy and I got a boy. I am a single parent and I can promise you that he has and had plenty of male role models. He is respectful to women, socially aware and great with people.

But I'd have loved a girl just as much. Particularly when they are babies there is no difference.

Peach777 · 10/06/2022 17:02

It’s the attachment to the opposite sex parent that can be the most important.

MojoJojo71 · 10/06/2022 17:12

I raised a son as a single parent. He is wonderful, he’s 25 now and we still have a very close relationship.

I’m now raising a daughter, again as a single parent. In many ways she is very like her brother and in others she is not. She’s louder, much more boisterous but just as loving and clever and kind and amazing.

All a gender scan will tell you is what genitals your baby is likely to have. It won’t be able to tell you anything about the incredible, unique child you will raise, the relationship you will have or the million ways in which they will amaze you. Try not to get too hung up on this one small detail, in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that important.

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Families
SpaceJamtart · 10/06/2022 17:17

Whether you get a boy or a girl its good to have male role models, but they don't need to be the father at all, the kids grandad, their uncles, your male friends, male teachers, other partners you might have during the next 18 years.
My male role model growing up was my older sister's boyfriend.
Your child will be just fine, boys are amazing and you will have just as good of a relationship with a son as you would a daughter

Twizbe · 10/06/2022 17:30

I didn't find out what I was having. I really wanted boys and at 20 weeks I wasn't bonded enough to find out if I was having a girl (spoiler I got one of each)

I knew that when my baby was born, I wouldn't care. I knew that one look and I'd love them and they could be a monkey for all I cared.

Perhaps for you it would be best not to know.

LividLaVidaLoca · 10/06/2022 17:33

Going to be That Poster so apologies in advance.

Currently on a ward recovering from surgery where my last and final Fallopian tube was removed after my second ectopic pregnancy.

I’d give everything I have rn to be worried if my healthy baby had a fanny or balls.

Arucanafeather · 10/06/2022 17:33

It sounds as though you’ve got a lot going on around your pregnancy. That’s bound to be impacting your emotions. I would be as kind to yourself as you can manage. Just notice your thoughts and don’t worry about having them.

Squiff70 · 10/06/2022 17:36

You will adore your baby regardless of their sex, I promise. I don't doubt you'll be a great mum to a girl OR a boy!

There was a similar thread to this on the pregnancy boards a few weeks ago and I read a brilliant quote: Don't judge a baby's personality or how they might grow up based on what's between their legs.

What really matters is the child's upbringing. Either sex needs love, happiness, warmth and stability. If you can provide those for a girl then you can provide them for a boy.

IF you're having a boy, you'll have the rest of your pregnancy to get your head round the ides of having a son, and once you picture this beautiful little boy of yours in your mind, you will fall in love - especially when you hold him!

Moosake · 10/06/2022 17:37

I'd not find out until the birth. Then when they are there in your arms you can fall in love.

7eleven · 10/06/2022 19:45

LividLaVidaLoca · 10/06/2022 17:33

Going to be That Poster so apologies in advance.

Currently on a ward recovering from surgery where my last and final Fallopian tube was removed after my second ectopic pregnancy.

I’d give everything I have rn to be worried if my healthy baby had a fanny or balls.

So sorry xx

OperaStation · 10/06/2022 19:47

It’s sex, not gender.

MolliciousIntent · 10/06/2022 19:49

OperaStation · 10/06/2022 19:47

It’s sex, not gender.

Beat me to it

OldManRivers · 10/06/2022 19:50

Whenever you are told what you are having I bet you fall in love with the idea - it's an individual person, regardless of the gender.

Babyroobs · 10/06/2022 19:55

The last two friends of mine who have had babies have been desperate for girls, and both got boys. I just don't understand the desperation for girls. All my boys are fantastic.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 10/06/2022 20:05

Yep, you're worried about the sex, not the gender.
It'll pass. You'll adjust to whichever you get and you'll wonder what on earth you were concerned about.

Bloatstoat · 10/06/2022 20:30

When I was pregnant with my eldest, I had always thought about having a girl if I had a baby. It wasn't so much that I wanted a girl, I'd just always thought that's what I'd have, I worried about how I would cope with a boy (silly but I just thought I'd understand a girl more and wouldn't know how to relate to a boy), I had a girl's name planned but couldn't settle on a boy. It was crazy, because really I was anxious about dealing with a baby regardless of sex, I had no clue how to be a mum regardless of the baby's sex.

Eldest DC was a boy. Like you I had a feeling before I found out. I almost had to mentally say goodbye to the girl I thought I was having at the time, I never told anyone that. I think for me it was all to do with being anxious about having a baby and I was hanging it all on the sex of the baby, when it wasn't really about that at all.

I

Bloatstoat · 10/06/2022 20:34

Posted too soon - what I'm trying to say a bit incoherently OP is I wonder if it's like that for you - it sounds like you've got a lot going on with potentially being a single parent, and pregnancy is worrying at the best if times. In my experience, I can tell you you absolutely will love the baby, boy or girl, when it's here - my younger DC are girls, so I know it's the same - but recognising it's ok to have a certain level of anxiety and talking to someone if it's getting too much is important. Wishing you all the best Flowers

PurBal · 10/06/2022 20:39

LividLaVidaLoca · 10/06/2022 17:33

Going to be That Poster so apologies in advance.

Currently on a ward recovering from surgery where my last and final Fallopian tube was removed after my second ectopic pregnancy.

I’d give everything I have rn to be worried if my healthy baby had a fanny or balls.

@LividLaVidaLoca sorry to hear this xx

@Seelal I don’t get the “girl” thing at all. I’d have been happy with either. Ended up with a boy (and I suppose that would have been my “preference”). I agree with PP that there is zero difference in the early years except for what’s between their legs.

Cheesepleeze · 10/06/2022 20:39

Personally I think that not having Dad around usually has much more impact on girls than it does on boys.

Cheesepleeze · 10/06/2022 20:41

Sorry, forgot to add that it’s not the end of the world either way, most kids are fine so long as they have one decent parent who loves them😅

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