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Original poster

Please tell me the upsides of having two kids!

27 replies

frostytimes · 06/06/2022 05:50

I am yearning for a third but we can't for all the right sensible reasons, financially, emotionally, time wise, and DH has had the snip. Kids are 4 and 2 and things are just getting easier.
I think what I really want is to re live my time with mine as babies 😢 anyone else felt like this before?

OP posts:
YingMei · 06/06/2022 06:12

I used to want 3 but it didn't happen for various reasons. My DC are now 7 and 9 and I'm am so glad I've just got the two of them.

  1. they're good friends and play together a lot.
  2. I get loads of sleep - a couple of years ago they started getting their own breakfast and I had no toddler to worry about!
  3. holidays are cheaper and easier - we can all go in one hotel room
  4. my eldest has become very much into competitive swimming and trains 5-6 hours a week. I don't know how my and DH would facilitate this with three- it's finely balanced and we just about manage to fit activities in for other DC too.
  5. financially we are okay. I genuinely am glad that 3 didn't happen for us - things feel just right now.
jevoudrais · 06/06/2022 06:15

I'm one of three and the youngest. It was shit, I hated it. I would never, ever, ever have three children. My older two siblings were fine as a duo.

ChiselandBits · 06/06/2022 07:01

every now and again they declare a truce and play together for 10 mins before declaring war again. That gives me ten mins to myself. Ummm..that's about it. I always think having 2 isn't double the work, its double plus a bit, because the dynamic between them is a whole extra thing all by itself. But in the end I suppose it depends on their personalities, age gap etc. Mine are one of each, only 2 years apart but almost zero in common in terms of likes and dislikes, Makes it v hard as a single parent to cater to their tastes.

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RampantIvy · 06/06/2022 07:21

Why isn't two enough? What does having three give you that two don't? Would you want a fourth/fifth/more?

wonderstuff · 06/06/2022 07:25

My two are 11&14, there are still days when they both want to give me a cuddle or hold my hand and having 2 arms I can comfort both without a fight. We have a 4 bed and 4th bedroom is now a lovely office for me. We couldn’t afford holidays abroad if there were 5 of us. If you have a 3rd it will only be a cute baby for the shortest time.

MyBrilliantFriend · 06/06/2022 07:47

Hold on. You’re just about to get to the really good bit of having 2 quite close together. Soon they will be getting more independent and you will get time to yourself, proper sleep etc.

Mine are 10 & 8 and I am so glad we stuck at 2. They are interested in lots of the same things so choosing days out etc is much easier than for friends who have a younger child to accommodate as well. We can afford to treat them & do lovely things because we’re not stuck in another round of crippling nursery fees. We can take 1 each & give them really good quality time. My career is taking off again because I have the time and capacity to nurture it. I feel less guilty environmentally.

Seriously, the good bit is just coming! If your DH had a vasectomy you must have felt pretty decided on 2…can you go back to the reasons why you decided that before?

Also, is your 4yo just about to start school? I felt massively broody both times that happened. It soon passed! Babies only grow up anyway: you need another child because you want another teenager one day, not just to have a baby.

DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 06/06/2022 08:00

My 2 (18 month age gap) are currently snuggled on the sofa playing Minecraft and hooting away to themselves. I am drinking coffee and poking on Mumsnet. Most of all, a 3rd child would completely change the dynamic and I know at least one of mine would not be happy with the possibility of always being left out. As a twosome, they are great.

We’re about to move to a bigger house, and have just come back from a week abroad, because we finished paying for nursery years ago and have far more disposable income. My children can pick and choose from activities because we can afford it and also manage to find the time to fit in two children’s activities - we just couldn’t do it with 3.

We can divide and conquer at bedtime - one of us does music practice and the other does reading/times tables.

BobbinHood · 06/06/2022 08:02

jevoudrais · 06/06/2022 06:15

I'm one of three and the youngest. It was shit, I hated it. I would never, ever, ever have three children. My older two siblings were fine as a duo.

I’m the middle one of three and feel the same. It’s a terrible dynamic, ime.

Twizbe · 06/06/2022 08:18

I have 2 and that is enough for me. I have a similar age gap and they are now 5 and 3.

They get on well and can play with each other and entertain each other.

Life is getting easier in terms of the physical care and they are sleeping through the night.

I have no desire to go back to newborn life at all.

Mindymomo · 06/06/2022 08:25

I was the youngest of 3 with 2 brother, but because I was the first girl, I got spoilt. I have 2 sons, they used to play lovely, now they are adult, they fell out big time last year, now don’t speak to each other. I would have liked a daughter, as I now live with 3 adult men and a male dog.

Swayingpalmtrees · 06/06/2022 08:27

I felt the same as you!
I stuck with two and boy am I glad we did now they are teens!

Two works well because no one is left out
You have a hand for each when they are small
Time to enjoy time with both of them
Easy options for holidays, car, travel etc - dinners out all usually come with four
I have been able to stay fit and healthy as I am not overly stretched
Provide a better life for them as you will have more money
The will will be divided between two not three, so a better inheritance
Time to do homework with each, revision etc
Once teens the expense goes through the roof, as will the rows, and you will be glad you did not add another teen into the mix
Looking after two is much easier than three if you get divorced/widowed
One is always always left out in a three, and that continues into adulthood in my experience, and you can easily end up with a black sheep unwittingly
Stop whilst you have healthy dc, there are no guarantees re the next child and it could be twins!

