How to make friends?

[december2020]

I have no friends in my area.

Partially it's because I've lived abroad a lot so all my close friends either live abroad, have moved away or live too far to meet weekly/monthly (10h drive).

But partially it's also on me. Before DS I was always working 1-2 hours overtime, coupled with a 1.5h commute each way that I didn't make time to see friends after work knowing it'd be so late by the time I got home. By the weekend I was so exhausted and a bit blue that I didn't get very much done at all.

I've got a better balance now, especially with hybrid working, but also have 18m old DS and work full time. DS is supportive and helps but has a rota work schedule so his work days change weekly. It makes joining a weekend class just for me tricky as on weekends that he has to work, I would need to be with DS.

Any tips on making new friends? All the toddler groups seem to run during working hours and he's a little too young still to meet any mums through his friends at nursery.

Does this get better? Or am I doomed to be friendless?

I don't think you're doomed but it is hard at that stage and especially with a variable work pattern - I guess it depends what do you want (ideally) from a friendship at this point in your life, just some nice adult conversation and social contact once in a while, or a big group to do activities or go on nights out with or one or two close friends to see regularly? If the former I wouldn't worry about not being able to commit to something every weekend or weeknight, find something that you can drop in or out of, maybe a volunteering opportunity that you can sign up for shifts when you are available, or a drop-in toddler group or hobby class that's pay as you go, or some gyms have creches so you could do a class even when you have your DS, or something like ParkRun or a mum's walking group where you can bring your DS along if he'll consent to being pushed in a buggy? You probably won't make deep and meaningful friendships at these kinds of things esp if you aren't attending every week but you can usually find friendly people to have a nice chat with, and if you are brave you can always invite them to go on for coffee or lunch after the activity? Or, and this is a bit drastic, get a dog! People always stop and chat particularly if it's a cute, friendly one and you can do puppy classes to socialise both you and the dog!

If it's more of a regular group you are after it might be a bit harder, however online has made things easier, sites like MeetUp are a bit like dating but for friendships and are good for linking you with others in a similar situation, there are groups themed around particular activities, things like craft or outdoor activities/sports are always good for getting to meet like minded people, or there are more general meet ups (e.g. chatty 30something women, 50+ men talk sports, gamers unite, that sort of thing) which I always found a bit more hit and miss personally but did meet some nice people through, and because you knew everyone was in a similar boat of being a bit lonely and wanting to make friends it wasn't so awkward saying to someone you 'clicked' with, 'do you want to meet up 'off group'' compared to at an exercise class or at the school gates or whatever where I always imagined the really nice friendly chatty people probably had loads of friends already!