Mums with ADHD

[GoodnightRain]

I am really interested to know how having ADHD impacts being a Mother and parenting in general? What do you find harder because of ADHD? What do you experience and notice that is likely different from those without ADHD.

I ask because I am a mother of two little ones and I have recently seen a number of threads and comments about ADHD in adult women - I found that I can strongly relate to the symptoms that I have seen people discussing. It had been a bit of a lightbulb moment! I didn't want to hijack the really useful thread about ADHD in adult women that was started earlier today - but would love to know about the experience of Mums/parents with ADHD. I was just wondering if a few more lightbulbs might turn on!

Hiya
Don't want to read and run. So just a quick note for now. I'm adhd and have twins. They are 10 now. My brain has definitely been fried. Now I'm peri menopause and I think that is also making my adhd symptoms go through the roof. You aren't alone. But at this time of night I'm fecked and can't put it into words xx. I'll come back in the morning when I'm more energised to be more helpful x

The organisation is awful.
Getting packed lunches ready , uniforms sorted, remembering homework etc

ADHD with 10 yr old twins here too and another one ! I do struggle but I have a baseline of minimal acceptable function - clean children in clean clothes, appropriately fed and in school on time. Anything else is a bonus... given they all have ASD/ADHD too... we work on a basis of love and survival to get us through

I have a 5yo and 3yo. 5yo also adhd/asd. I am always overwhelmed. Always. We need a lot of time outdoors, eldest requires more walks a day than the dog.

Harder: tidying, organising, getting to appointments

easier: creative activities, having fun with the kids

I struggled with keeping to routines. Household organisation was a complete disaster when mine were little. A couple of the rooms in our house reached hoarder status.

The dc’ needs anchored me, and we were quite baby led which isn’t a bad thing. They benefitted from the spontaneity, creativity and fun.

I’m missing a lot of memories - I can navigate their early years through photos but I wasn’t laying memories due to sleep deprivation. I was far too intense a dm in many ways.

I found the early school years a huge struggle. I kept expecting to have a breakdown and end up with social services involved - the sheer nightmare of organising lunches, uniforms, books, homework, world-fucking-book day (although they always had amazing costumes).

I struggled with anxiety and depression, generally feeling like a rubbish mum and a pretty useless human. Figuring out adhd has been amazing for my self esteem. I’ve been able to lean in to the things I’m good at and give myself grace to figure out the stuff I struggle with.

Raising a baby was the first time I encountered a situation I couldn’t just ace with hyperfocus.

I also don't want to read and run, but I have a toddler and have inattentive ADHD.

Like PPs say, the organization is awful but the actual doing stuff with them is great - I think ADHD has helped me a lot with the toddler stage.

I just want to say to my fellow adhd mums - you don’t have to have a routine if you don’t want to :) it’s perfectly okay to be fluid and not have set times and activities. We don’t do routine here.

On reflection the worst way ADHD affected me was after having a second child. It's fine now DD's are both a bit older but when DD2 was born I was so overwhelmed and anxious all the time. I really suffer with executive Function and could not work out which child to prioritise so was constantly running myself ragged trying to give my all to each child and found it hellish. I thought I had post natal depression but I'm certain now it was the ADHD.

One DD is at school and I have forced myself to be organised so I don't forget anything. It is a mammoth effort for me. I know as soon as DD2 starts it is going to be completely overwhelming and everything will unravel.

Diagnosed ADHD a few years ago, medicated, done a fuck tonne of reading and trying to figure out how best to manage as I’m a lone parent to 3 (current ages 14, 12 and 7) and I was a STEM student when I was diagnosed.

The best two things I did for myself were cutting right back on all commitments and making sure I had enough time to do the necessary stuff, without rushing.

For example, it takes me around 2 hours to make a really good meal. Rather than trying to wang it out in 30 mins, mucking it up and having to order takeaway because I’m too fried to try again. I now cook double the amount of food, so would make a spaghetti bolognese then the next day add spices and make a chilli instead.

Oh, and DC3 was the one that tipped me over the edge into being almost unable to manage even basic things and I really struggles.

DC1 has Inattentive ADHD, DC2 has ASD and Hyperactive ADH, both have a bunch of SpLDs (as do I) and DC3 is on the wait list for all assessments.

Forgot to add, I also have ASD.

I find parenting my 7 year old with adhd my biggest struggle.

As it's strongly runs on families their is a high chance a child will inherit it

A Adhd person managing a adhd kid is difficult.

Like fire on fire my husband tells me.

Thanks so much for your replies, was nice to hear about the strengths too 🥰

I find consistency a real issue. I've got all these great ideas about how I want to parent and I might do well for a few days to a week before it all unravels again and feels more like unstructured chaos. Does that sounds about right?