HeritageVegetable · 06/06/2022 08:28

One hand for each child. One parent for each child. Holidays, cars, trips out all much cheaper.

Much easier to find things which are age-appropriate for both of them.

Aria2015 · 06/06/2022 08:32

The part you're yearning for (the baby stage) goes in the blink of an eye and then you're where you are now anyway, but with a 2 year old, 4 yo and 6 yo!

Kanaloa · 06/06/2022 08:35

I have four so from the opposite side -

More time for each child. It’s tricky with the four as when they have conflicting activities DH and I are spread thin. With two you and DH can split their activities neatly if necessary.

Two might get along and play together nicely.

With two you have a lovely balance for days out - you have only two so can manage easily but they have each other for company rather than being alone.

More money! You can spend twice the amount on them as you could if you had four.

MagicTurtle · 06/06/2022 08:36

I have three, I love them all so much but it would have been a lot more sensible to stop at two. They're all really sporty, which is great but it means that after school and weekends are a constant juggle trying to get all three of them to training and matches and begging for lift favours from team mates!

Tayegete · 06/06/2022 08:38

I think it’s normal to have occasional yearnings for a third. Once you start paying adult prices for meals, flights etc you will be glad you stopped at 2!

Gunpowder · 06/06/2022 08:42

If you had a third you might end up with twins and then you will have four under five. This happened to me. I adore having four and I wouldn’t change things now but the first year was horrific.

Favouritefruits · 06/06/2022 08:52

Trips to theme parks would be a nightmare with three and one would have to sit alone as you and your DH sat with the younger two. Three is definitely a crowed!

Myleakycauldron · 06/06/2022 09:03

I think the same but as I am getting older I have started to think 'what if' we had a third child with additional needs and how would we cope that (bearing in mind I am often physically and emotionally drained by two 'easy' children). Not a very positive way of looking it, sorry!

steppemum · 06/06/2022 09:06

I have 3. I am also one of 3 as is dh.

While I always wanted 3 and didn't feel like the family was finished until we had 3, to be honest, 3 is quite a lot harder than 2.

I am not sure why, I think it is just that when any one of mine is missing the other 2 get along better.
I remember growing up too, that my brothers were a team and I was on the outside. My friend who had one brother had a much nicer relationship with him than I had with mine, I was always jealous.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/06/2022 09:21

If you have a 3rd they won't be a baby for long! So l get it but the fact he has had the snip should remind you that feelings change.
My friend has got 2 really close together then a 3rd a bit younger and he is like an only child - she has never said she regrets having him but l know if she had her time again she would have stuck with 2.

jevoudrais · 06/06/2022 09:59

Mindymomo · 06/06/2022 08:25

I was the youngest of 3 with 2 brother, but because I was the first girl, I got spoilt. I have 2 sons, they used to play lovely, now they are adult, they fell out big time last year, now don’t speak to each other. I would have liked a daughter, as I now live with 3 adult men and a male dog.

See this was me and I wasn't spoilt. I was forgotten about because mum and dad were exhausted and I largely had to look after myself. And that backfired terribly.

TaraRhu · 06/06/2022 10:21

Gosh. I could have posted this. I'm so broody. I have a 1 and 3 year old. I would love a third. But my husband is not on board and it would really be a heart over head decision and I think head would win.
Here is my reasoning:

  1. It would be another 3 years of nursery fees which for us means no holidays living hand to mouth basically
  1. We just bought a car which would not fit 3 kids and still have 3 years to pay it off
  1. I had a tough pregnancy last time with constant unrelenting nausea for 4 months. Tough with one child never mind two
  1. I have a small prolapse and don't think really want to risk another pregnancy
  1. I'm old. Left it quite late and I'd be 40 with a baby. I have two happy healthy kids and should be grateful for that.
  1. The cost would be huge. Extra everything.
  1. I can focus on my career again sooner. It's taken a hit over the last 4 years

Writing this is all very good but i part of me does still wish we'd have a happy accident

SunflowerGardens · 06/06/2022 10:52

I'd quite like a third too but people have told me adding a third is quite a lot harder than adding a second.

Plus, and this is going to sound awful, but if I ever have to leave DH or he leaves me I need to be able to cope with the kids and I'm not sure I could cope with 3.

Original poster
frostytimes · 06/06/2022 22:18

Thank you so much for all the replies.
I am keeping this thread forever and re reading it whenever I need reassuring.

I really do know in my heart as well as my head that I don't want any more, for all the very valid reasons above. As well as the fact my husband it totally against it.

I think I would be less of a mother if I had a third. I already feel stretched too thin!

Also I am one of five and as much as I love all my siblings and as adults we get on so well, growing up was definitely hard.

I also like the point that someone made about, what would I get from another baby that I haven't already got from mine and the answer would be a tiny squishy newborn and a whole new person, but really that's just for me. I have already experienced those things and loved them and now as other have said I am finally getting a bit of myself back and enjoying things!

OP posts: