Quit or Stay??

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I've been in the same administrative role for 13 years. It's for a medium sized company and I earn just under £33k per annum, for a woman who never went to university or gained many qualifications other than an NVQ in Business Administration I've done pretty well. However... over the last 2.5 years my mental health has declined enormously and I am very unhappy at work. This isn't something that is ever going to change and I've already spent 25% of my 30s feeling like absolute shit. The company is good to work for but the environment no longer suits my personality and the role in itself is becoming too demanding for me. It's not that I'm incompetent - I'm not. But I'm just not happy. The loud environment and constant spotlight is just too much. I hate it. I'm introverted and feeling more and more uncomfortable by the day. I also have to see someone there everyday who was once the closest friend I had but after a huge non-work related private fall out - totally unresolvable - we barely speak at all unless essential, at which point we are of course civil and professional but it's a depressing and upsetting thing to be reminded of all the time. I will never feel any better about it. I will never not feel hurt by it. So I have dipped my toe into the working world to see what's out there but apart from a couple of non suitable offers I've not had much luck. I'm going to amend my CV tonight so it's not as tailored to the field I'm in now. I also worry that (because I'm a senior member of staff but not classed as a manager as such) I'm on a 3 month notice period and that puts a lot of employers off. I'm not specifically looking for a further senior role, I'll be happy with something smaller and I'm happy to take a pay cut. If I'm happier. Would I be absolutely insane to just call it a day and hand my notice in for the sake of my mental health and hope I find something within that time? I have £15k in savings, with my situation that's around 18 months to live on if I do struggle to find employment elsewhere - although obviously I don't want to have to blow it all. I've never been out of work before and I've NEVER been one to take risks. But I am so unhappy, I feel dragged down and drained and just sick with anxiety and negativity ALL the time. I actually cried on the last day of my holiday last year because I didn't want to face it all and I'm regularly awake thinking at 4am. I have felt this way since the beginning of 2020 so it isn't going anywhere and I'm presuming the only answer is leaving my current position. I've got no kids and I'm single. What would be the most suitable way forward without being totally irresponsible? I really can't go on like this. Life shouldn't feel this shit surely?

PS - I don't want to sign off with stress, I want a new start.

Anyone?

I know you don’t want to get signed off but it sounds like you need to
Get some breathing space & allow yourself time for you without the worry of looking for a new job

I really don't see the point in doing that, I don't need to work on myself as such it's not like I want to take a breather and then go back. I want to cut ties and move to a different company completely. Sitting at home on the sick isn't going to solve anything.

It's a consideration to just resign and leave, but would the lack of anything to go and being alone at home cause you to feel worse?

I think if you are serious about leaving speak to your employer ask about other opportunities and if not suitable request they allow you an amendment to your contract to leave with one months notice. Explain you are serious about leaving for your mental health and don't want to go off sick.

Life’s too short even for the risk averse.
I am changing roles in a large organisation, I’m really comfortable where I am and could easily stay but I’m not.
im going to take the chance and go, if I don’t like it I’ll change again… trust yourself…. You can do this!!

God I wish I had your optimism. I'm thinking of the pure relief I'll feel telling them I'm fucking off out of it... followed by ending up on the dole, losing my home, selling my arse on Only Fans for a few weeks then killing myself 😭

I wouldnt leave without another job to go to but thats because I'd stress about getting a new job, ive moved into the civil service and it took 6 months from start to finish ....... is it possible to step down a role with your current employer whilst you find something else?

I think it depends on whether you'd be willing to take a lower paid job, or a job in a different industry/ area of work as a stopgap if necessary. If yes, then I'd hand notice in and start seriously job hunting during the 3 month notice period, but accept that if you don't find something ideal, and you don't want to use up all your savings, you may have to compromise. In short though, life's too short to stay somewhere that's making you so unhappy.l as the old cliche goes.

How about setting yourself a deadline of say 3 months and you'll hand your notice in then whatever happens. Meaning you'll be leaving there by Christmas whether you've found a new job in that time or not. Or deadline by end of July if that feels too long. So you know it's going to end, that could make you feel better in the interim.

I'd also plan to take a day off as regularly as you can rather than saving it for a week off, to give yourself a break.

I work in university administration and we're always hiring at your level so I suggest taking a look in this field. A couple of people left last year with nothing lined up and soon found something. And 3 month notice periods are standard for us (often takes HR that long to sort things our end anyway). Message me if you feel it would help to discuss.

Good luck, as PP said, life's too short to be as unhappy as you are and have been for ages now.

Other than cleaning (not looking down on cleaners AT ALL it's just that I am very squeamish) I would do anything if I had to, I have no problem with minimum wage jobs if it helps pay my bills. A job is a job.

Do you work full time? Could you ask to drop down to part time? This might help relieve some of the stress, and you could always look for other work whilst PT.

Yes I work full time

I lost my businesses in the pandemic i had to take a job for the government to pay my bills I loved it to start with then my
Mental health went down hill that I felt depressed unmotivated sad etc I signed myself off for a week went to the dr who said ptsd over what had happened to me over the last two years. I have been off sick for 4 months it was the best thing I ever did I got me back without the pressure of finding work I have walked ridden travelled spent time in nature with my dogs etc. if sick pay is there take it it’s there for a reason if you’re lucky enough to have it you can then work out what you really want to do the job market is so buoyant I have been offered every job I have gone for bit I’m restarting my business. Good luck

I do think life is too short if you're really miserable. I got to a point in a previous job where I'd sit in my car in the car park in the morning just psyching myself up to walk through the front door and it was at that point I knew I had to make a change. I didn't leave before I'd found another job, I couldn't have afforded to but I took a substantial pay cut. It was the best decision I ever made and I've been so much happier.