Do you know anyone more stubborn than my mother in law?

[EddieSpaghettiHoops]

...I'd say that you definitely don't!

One cup of coffee, one cup of tea and two glasses of water per day, no more, no less. Doesn't like things/places despite never trying/going before. It goes on.

Anyway, DH (her son) is going to be on television in a few weeks (doing something and speaking, not just in the background) and when I told her she said she will miss it as she never switches on the TV during the day and doesn't like that programme 🤯

Me: But surely...? Oh, never mind 🙄

My mum has chronic circulation issues with her legs, due to being a life-long smoker - they swell up and she gets weeping ulcers that take weeks or months to heal. Her GP has told her things would be better if she stopped smoking - she refused point-blank (and bit off my head when I made the same suggestion).

A couple of years ago, she was in hospital for 7 weeks, during which she was bedbound and couldn't smoke - so basically had to go through withdrawal. Hurrah, we thought - that's the hard work of quitting done - she can be a non-smoker now. Oh how wrong we were. Just prior to her going into hospital, she'd stocked up on plenty of extra cigarettes (because dsis who takes her shopping was going to be away), and once out of hospital, she took up smoking again because she didn't want to WASTE these cigarettes!

More recently, I suggested she try one of these circulation boosters, that improve your circulation by sending electrical impulses to the muscles of your legs - I thought that, even if they don't cure the problem, they might make it better, and surely that would be a good thing? Ohhh foolish woman that I am - she won't even consider trying them because she doesn't want anything electrical on her. I had previously suggested a TENS machine for her chronic, severe back pain - same answer. I should have known better.

So - stubborn enough not to do anything that might mean her legs weren't ulcerated and weeping.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius aaaahhhh this sounds so frustrating, didn't want to waste the cigarettes 😑 😫

MIL has bad knees and a bad shoulder but will never ever ever ever accept help for anything and cripples herself further by doing loads of gardening, then complains she is in agony.

My child is similar. Not with ‘one of this two of that’, but if she decides she’s not going to do something, she won’t, regardless of personal consequences.

I’m trying to get her to get her own breakfast. She just lies in bed all morning crying that she is starving, rather than pour herself a bowl of cereal, FFS! (She will happily eat the cereal if I get it for her. She is 12 and will do it herself if I am not there). It’s absurd.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius, that sounds so, so very like my MIL. She also went into hospital, had to go through withdrawal, and then took it up again. More recently, she had her hip replaced and was told to take things very gently, not to try to sit on anything lower than a certain height, not to lift things, etc. etc. She constantly did the exact opposite, crowing 'see, I can do it, the doctors are wrong that I can't!' We kept pointing out they were saying she shouldn't do it, not that she couldn't ... it was like talking to a brick wall. Our DD was a baby then and she kept lifting her, then nearly dropping her because she couldn't cope with the weight. She nearly dropped DD head-first onto concrete and still wouldn't admit it was a bad idea.

Fast forward a couple of years and she's ruined her back (she is permanently bent over), her hip needs replacing again, and she has a massive hernia. She was due for treatment but couldn't have it because her circulation was too bad with the smoking so her leg had ulcerated. She's finally due to have it in a few days and this time I really, really, really hope she bloody listens and isn't so stubborn!

That sad thing is that she is barely over 60, yet you'd think she was well into her 80s because she just refuses to look after herself.

So shocking to read about all these stubborn women

Stubborn or set in their ways?

Nowadays I hate anything spontaneous or any drama.

I like a routine and hate surprises.

There's being fond of routine and then there's refusing to even enter a restaurant at 12.30pm because "I eat lunch at 1pm"- completely ignoring the fact that once you've sat down and ordered it will be 1pm before the food turns up.

Not just women my Dad can be a donkey over the stupidest most pointless things.
I put it down to age but he will die on random hills that make no sense.
His head burns in the sun, frequently in summer. When it's burnt I won't cut his hair, he hates not having it done weekly. Feels scruffy.
Absolutely refuses any lady suncreams because they stink of lady. Won't wear a hat because it makes him look old. Goes racing all day but won't stand in shade, again that's for old men. Sits outside at the pub despite being a non smoker because the old men sit indoors.
Has glaucoma too which hates the sun but won't wear dark glasses, you guessed it they're for old men.
He also has super strict day time telly rules.

Not diagnosing but that reminds me of a few PDA kids I know.

Oh, my mother was like this.
The weirdest thing that she did was that she went to bed at 11pm, EVERY evening, without fail.
Nothing wrong with a regular bedtime.
BUT. Even if she was watching something on tv, say a film, that started at 9pm and finished at 11.15 or 11.30, she'd miss the end 'because it was bedtime.'

Also, like a PP, she wouldn't go to 'things' "because l might not like it."
Then complained that she never went anywhere, or never saw anyone.
She'd say she wanted to go to an outlet centre. I eventually got to the point of refusing to take her, because l knew what'd happen.
My cousin took her twice. And it was exactly as l knew it'd be.
"Well, there was nothing there for me...." and she'd complained and moaned the entire time. Then wondered why people were reluctant to take her.

I really fear that there will be a couple of generations of men who get skin cancer. My late SIL died from it on her head from years of outdoor sports and no hats. It was horrific. And she had a thick head of curly hair. The ‘old’ men have sense and wear hats. It’ll be the current 25-65 year olds who are most at risk. So sad when so preventable.

