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Feel embarrassed/rejected about being ignored - how to stop the anxiety loop

7 replies

Lucia23 · 07/06/2022 22:01

I was friends with a colleague (male) for 3 years while working together. We became good friends during lockdown, he'd come out with me and my friends and we also had a mutual group.

We grew apart a bit when we started dating others but were still friendly and socialised. Our workplace became really toxic & we all became miserable - I left months ago and he was the last to leave recently.

Recently on LinkedIn, I saw that he'd liked a post about toxic workplaces. I messaged him a light hearted comment about it, in an I totally know what you mean kind of way and asked how he was doing now and how the new job was. That was over a week and a half ago and although he read it he totally blanked me.

A few days later a mutual friend invited me to a gathering he was going to & I was busy but honestly I think I'd have been embarrassed knowing he's ignoring me. Secondly, I rarely post on Instagram but I have noticed for the past week he is viewing everything I post but still not replying

I feel mortified that I said something wrong and keep chewing it over. It's weird because usually I don't overthink these things or care what people think but I've got myself into a funk about it!

OP posts:
Kite22 · 07/06/2022 23:30

Definitely overthinking.
I would assume he had glanced at the message when he couldn't really reply, then forgot that he hadn't replied.

Lucia23 · 08/06/2022 01:31

Kite22 · 07/06/2022 23:30

Definitely overthinking.
I would assume he had glanced at the message when he couldn't really reply, then forgot that he hadn't replied.

I think either it IS this or he was annoyed at my message for some reason. We hadn't caught up for a few months so I don't know much about his new job but I do know a mutual friend sort of got him the job - he can be quite proud so I imagine he might not want to admit that.

Or he is being touchy about me bringing up our previous toxic employer. Either way, if he doesn't reply but keeps watching everything I post...I know it sounds stupid but I've always felt this is intrusive/a cheap way of staying in touch when you can't be bothered.

Reacting the way I have has made me realise I need to take care of my own mental health. I've been on an even keel for a year or so but for some reason this has set me off.

OP posts:
ButFirstTea · 08/06/2022 02:05

I can't tell you the amount of times I've read a message on LinkedIn and thought "I'll reply to that tomorrow" and then forgotten about it for a month - it's so much easier to ignore on there than any other social media platform.

What would the worst case scenario be even if he was annoyed and ignoring you? Just that you wouldn't speak, or a confrontation, or something worse?

Dodoassociated · 08/06/2022 08:15

If he has his work email linked to his LinkedIn than perhaps he isn't responding so he doesn't get into trouble!

No idea on the anxiety loop question but do let me know as I am going through the same thing; it is so hard and you have my sympathies!

Georgeskitchen · 08/06/2022 10:14

Youre probably overthinking.
I always try and respond to messages fairly promptly but have totally forgotten for a few days sometimes and feel bad. But nobody has "unfriended" me because of this, as far as I know!!

Lucia23 · 13/06/2022 21:58

Thanks for the replies. I was actually coming down with a virus when I posted this which is why I felt so bad.

But @Georgeskitchen I don't think I was over reacting. A day or so ago when feeling better I thought 'can't believe X still hasn't replied' - and I noticed at the same time that he has unfollowed me. He requested to follow me in the first place and has obviously unintentionally unfollowed me since I sent the message.

It makes no sense. We didn't fall out and it has hurt my feelings. I now definitely don't feel comfortable at the prospect of spending time with our mutual friends as I seem to have offended him in some way.

OP posts:
Lucia23 · 13/06/2022 22:00

Intentionally unfollowed* sorry - usually I don't bother with stuff like this but it feels quite passive aggressive and a bit hostile.

OP posts:
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