The first half of this year has been fucking horRENDous. Tell me it gets better 🙏

[DemiAnnusHoribilis]

I'm very much a coper. Always dismiss my own issues due to the knowledge that other people have it so much worse. My kids are healthy and happy, we have a roof over our heads. Chin up, tits out and soldier on etc etc.

That said, my 2022 has thus far comprised (in chronological order):

• Covid (no biggie, was quite unwell but nothing to write home about on it's own)

• Serious work burnout + awful anxiety (went on medication end of last year, didn't work, almost got signed off work a few months ago but carried on regardless instead).

• Finding out that my dad had a decade long affair with my AUNTIE. This has completely fucked my retrospective perception of my family life as a child/teen and irreparably damaged how I view my dad whilst also explaining my historically dreadful relationship with my mum (she was so damaged by what happened that she wasn't a great mum during those years)

• A termination

• Severe food poisoning (requiring hospitalisation)

• My closest friend's suicide

Not sure why I'm posting. Have had a couple of glasses of wine and am just feeling very very ponderous. Is this just life as we get older? (Am 42).

I miss my friend so very much 😥

I hit a wall of horribleness in my 40's no doubt and other friends have also been through the mill, I think it's called life.

Nevertheless that is a lot of stuff, have an unmumsnetty hug x

I'm sorry to hear you've had such an awful start to the year. It really does sound horrible :).

Have you thought about getting some specialist bereavement counselling? Cruise are supposed to be really good at this. I wish there was something I could do for you. Do you have much support around you? A partner, or other family?

That’s horrendous. Fair play to you for putting one foot in front of the other. Be kind to yourself, you’ll get past it all. Find some RL support if you can.

Thank you for replying 💐

Denholm thank you - I'm all too aware of my local suicide bereavement services (I work in mental health) but have talked myself out of contacting them so far. I can now see that I am fixating quite intensely on the circumstances of my friend's death (the manner and method, what she would've felt and been aware of etc) and realise how unhealthy this is and that I do need to speak to someone about it so will call them next week. Am having regular disrupted sleep/nightmares and have been bursting into tears at work.

im so sorry to hear all you have been through. I cannot imagine how traumatic that is. I’m 43 and it does seem a time when a lot of shit get really serious around life and mortality and big decisions. X