How to help DS with his MH?

[ClinicallyProven]

He's 19yo and it's his first week on Serataline (sp?).

He's really struggled since the long and traumatic illness and subsequent death of his father and work has been going badly for him (unclear if this is because he was struggling or whether work has contributed to his struggling iyswim). He's currently signed off sick.

2 years ago he was a quiet young man with a huge interest in everything about how things work (job is engineering) and in history and politics. Maybe a bit unusual and something of a loner, but happy in his own company and interested/interesting. He did well at GCSE but was determined not to do Alevel and thrilled when he got this apprenticeship.

Now I can't get him to show any interest in anything. He's still in bed. He's not washing, brushing his teeth or eating. I've taken the day off to try and support him, but feel like my suggestions for things that might help (go for a walk, help in the garden, read a book, eat something good) are just coming across as nagging.

He's resisted counselling too. GP is hoping the tablets will make him more open to it. So far there doesn't seem any affect, positive or negative, from the meds, but it's not quite a week yet.

Any help?

The meds can take weeks to have a positive effect but they aren't going to suddenly make him happy. That's not how they work. The best description I can give is that they stop you getting worse. That allows you to get better, but you're going to have to work on it yourself.

Have a chat with him. I gave myself two weeks to wallow when I last went on sertraline, to allow for initial side effects. I asked DH to please give me a pass from everything - cooking, cleaning, going anywhere etc and I stayed in bed and was signed off sick from work for that fortnight. But I always washed and showered. He sorted the house, dogs etc. I made the odd sandwich. That's it.

Then I went back to work and battled on.

Counselling really helped.

Being jollied into nice walks, gardening etc would have made me angry. When you're so low you can't brush your teeth, happy and positive people are very very hard to deal with.

He's allowed to wallow, but maybe negotiate an end date for that period and negotiate that he has to have a shower every day?

Yes, it's the helping yourself part that I'm struggling with. Getting him signed off has given him "permission" to do nothing all day and if he understands that he needs to, he's not doing anything that might help him. At least when he was at work he was getting up and out every morning.

How long is he signed off for?

Definitely have slow discussions with him. If he's not ready to do things, he'll just resent you.

Treat him like he's a wee boy who is physically too sick to get out of bed for a few days at least. He is mentally too sick to do these things, so it ends up being the same thing. He will benefit from some old fashioned mothering in the short term.

Stick a plate of picky food in with him - something he can pick up and put down that he likes? Cut a sandwich into small pieces like he's a toddler. Chop up an apple. That sort of thing?

Cold drinks that are attractive to him which can be drunk now or in a few hours when he needs it.

He's more likely to eat things without pressure and if he only has a few mouthfuls, it's a start. Starving himself will only make him feel worse and with less energy.

2 weeks, but I think that will be extended