All my life I've been one of those strong "just get on with it" types, but I've come to realise that actually, it's nothing to do with resliance, I've never faced much adversity.
DH died almost a year ago. We had a horrible time leading up to his death during Covid. He was in hospital for months and we couldn't see him, then he moved to a hospice and we could visit a bit. By that time he was a completely different person to the man we'd waved off in the ambulance months before, it was really distressing to see the change in him.
Then he came home, essentially to die. He was completely bedbound and we (me and two sons) had to attend to all his personal care. I couldn't move him on my own, so the boys had to help a lot - we did have carers in, but nothing after 6pm.
I've done "well" since he died. TBH the early weeks felt like a relief. He was freed from his pain and me from the limbo and life of drudgery I'd been living. Then as we started getting back to "normal" it got really hard. When he died, it was the man in the bed who died, later it was the husband and father who was missing. It all came for a head for me in the run up to Christmas and I had quite a few weeks off work. I used them to get on top of some of the admin and for some self care and since then I've felt largely "OK".
However, DS2, who was just turned 18 when his dad died, is really struggling. Unfortunately I probably noticed a bit late just how bad things were for him and I've recently found out he hasn't been going to work and is a long way behind on college work (he's doing an apprenticeship for what was absolutely his dream job when he started). He's tried hard not to worry me, so hasn't shared that he's been struggling 😪
I went with him to GP this week. He's been signed off and has some medication, on a waiting list for counselling (which he's refused/ said he didn't need up to now).
Work have tried to support him, but he hasn't been/isn'to in a place to accept the support and it looks like the apprenticeship will end in his 3rd year with no qualifications to show for it. Which whilst a worry is the least of my concerns atm, we need to get him well. He's not eating, sleeping or looking after his personal hygiene.
Anyway, this is a very long winded way of saying I'm not coping. I was only just hanging in there and not really performing the top of my game at work myself and now I find I just can't focus at all. I hate leaving DS to go to work, but also recognise he doesn't want me fussing over him all day
Can anyone help me see more clearly what I need to "do" for both of us? This is so hard, a struggling son is exactly the kind of problem I'd have worked through with DH...