There's a lot of undiagnosed autism in older people, imo.

Life used to be far more routine for everyone, the kinds of flexibility we have now simply wasn't possible.
There was less sensory stimulation.
Many many people will have flown under the radar, coping well with a quiet, routine based lifestyle.

I think the relative chaos of modern life accounts for much of the apparent increase in autism. Less structure, more sensory noise- more distressed DC.

My dad is incredibly stubborn over the silliest things.

My brother has written a critically acclaimed best- selling book, he refuses to read it. Every time someone asks him is he proud he quietly fumes 🤣

He's a very kind man in many ways but has a strange value system.

He will be a prime candidate @Joeblack066 he wears long sleeves because he burns and won't wear shorts but his fat head is invincible! I see it close up because I shave it and you can see decades of scars from Sun damage.
He's almost 80 so not fooling anyone and all his pals now wear hats. He used to wear a bump cap for work and it didn't bother him in the slightest, because of that he now regularly bangs his head and often has grazes etc just to kick off and lurking melanomas.
He messes with his medication too. If the eye drops say twice a day he will do it once, halves his BP medication and will only take one paracetamol etc. He's no reason for this he just insists if he can manage on one it's better.
I've had to stop biting it's the most frustrating, futile job. Like a giant toddler with his own money.

So tough for you

That was my immediate thought when l read about your mil
. So maybe thinking she is not doing this deliberately to be stubborn might change the whole picture.

So many things resonate here!!

My dad has a non healing wound but only takes half of his prescribed antibiotics. So the infection isn't clearing and he's probably got a resistant infection by now as its been months.

But, my parents have got a cupboard of random antibiotics to take if they are feeling ill. I truly despair at that because I'm a microbiologist and have explained about resistant organisms many times!

🤣

`My Aunt was extremely regimented. She would come to my mum's every single Wednesday. When mum was in hospital and I was staying with mum to look after her, she still came round. I guess she was lonely. If for some reason mum was going somewhere on a Wednesday or (when she was in Hospital) I was going somewhere it got really difficult that that Wednesday was out.

Also if I was going out with my Aunt, I would have to wait until she had fed the wild birds and visiting cats, then she would take ages upstairs (you could hear drawers being opened and shut).

Eating out was a complete drama as she was fussy with food (only outdoors!). Would make a drama about stuff must be wholefood, low fat, not sweet even though her cupboards were groaning with (you've guessed it!), chocolate cakes, non healthy biscuits, fatty sausage rolls, etc etc and cream cakes which should be stored in the fridge but because of all the other crap was in her pantry!

I used to catch her cramming slices of cake into her mouth, guiltily. I don't care what anyone eats but she was such a hypocrite. Always going on at what I eat. She would say my brother cooked in too much fat, and would bring her own food for Christmas day, but would expect the pudding and cream!

@EddieSpaghettiHoops it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. But school see no issues, therefore there will be no diagnosis until she blows up there. Pity, but there you have it.

I used to see this sort of thing a lot on my job (which involved a lot nosying into peoples lives). There’s an awful lot of odd people out there, getting by in their own way with their little oddities. I think it’s only revealed once they become dependent and it irks caregivers. I have plenty of little foibles of my own, which I manage just fine, being an independent adult and no one even notices.

When I need care, it’s going to be a problem that I loathe all fruit, never take showers (unless on pain of bankruptcy) and can’t understand how no one else can make coffee I like.

When my dad left school he got an interview for the bank. He was an orphan living with his older sister but someone had managed to swing this great opportunity for him

He was very proud that instead of doing the tests provided he covered the sheet with pictures of cowboys. He’s a secret socialist I guess but even at 12 I was horrified that he’d do something so stupid with an amazing opportunity

he doesn’t do the lottery as he wouldn’t like to win that much money, he did it once though as I was moving house as he thought it would help me 🤣

For those with relatives who are heavy smokers, can I just recommend Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking". I smoked 50 a day for 45 years and was able to give up easily.

However , it is really horrible when other people try to tell us to give up; doesn't work at all.

There's a lot of undiagnosed autism in older people, imo.

I agree.

I don’t like people blaming everything on additional needs but this is more than just stubbornness and set in her ways.

It’s so sad that she’ll miss her own son on TV.

Is there any way to record it so she can watch it at a time when she does have the TV on?
Or can she only watch certain programmes?

My late FIL( almost certainly autistic), almost as regimented as the OP's MIL.
3 cups of tea a day, at set times. When told to drink more water, as his kidneys were suffering, he added a small glass of water to his routine that he would sip slowly all day to prove he was 'drinking more water'.

Refused any kind of medication unless absolutely forced. Would complain endlessly about pain but never entertained the idea of paracetamol.

In his last year he suffered with a cough, but 'because Covid' refused to seek help from the docs or even take OTC remedies. Just sat there slowly dying of a cough. Poor MIL was desperate for him to see someone, but he was the driver and if he refused she couldn't get him anywhere.

In the end he had a crisis and MIL called an ambulance. He was finally diagnosed with mesothelioma (from asbestos exposure we didn't know he'd had). He did suffer 4 rounds of chemo but then refused any more.

He died 7.5 months after diagnosis. Miserable, (almost)unmedicated, stubborn to the very end. 😢

So much unnecessary suffering 😔
I'm sorry, I was expecting some more lighthearted examples