I feel invisible to everyone.

[Jay647]

Hey everyone, I just feel so invisible and lonely right now. I have a group of friends and we WhatsApp each other everyday, (we are in a group.) Sometimes I have really bad days and I don't message the group chat for a week or 2, no one seems to notice I'm gone. :( yet whenever someone else doesn't message for a day or 2, everyone's asking where they are and if they are okay.

I'm invisible at work, I'm invisible everywhere. I just don't feel loved. I feel like a burden.

Does this happen to anyone else?

i feel that way too. I’m ridiculously busy with working and kids. But I truly feel no one ever really listens to me and that they wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t here, apart from the practical stuff that wouldn’t be done.
If you find an answer, I’m listening!
its the same in my WhatsApp groups too.
sometimes I wonder if it’s me that’s being too sensitive

what are you doing to build your self esteem? Are you seeking support from a therapist or counsellor? Are you challenging the negative thoughts?
There is no truth that you are invisible but feeling that way means you’re more likely to look for confirmation it is true.

So sorry! ❤ Pleased I'm not alone. It's horrible isn't it. :( xx

I go to therapy but that doesn't seem to be working for me.

is it actually therapy? Or counselling? This is the kind of thing to talk to them about, and especially not feeling like it’s “working”. Each persons experience of therapy working is different because each person is looking for something else.
Perhaps it’s time to meet some new people and have some different boundaries with the current friends - if not hearing from them is impacting you this much then they have too much power. Take back some of the power and focus on what you need and where you can get it.

Same here. Totally invisible, people only remember I exist when they need something off me.

It's therapy but I feel like I'm getting nowhere with it. I had other friends but we grew apart, these friends I've known for about 2 years. I just feel like I'm not seen or heard by anyone.

I totally get what you mean, yes.

The only (hopefully!) helpful advice I can give is to try to reframe it so that 'being invisible' isn't the worst thing to be.

For example, I'd take a guess that people generally don't mention when you go off for a couple of weeks because that's more likely to be something you'd do than the others. If they're in everyday, silence for a couple of days might be odd, whereas people might just think you're busy with life and don't need that same level of checking up on?

Perhaps you come across as a bit more independent or something .

I can say that as someone with adhd, if I'm not on my meds pretty much everyone who isn't physically present (IRL / calling / messaging) is virtually invisible, with the exception of my kids. I just don't tend to think about them much if at all. But it really doesn't mean I like or love or care about them any less, and I HATE the fact that I might be making people feel like that, because it couldn't be further from the truth.

I've also read quite a lot about how the pandemic - while it hasn't actually given people adhd because it's something you're born with and always develops before 12 - has made "slightly adhd tendencies" more common in everyone generally. Pandemic brain I guess. Which is probably why a lot more people are feeling invisible. Hopefully you can take a wee bit comfort in the knowledge that despite that feeling, people still care

Yes, all the time. I don't feel anyone knows me or bothers to get to know me. DH is great but I have realised I don't tell him much anymore. I feel totally invisible- I am someone's mum to DC friends, and someone's wife to people who know DH and invisible to everyone else.Some recent examples:
I join in lots of things but feel no one even notices me. Today I went to this sewing group I go to- a community group where we are making a community quilt. The session is 3 hours long. Only 6 of us there today for various reasons. They all talked about themselves and their past and present health issues and experiences of hospital. Not one of them included me. I asked a question occasionally but had nothing to contribute really. At the end they were staying for lunch but no one said did I want to join them. I was cheerful and pleasant - I don't think any of them know anything about me. I have mentioned having 3 DC and one of them said today 'You don't have any children do you?'
Last week at the funeral of one of my oldest friends, when I was very upset, someone I know came over to say, without any pre-amble, 'David mentioned you have some original writing by xxxxx. Can I borrow it for my book? Could you leave it at the xxxx and I'll pick it up from there?'
I work part-time in an art gallery. My last shift, the artist whose exhibition is currently on, was there and I helped her with visitors, selling paintings, wrapping, payments etc. She ignored me completely. Never spoke to me once, even when there were only 2 of us in the gallery. I spoke to her and got one word or incredibly brief answers.
I have friends but, unless I contact them, could go weeks and weeks without them contacting me.
My aunt expects me to ring her every day- if I don't she rings and complains that I am making her feel like she is a nuisance because she has to contact me. On Saturday, she rang to say she was running out of food and 'desperately' needed some shopping. Her list was: a fresh cream sponge cake, gin, raspberries, carton of fresh cream. I took them round on my way to MIL's and she said irritably 'I thought you would have come tomorrow. I wanted to tell you about my problems with xxxx (her sister).' She saw or spoke to me 5 times last week and I took her to a hospital appointment and did shopping for her twice. She then rang me on Sunday to say 'If I was ill, would you be the one responsible for me?' I asked what she meant and she said 'Well, if I needed a Dr or looking after- would you do it?' I said I would ring a GP and visit her but that I could not take responsibility for looking after her and she was clearly annoyed and said 'That makes me feel like I am a nuisance.'
Meanwhile, I feel like I am sinking and no one notices or is interested.
DH is but I don't want him to think I am so miserable with my life.

Sometimes I think it’s like this because actually we are perceived to be strong enough to cope with anything, and we’re getting along more than fine!
I think I need to speak up and ask for what I need without taking any excuses, but easier said than done!

I've just read this and feel totally the same. I have a busy life and lots of people know me, but like others have said, if I don't reach out to friends, then I just wouldn't have any contact with them.

My dh can often come home and not ask me anything about my day. My dcs are dcs, so they definitely don't see me as anything other than a cook/taxi driver/ washer woman. It's shit and I feel like shit. Just needed to get that out there.

I used to feel like this. I had no friends & seemed to repel people I tried to befriend. What changed, and I am not recommending this, is that I had what I'd call a nervous breakdown. Was referred for psychotherapy on the NHS & prescribed antidepressants. Ultimately became a much happier person tho I lost my job. I'm not saying OP or any PPs are depressed (as I was), I just wanted to explain how my life changed. Sorry if this is little help but I understand how you feel and I know that life can change.

I dont think there is any magic solution to this problem but maybe you should try to stop considering it to be a problem. Allowing people you hardly even know to disappoint you is just ridiculous. If nobody bothers to speak to me I wouldn't let it bother me. Maybe you need to speak up more and put yourself forward a little more forcefully? Some people just seem to have more of a flame that attracts others. I dont know why and I dont know how but they just do. It doesn't even seem to be people who are particularly nice or entertaining either.

@SisterRuth ironically I already am on ADs! So no changing things there.

@Zerrin13 I'm sorry if I sound ridiculous to you. I guess I'll crawl back under my rock where I came from.

I apologise for using the word ridiculous. It wasn't meant to be flippant or unkind.
What I meant to say was you can't control how people are. You have to live for yourself and try not to let the behaviour of others hurt you. I appreciate this isn't easy.