Surgery. Weightloss. Confidence. Such a mess.

[YourNameIsSen]

Good evening, I have been mulling this over in my mind and feel like I need to get it out on paper so to speak.

I've been with my husband 20 years. Have 2 teenage children.

My Body changed alot in pregnancy. I had big babies, got stretch marks, my boobs went south. I wasn't one of these ladies who bounce back or could achieve their prepregnancy shape again. I had the massive apron fold of skin. Stretch marks from boobs to calves. My breasts were very small before and went huge then deflated again.
After my pregnancies, due to ill health I continued to gain weight. Over 100lbs of weight, which I carried for years.

We are not a well off family. DH earns a less than average wage and I couldn't work due to illness still.

We had a small amount of savings and after failing to lose weight I begged DH to let me use it for gastric surgery.

I painted a picture of a healthy, confident me in the future.

Well he agreed, and 2 years later I am a 'normal' weight/BMI but I am less confident than ever.

My body is an absolute mess. We had more sex when I was fat than now because I cannot bare to be naked.

I expected lose skin but its vile. My breasts are honestly like that of a 90 year old lady.
My nipples hang at the end of my breasts and face down to my belly button, at the same level.

I'm just devastated. I thought I would be happy. I'm healthy but not happy.
There is no way on earth I can get surgery. The weightloss surgery wiped our savings and I have such guilt about using all that money on myself. I couldn't do it even more, even if the money was there, which it isn't.

I'm just so sad. I've spent my whole life hating my body for one reason or another.

And now I'm healthy and feel OK when I've got clothes on but I can't even look at my own body in the shower.

It's so bad.

And I feel so sorry for my husband, i thought this would make me a confident, sexy wife and it's just made me even less confident.

I can't bear for him to touch my breasts at all, the way he has to scoop them up makes me feel sick. I know there is so much more going on in the world right now and this is incredibly shallow but I'm just so sad.

Has anyone managed to find some confidence in a body they despise?

I hear you - I was the same. I was fortunately, eventually able to have a tummy tuck and boob reduction and that made the difference I had been hoping for before my original surgery.

I'm afraid I can't offer anything more than that.

Are you able to talk with your husband about this. I know it can't actually change things but maybe he can give you some reassurance. I was (and am) single and for a long time was unable to even consider the idea of meeting someone. Now I don't care - I'm happy alone.

DH doesn't care. He is attracted to me in any state. He would have sex twice a day if he could. He tells me constantly how gorgeous I am.

But all I can see is the skin and sagging.

I almost wish I was fat again as at least everything was full and plump then, not just empty skin

I'm so happy you were able to get surgery. It must feel amazing.

I have no experience of this but I wanted to say that I'm really, really sorry you feel this way. Your post made me so sad for you and I hope it gets better for you x

Have you ever had counselling? I think it's not the body you have it's how you feel about the body you have that matters, and counselling can help you feel much much better.
It's about changing the negative mindset.

Have you thought of discussing this with your gp?
I think they could offer you counselling, and I'm not sure if the NHS do this, surgery to remove some of the excess skin?

Yes but I am still alone

I have got to the point where I 'choose' this bt this is (at least partly) due to believing that no man would accept me as I am.

this is so sad to read. my breasts sound identical to yours! Can you pinch the skin and pull it upwards leaving a pouch of fat (but mostly more skin) sort of slumped at the bottom? My nipples point directly to the floor! But it doesn’t matter, really it doesn’t. I’m not in a relationship right now but I have a fwb plus not infrequent dates that lead to sex. IME men are attracted to confidence, inhibitions are such a turn off. I don’t know how you can make yourself see that but I hope you can, somehow