Experiences of night nannies/ hired help for newborn

[Cinnabomb]

Please does anyone have any advice/ experience of hiring somebody to help with a newborn?

I have a complicated set of circumstances which means I won’t have any help around whatsoever (no DH, no family, no friends I can ask) so would like to investigate ‘hiring’ an extra pair of hands to help me, maybe for 4-6 weeks. I also have 2 yo DD and am likely to have a high risk birth and was very unwell last time, so won’t be in physically best shape to manage without help.

I know these services are expensive, which isn’t necessarily a barrier, I just have no idea what to expect from them and would be grateful if anyone has any insight.

please be kind and don’t just tell me to just get on with it/ just cope, very very few people have absolutely nobody, and very few people also had the complicated birth problems I have and am at risk of having again. Thanks

I have done night nannying, I found jobs through an agency specifically for night nannies! I worked 9pm until 7am when I handed baby back to mum! I slept in a bedroom with the baby, fed/changed nappies/sterlised bottles etc, all the things newborn babies require throughout the night, dealing with any older kids wasn't my responsibility though! I was allowed to sleep when the baby was asleep, but didn't really manage it, maybe dozed off here and there! You can probably find someone through an agency (charge expensive fees though) or on childcare.co.uk

One thing to think about before you start looking is exactly what help would be the most useful to you.

I remember when ds was born Dh took 6 weeks off. He didn’t help at all with ds in the night (slept in a different room) but what he did do was completely look after Dd (who was just 3). Which meant that I could fit around ds’s sleep without worrying about Dd. Strangely - as a second time mum - I found looking after one newborn an absolute cinch (and wondered why I had found it so hard with Dd!) - it was only after Dh went back to work and I had to look after both of them - and cope with their competing needs - that I struggled.

Dh did look after ds a bit (and I would sit and read to dd a bit or we would do stuff the four of us) but his main job was to make sure that Dd was happy and didn’t feel upset that I suddenly had less time for her.

As I was breastfeeding ds having someone helping in the night would not have been a lot of help for me.

Sorry - forgot to say - if you are planning on bottle feeding than I can totally see the value of a night nanny. I suspect that I would have coped with the two of them much better once Dh had gone back to work if I hadn’t been so horrifically sleep deprived.

Probably will be breastfeeding as did the first time around. But DD took so much settling after a feed and woke frequently wanting to be held - I’m traumatised by it and if I could hand baby to someone to do that part after a feed and go back to bed it would help. But then yes I suppose I’d have both alone during the day.

I had a maternity nurse in a set of circumstances where I was very ill post birth and my DH was also unfortunately unable to help. She was amazing and a total godsend. Do it (if you can afford it). Best of luck. 💐oh and also of course you need to interview candidates before you choose one and agree on what they would be doing. Ours was an absolute dream and just absolutely “got it”.

A maternity nurse would cost more but might be more helpful. They are usually with you 24hrs a day 5 days a week, with 4hrs off time in the day, so they can help day and night.

@Notacottish thank you, where did you find them?

We had a night nanny for the first four weeks of DD’s life. My wife breastfed but the nanny brought baby to her, changed her nappy, settled her after etc. She was fabulous and we would definitely recommend if you can afford it. Our PIL paid for us because they couldn’t be there (covid, overseas), organised through an agency.

She helped a bit in the day as she lived with us Sunday night - Friday morning, but generally she took her 7-7.

nannyservice.co.uk/ It was a long time ago but Ronel just totally got what we needed at the time and sent us Alex L (don’t want to give her full name as she might not want it on the internet). But honestly Alex was literally Mary poppins for us when we needed her.

My best friend had one for a couple of days a week. She found it really helpful.

Try childcare.co.uk

As with the PP you might find the second time round much easier. After the experience of having a toddler I couldn't believe how little newborn babies actually need. If it was me I would have a mothers help during the day to do literally everything house related and perhaps entertain your toddler and I'd keep all the newborn snuggles (including the night time ones) for myself. Those are the special bonding moments and you might find a good second experience therapeutic for the trauma of the first time round. I know I did.

Definitely get a maternity nurse if you can afford. I used Eden Nannies and it was great. I had a recently retired midwife who was able to assist with both baby and immediate post natal care for me, including breastfeeding support.

If budget allows get a maternity nurse who is with you 24hrs. I would've gone for this if we could've afforded it. My friend had one for 6 weeks and said it was a fantastic experience.

I absolutely don't lame you. It's quite normal in the country I live in now and I wish I'd done it! I have a 10 month old and nearly lost my sanity dealing with her terrible sleep. Do it if you can afford it.

I also live somewhere this sort of thing is totally normal, and I think it’s a good idea. One question- who will look after your DD when you give birth, particularly if you need to be in for a few days? If it will be the person you hire, I’d recommend them spending time with your DD in advance so that she knows them and is comfortable with them.

I had one each time (the first had very sadly emigrated by no2 time). The first (through Eden as someone said above) was amazing and someone who I can truly say changed my life- not just the initial help but wisdom and advice and humour at a time of great upheaval. I love her.
the second was a pain in the arse - she was more focussed on her own dating apps and appeared to be maternity nursing for the free accommodation at times. I had a section and therefore wanted a driver. The first time she drove me, she answered her phone while driving so it was also the last. An expensive disaster. So - lesson is to interview well!

You might fine that there's not a huge price difference between having a night nanny and a maternity nurse.

Personally if you can stretch to it I'd go for a maternity nurse - will probably cost £220-£280ish per day and they will work about 20 hours 5 days a week. So will have the baby in her room overnight and then hand over to you at say 8am, and take over again at 12pm.
You can always have a night nanny do the other two nights a week that the maternity nurse is off, if the mat nurse plans to go home for those two days.
Remember you will also need to provide food.

Agencies - try Maternally Yours, Silentnight and Eden.

I had a maternity nurse through mytamarin.
I was a FTM with no experience of babies and no family in the country although unlike you I had an 'easy' birth (relatively!) and my DH had 2 weeks off but he had no experience of babies either.

I didn't book in advance as I didn't want to lose the deposit if the baby was late so ended up having a hodgepodge of different people on different days. I didn't get anyone for the nights because I was breast feeding so thought it was pointless. With hindsight that was a mistake because so much of the night is dedicated to resettling them not actually feeding and I started motherhood very sleep deprived after an awful 3 nights in the postnatal ward (due to DD being in NICU not due to birth injuries).

The maternity nurses were all really knowledgeable, as a FTM I needed that. They helped with all aspects of looking after the baby and in addition did baby laundry and tidied the babies things. They also helped me to establish breastfeeding. A couple of them went above and beyond and would tidy my kitchen when I was feeding the baby however it's definitely the case that not all of them do that.

I really valued my maternity nurses however in your place I'd consider getting a regular nanny (with baby experience) for the daytime. part of the value and expense of a maternity nurse is that they know so much about babies. However as a second time mum you already know what you need to know. You're not really needing to pay for knowledge and skill, you're needing practical help. A nanny is cheaper and you can also ask them to help with the other kid so long as this is specified. For nighttime you can get the maternity nurse. (Bear in mind some maternity nurses will do a 24hr shift but they don't work 24/7 without a break so if you want constant support you'll need more than one helper).

Only piece of advice is to make sure you ask for someone physically strong and capable! i had one with a bad back which was really frustrating as I needed her to walk and hold the crying baby and she wouldn't carry her which was totally useless. Unfortunately some of the people in the job are too old or fat for it really.

This is really helpful thank you everyone, good to hear of some positive stories

Absolutely get a maternity nurse. We had one for 10 days after DS1 was born. I'd had a c section and was pretty shattered. Worth every penny and if I could have afforded to I would have had her for a month!