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I want to live elsewhere but husband never wants to move

9 replies

RedorangeyellowBLACK · 03/06/2022 10:42

I have lived in the same village for most of my 49 years.
Dh and I moved into our current (and first house together) 24 years ago.
I love our house, although it was a small semi-detached property, dh extended it and now it’s a great sized family home. It has a lovely established garden and I truly love everything about it. It’s the only house our dc have ever know and I have even more sentiment about it as it was my grandparents home before we purchased it from them. All our beloved pets are laid to rest in the garden too. So I do really adore it.
BUT, (and for me this is a big but that I can’t see can be resolved), the village has changed so much since I was a child. It has had very extensive building over the last few years with 2 new estates and is now double the size and is very busy, it was a quite rural village but no longer (obviously progression and nothing I can do about that).
The main road running through the village runs alongside our house and with the huge amount of house builds in surrounding villages and towns and subsequent extra people moving into the area, this road is now extremely busy, almost 24/7, starts around 4am with empty, noisy lorries rattling past the house and doesn’t easy off until late night. I will often go around the corner to my parents if I need quite time, their garden is thankfully, still peaceful.
The field across the road from us (which was my lovely view of nature each day) was sold a few months ago and now has 12 huge 5 bed houses being built on by, what appears to be the most noisiest and inconsiderate builders in history.
I’m feeling quite down hearted about it all but had a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel as dh has always agreed when our dc can both drive (youngest will be driving in 3 years) we will move.
However, he has now changed his mind. He says he has never really wanted to move, he’s put too much effort into our home and houses in our area are now just too expensive and we will never be able to afford a property with similar features and size as our extended home.
Tbh, I am gutted.
I am nearly 50 and I am craving peace in my older age, I don’t want to live next to a busy main road anymore (God only knows how much busier it will be in 10 years), I don’t want to live in a village that is no longer the quite and peaceful place I knew as a child.
I also do not want to live in the same place all of my life, I want to experience living in other areas and other homes.
I don’t know how to persuade him. He’s adamant, he doesn’t want to give up this property.
How can I change his mind?

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 03/06/2022 10:45

When the time comes can you just open him up to the idea of looking around any that look nice?
Maybe for now just talk gently about ‘if’ you move so it isn’t completely closed off. I’d be making sure your house is ready to sell and then just start looking in a vague way.

KangarooKenny · 03/06/2022 10:49

You can’t. Perhaps you need to think about what you want more, the marriage, or to live elsewhere.

RedorangeyellowBLACK · 03/06/2022 10:51

SheWoreYellow yes, I think I’ll have to try something like that. I’ll start planting the seed now and just hope by the time dd has left school we can negotiate something but he is rather stubborn when he wants to be!

OP posts:
Needanotherholidayasap · 03/06/2022 10:58

Is there room next to your dpets for him?
Then you can move.
Maybe point of the financial gain of moving. Utilities will he a lot less with a small home with 2 people in it.

sleepymum50 · 03/06/2022 11:07

Perhaps you need to be a constant moaning Minnie! Just go on and on
ad nauseum about the traffic noise, the builders noise, and everything else!

Perhaps by the time three years is up, he’ll do anything to shut you up.

I feel for you. Prepandemic my husband decided he wanted to move from our “forever”home. I resisted at first, but he convinced me and we planned to move closer to my married daughter. She was really happy with the idea. Then lockdown happened and by the time we would have been able to move - he changed his mind. Nothing will make him change it back.

I’m ending the marriage. Not solely because of this, but it was the last straw. I realised the other day that not once had he expressed any regret about the way he’s treated us. It was “oh god, I so wish I hadn’t said anything” never I’m sorry to do this to you.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/06/2022 11:13

In 3 years time,he might feel differently as the road gets even busier. Then you could try and get him to see some properties,it might change his mind OR it might make you realise you actually want to stay put.

One thing I will mention and this is in no way meant to be patronising but your age is prime time for the restless feeling you are describing. I remember it well! See how you feel when the kids have all left,the peace you crave might come from having a quiet house again once they're all gone.

Fuckoffeverything · 03/06/2022 11:48

I was in this position. I had the carrot of a lovely countryside house dangled in front of me for 15yrs. At that point I realised he would never budge and I had to make my peace with it & count my blessings. But we're divorced now & when I retire in a few years, I'm moving out.

SausagePourHomme · 03/06/2022 12:10

Maybe start by getting your house valued. It might be a nice surprise for your dh how much the house has increased in value and you can get something really nice somewhere else with that money if you're prepared to downsize a bit

Regularmumnetter · 03/06/2022 12:40

In all honesty if I’d lived in a house for 24 years that used to be a relatives with so many memories I wouldn’t want to move either.

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