Help! At my wits end with pushy, bossy colleague

[TheBigBongTheory]

I work with someone who is a very bossy, pushy person. We are at the same level but both do different jobs although the jobs are connected to each other in a small way.

She is constantly rude and makes comments all the time to everyone; "WHY are you wearing tights today, it's hot?", "Why are you in 15 minutes early, you idiot?". Just personal things constantly. All very loudly.

Then there is the work bossiness; constantly telling people what to do even though she has no authority. She's always just coming up to my desk and telling me to do things, and does it with everyone else, too. She'll also stand behind us, being nosey and start correcting our work or telling us we're doing something wrong, when we're actually not doing the task she assume we are doing. She'll say "NO! NO! You're doing it wrong" and start interfering.

Then there is the pushiness; my desk is nearer to our reception area than hers, so she will sometimes be dealing with a customer at reception, need to check something on a computer and literally decide she wants to use mine and suddenly lean across me and my desk, close whatever I'm doing, and start using my computer. She has to be involved in every conversation, and will just park her way in the middle of two people talking, put her back to one of the people and make the conversation about her.

This is only the basics of what she does BTW; I could write everything but I'd be here hours!

So, you'll probably all say 'be assertive' and 'tell her'. Well, I am very assertive and I do tell her, bluntly, all the time not to do these things. Sometimes I answer her in the tone she spoke to me in when she makes personal comments. She takes no notice.

I have spoken to my manager who said 'It's just the way she is. You have to just tell her'. So I spoke to my manager's manager who, again, said 'It's just the way she is'

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Move jobs

You keep telling her. I fully appreciate how frustrating and irritating that it. But when she comes to push you out of the way to get to your computer, remain firm. Do not move. Push her hand away if necessary.

When she comments on you coming in early/wearing tights/whatever, either ignore or respond tartly every time, "it's none of your business".

Realistically she clearly has very poor social skills so it's very unlikely you will offend her.

Lift your keyboard and mouse away if she leans over you.
Grey rock unless you really have to respond .

What's grey rock?

I’d just tilt my head, wryly smile, wait a couple of seconds and say “ok Sandra” EVERY SINGLE TIME.

This reminds me of training my dog! Be consistent and assertive, every time. She sounds like a former colleague of mine who just HAD to be the top person in everything, even the most trivial stuff. I looked at it as an insecurity issue. It helped me feel better knowing that she was doing it out of weakness.

Grey rock and sssertiveness where possible. Don't put up with her checking your work, tell her kindly go please I'm busy and ramp it up where necessary. I'd personally keep a note of what you've said and when and what she/management said
Management are being wet, they could nicely pull her up and say there have been multiple complaints about her attitude and communication skills ... send her on a course for reflection too

Tempting to get someone who is aggressive and assertive and very unpleasant to speak to your manager, though a bit of a nuclear option.

Other question to ask is would the behaviour be the same to a man? I doubt it, so it is discrimination.

Do you have HR? It's not 'just the way it is', if it's impacting you and your job then it needs addressing. It's perfectly acceptable to address the way some one is behaving in the workplace if it's effecting others.

That said, what you've written sounds like a laundry list of things about her that annoy you. You need to carefully translate this into a list of how it impacts your ability to do your job, the atmosphere in the work place etc.

Can you work from home?

Working from home isn't an option, unfortunately. Also I love my job and the rest of the team so I really don't want to get another job

Does the rest of the team feel the same way? Could you get everyone together and present a sort of ‘class action’? Your bosses (go as high as you can) will have to take notice if a ton of people say, as one, “this colleague is a nightmare & you have to do something”.