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Why do some mother's resent their sons partners?

14 replies

SummersBreeze · 01/06/2022 14:22

My brother is the luckiest man ever. He met a beautiful lady. She's very down to earth. She's not stuck up. She loves my brother and the family they made. She looks after them. She really is a beautiful lady. She is a foreign lady and thank goodness they are not at home or close by.

Something unfolded over the past week. She did nothing wrong except for wanting to come home on holidays with my brother and child. My mum's true feelings came to light to me but I never told my brother. It appears to me as if my mum resents his partner and his partner is not welcome at home. That's what it looks like to me. Mum never said those words but she has down right refused to have his partner at home. There's a spare room and enough space but mum doesn't want it.

Why do some women resent their sons partners? Im trying to understand it.

OP posts:
SoggyPoppadom · 01/06/2022 14:42

How long is your brother expecting to stay with his mother?

My own mum has spare bedrooms and sometimes has us there to stay overnight but she struggles with the change in her routine and reduction in personal space/time.

She has the space, she loves my dh and my sil and bil and her grandchildren to bits but she'd struggle with us staying with her for anything longer than a night or two. She's recently had my sister back with her children for a few weeks and it exhausted her even with well behaved kids. Little things like not being able to do her jigsaws for a month because the kids would tamper with it,

When it's anything more than a few days it can be a big ask of someone to host to host for weeks. If your mother hasn't offered to host them for holidays then it doesn't have to mean she resents her daughter in law and just because she has the space doesn't mean she resents people if she says no when people invite themselves.

Onemoresleeptogonow · 01/06/2022 14:43

Maybe your dm simply struggles she ls not being the only woman in db's life?

LadyOfTheCanyon · 01/06/2022 14:45

Is your Mother racist do you think?

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MissyB1 · 01/06/2022 14:51

Eh? She’s not keen on having them all to stay, and suddenly that means she resents his partner? Maybe she doesn’t want to host them all? I really struggle with having people to stay, especially someone I don’t know very well.

SummersBreeze · 01/06/2022 18:19

SoggyPoppadom · 01/06/2022 14:42

How long is your brother expecting to stay with his mother?

My own mum has spare bedrooms and sometimes has us there to stay overnight but she struggles with the change in her routine and reduction in personal space/time.

She has the space, she loves my dh and my sil and bil and her grandchildren to bits but she'd struggle with us staying with her for anything longer than a night or two. She's recently had my sister back with her children for a few weeks and it exhausted her even with well behaved kids. Little things like not being able to do her jigsaws for a month because the kids would tamper with it,

When it's anything more than a few days it can be a big ask of someone to host to host for weeks. If your mother hasn't offered to host them for holidays then it doesn't have to mean she resents her daughter in law and just because she has the space doesn't mean she resents people if she says no when people invite themselves.

The family live so far away, it's rare we see each other. It's usually once every 3/4 years. We went to visit them before and then they came here before but they were planning to live here for a year so they rented somewhere. Then the pandemic hit and we weren't able to travel to be with them. Now they want to come but it's only for a holiday. They are not able to pay for accommodation because it's too expensive but we are family. I don’t own my own home and I live with my mum. Hosting would have been shared. Mum made a fuss over helping them find accommodation somewhere else even though the space is at home and they wouldn't be right on top of mum all the time.

I got a tone from mum that she wasn't happy with the SIL coming.

OP posts:
Henryisahoover · 01/06/2022 18:23

LadyOfTheCanyon · 01/06/2022 14:45

Is your Mother racist do you think?

I thought the same. But with your update that you don't see each other very often, your DM probably thinks SIL is evil for stealing her son away from her.

My MIL is weird and doesn't like any of her DIL. The good thing is all 3 of us get along and tell each other everything MIL has attempted to say about us behind our backs.

WhereTheWildlingsLive · 01/06/2022 18:32

I don't know about all mils obviously but it's clear with mine that it's because she is used to being the matriarch/queen bee, getting her own way and making all decisions in the family, and can't stand the fact that these days Dp defers to me and our separate family unit... She basically can't accept that DP isn't 'hers' to dictate to and sees me as a challenge to her leadership 🤷🏼‍♀️

She's very strange 🤔 my own mum was never like this, however I only have sisters!

SummersBreeze · 01/06/2022 18:55

It definitely looks to me as if mum can't cope with changes. It appears as if she wanted my brother as the man who left 10+ years ago. Not the man he is today - a family man.

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Lostatsea10 · 01/06/2022 19:02

I could well be wrong and apologies if I am @SummersBreeze but did you post a few weeks ago about your mum being a hoarder?

If so, is that still the issue do you think?

SummersBreeze · 01/06/2022 19:03

Lostatsea10 · 01/06/2022 19:02

I could well be wrong and apologies if I am @SummersBreeze but did you post a few weeks ago about your mum being a hoarder?

If so, is that still the issue do you think?

No I didn't post a few weeks ago about that but thanks

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Lostatsea10 · 01/06/2022 19:07

Apologies, it seemed familiar.

In that case, could it just be that she still wants him to be ‘her’ little boy and having his DP and DC come to stay is a stark reminder he’s not. In some ways, perhaps she feels he has been taken from her, or lost to her.

of course he hasn’t, but perhaps she might feel that way. Hopefully she’ll rally and be ok when they’re here.

Hardbackwriter · 01/06/2022 19:11

Do you have a partner? How is she towards them, if so?

Asiama · 01/06/2022 19:15

Hi @SummersBreeze, this sounds very familiar to a recent post where a son was coming to visit his mother from Australia, but once it was known that the partner was coming along she wanted the poster to find alternative accommodation in a price range which just didn't exist. Was that you?

The house needed a lot of cleaning / clearing to create space and I can understand why there might be discomfort in having the partner there too, as she may be embarrassed.

SummersBreeze · 01/06/2022 20:18

^
Different poster here

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