Which would you choose

[FairyLightPups]

Last year, DW and I moved three hours north from the city we both grew up in (renting). We planned to move next year (buying) close to family who have also moved out of the city. However we've fallen in love with where we are and we're not sure what to do.

Location A

• a lot more rugged nature and mountains
• able to buy a detached, very rural house in budget (important with dogs)
• we know people here and have attempted to create a life around covid
• ages away from family
• even further away from cities
• not a lot of structured activities and opportunities (dance/drama/sport etc) for children (we plan to TTC after we've settled in wherever we move)
• amenities nowhere near as good

Location B

• much much closer to family (20 min drive tops)
• loads to do for kids
• already have some connections other than family
• very near all but two major cities (within 1hr drive)
• detached rural houses not in budget/not coming up
• there is nature but it's not the same as what we're looking for/have right now

Help! Feeling very stressed as we're hoping to crack on with buying from September.

What's most important to you?
Does either location have a bearing on work?
What sort of property could you afford in location B?

I would choose the first but be prepared to drive your children around a lot. A price I considered worth paying to live rurally but the teen years have been one long taxi run.

I don't know. All the things are important and I can't really decide what overrides all.

DW and I both work remotely and will forever (and did pre-pandemic) although I sometimes travel into the big cities for work (once every couple of months). But at the moment the train isn't a faff.

In location B we could buy a semi-detached in a nice village. We have seen one detached more rural house pop up but it was gone quickly and apparently they are very very very rare.

Oh goodness that's a good point!

I’d choose B but part of that decision is based on career opportunities which you haven’t mentioned. I’m assuming location B would be better for that

I also would not underestimate how much easier life with DC is if you are close to services and family

Better in the sense that it'd save travel time when I rarely travel for work but I'm also aware that there are better career opportunities for future DC near bigger cities and that's a bit of a pull.

The family thing does feel important for this reason. We're really close to DW's family.

Family trumps everything else for me but that’s just because for a few years we couldn’t afford t visit my family while we lived only ten minutes from his and it really got to me. It also depends on whether you all are more rural lovers or town. I need the noise of cars outside at nighttime, others need silence. I also love that you can walk anywhere whereas rurally you need a car

Maybe option A whilst TTC and children little with a view/open to moving when kids are approaching teens? However if trains aren’t a faff and there’s decent public transport then A could be great with teens anyway. Teens need taxiing even when not so rural as they’ll prefer door to door when weather hideous and you’ll be worried about public transport in evenings.
Children don’t necessarily need lots of structured activities either - it’s too easy to buy into that!

I was a teen in a tiny village, so in the long term B would win for me hands down. I feel that access to public transport, things to do, and job opportunities are so important at that age. But I know others would go the other way and aspire to live rurally. My parents, for a start.

I know it's unhelpful but it really does just come down to your own judgment and priorities. None of our opinions and preferences are relevant to what is best for you and your family.

B

I’d choose B - it sounds like it would be better for day to day living. Nature is nice but you can drive out there to visit it without making the rest of your life more inconvenient.

Thanks everyone. Goodness it's such a head and heart situation. I've asked many friends who grew up as rural as location A and they all said they were isolated with little opportunity. Which makes it a bit of a deal breaker!

I would go for location B. personally I found having family & amenities nearby invaluable with dc.

But I don't like driving that much & have never dreamt of a detached house in a rural setting.

I'd agree with this. I lived rurally when the kids were young & due to very limited public transport, social, education & employment opportunities made the decision to move before high school so that they could have access to those things.

So from experience I'd choose B.

I don’t live near family but we visit often and stay with my parents, sometimes for weeks at a time (especially in the years before DD started school). Working remotely gives you the freedom to do this.

In terms of support, are you building up good relationships with your neighbours (assuming you’re in a hamlet/village)?

In terms of activities for young kids, does your rural location have things like Beavers/Brownies/Scouts etc.? That and swimming, which you’ll want to make an effort with wherever you are, is probably enough for young children.

You could always move before the teenage years.

I'd choose B as it will be much more interesting for children

I'd go for B during the child raising years, then A when the children can drive or have moved out!