Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Flowers at work, a red flag?

24 replies

Smartsub · 31/05/2022 08:35

I'll admit I'm not a fan of flowers, it seems like giving me a job to do with the arranging and changing of water, getting rid when they're dead, but I understand some people love to receive them.

However, in my long working life, it seems to me the women who often receive flowers at work have terrible relationships. They'll be the same women who spend a lot of time crying in the loos, but then tell you how he didn't mean it and he's soo generous and kind really.

I don't mean very occasional flowers, for a very special occasion, but men who send flowers a lot seems like a red flag to me.

There seems two sorts - those who are over needy and marking their territory and those who have a lot to apologise for and think flowers make it all OK, rather than changing their behaviour.

OP posts:
maxelly · 31/05/2022 10:05

I do tend to agree (and personally I do like receiving flowers as a gift), I think it's the sending it to work rather than the frequent sending of flowers per se that make it a bit ick to me - I guess someone will be along to say their husband sends flowers to their work every week for reasons of convenience or whatever and he's perfectly lovely, but to me it's (a) an unnecessarily public gesture, either like you say 'marking the territory' or just pure and simple wanting to show off their generosity to all and sundry and (b) puts everyone but the giver out - the receptionist etc plus the woman having to carry them home - if you want to give flowers for whatever reason, why not just do the unselfish thing and bring them along to the next date or get them delivered to the house at a suitable time (usually possible with interflora and the like to select a weekend or evening delivery time or there's a whole range of letterbox flowers these days)?

HelpIneedsomebodywontyouplease · 31/05/2022 10:08

Remember Ross sending all those flowers and gifts to Rachel at work?
It was like he was marking his territory because he thought her boss fancied her.
so yes, it makes me think red flag.

Original poster
Smartsub · 31/05/2022 10:10

maxelly · 31/05/2022 10:05

I do tend to agree (and personally I do like receiving flowers as a gift), I think it's the sending it to work rather than the frequent sending of flowers per se that make it a bit ick to me - I guess someone will be along to say their husband sends flowers to their work every week for reasons of convenience or whatever and he's perfectly lovely, but to me it's (a) an unnecessarily public gesture, either like you say 'marking the territory' or just pure and simple wanting to show off their generosity to all and sundry and (b) puts everyone but the giver out - the receptionist etc plus the woman having to carry them home - if you want to give flowers for whatever reason, why not just do the unselfish thing and bring them along to the next date or get them delivered to the house at a suitable time (usually possible with interflora and the like to select a weekend or evening delivery time or there's a whole range of letterbox flowers these days)?

Yes, you're right. It's the public element and also "intruding" into the one place where the partner doesn't haven't any influence over her.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General shopping
brokengoalposts · 31/05/2022 10:11

I had a work colleague who had flowers sent into work about 3-4 times a year from her dh. They're both lovely people, so I have no issues with them per se, but I wouldn't have liked it. It's the type of people who post gushy messages to each other on fb when they're sitting on the couch together watching telly.

TokyoSushi · 31/05/2022 10:12

Yes agree, it usually seems to be a certain type of person who does this.

TitInATrance · 31/05/2022 10:15

Yes, XH1 was in the habit of sending huge floral arrangements if he’d been seriously caught out - not telling me he was in a relationship when we met, shagging his secretary, pushing me around.

It was a real pain both for the embarrassment and because it was really awkward to get them home on public transport.

gingercat02 · 31/05/2022 10:16

I love flowers and often buy myself some. DH does on special occasions as he knows I like then but always at home never ever at work.

People who do are the "look at me types"

I wouldn't say they necessarily have bad relationships or at least the ones I know don't

TheOriginalClownfish · 31/05/2022 10:30

I think it's very showy. Why can you pick up a bouquet and bring them home to your wife instead of sending them to her work? It feels like it's more important for other people to see you doing the Nice Thing than how the recipient feels to get them.

For me it's up there with the dickheads who film themselves being nice to homeless people (without their consent in many cases) for their YouTube channel.

Stellaris22 · 31/05/2022 10:37

I would hate flowers at work and be hugely embarrassed, relationships are for home and I don’t want it to intrude on my professional life. It’s definitely similar to the ‘oh I’m so lucky to have my partner and we love each other so much’ gushy posts on social media. It’s very cringe.

If DH sent me flowers at work i’d find it very controlling and unnecessary.

starlingdarling · 31/05/2022 11:10

I'd hate to receive flowers at work but love to receive them at home. In my experience the type of women who get them at work tend to be the ones who are extroverted and enjoy the public nature of the gift or regular spoiling g. They enjoy everyone seeing them receive flowers so it's kind of the perfect gift.

I can't say I've seen any connection between strength of relationship and flowers at work though. Some of them have been happily married for years but their husbands know they enjoy that sort of thing.

AnAfternoonWalk · 31/05/2022 11:14

I don’t know. If it’s constant, someone sending flowers to work then that’s weird.

But my husband did once send me flowers at work (brings flowers to me at home around 4 times a year), early in our dating days, we met at work and he was away on work trip. So everyone obviously knew both of us.

It was Valentine’s Day, red roses in a pink box. I will never forget it, a wonderful surprise.

artisanbread · 31/05/2022 11:14

Ah, DH sent me flowers at work once, in the early weeks of our relationship. Think that might be the last time he bought me flowers! I don't think you can draw conclusions just from flowers. A few of my colleagues have received flowers on, eg, their birthday from significant others. Most seem to be pretty normal relationships. One who went over the top for Valentine's day is known (including by his wife) to be a controlling twat though.

Rainbowqueeen · 31/05/2022 11:21

Some people like to have flowers on their desks. There is someone like that at my work. Usually they are from her garden but sometimes her partner sends some.

It can be a red flag though definitely but not always

InTheNightWeWillWish · 31/05/2022 11:29

A colleague’s wife had a significant birthday and he mentioned he hadn’t got her anything, there’s nothing she wanted. We suggested it might be nice for him to pick up some flowers or a bottle of her favourite wine if she didn’t like flowers, just to mark the occasion. So he ordered some flowers to her work. It just felt like the minimum amount of effort that he could put it in - ring a florist and make his wife take it home versus pick up the flowers himself or visit Sainsbury’s to buy a bottle of wine. Everyone at work then realised it was her birthday and brought in some more flowers, chocolate and wine the next day. He then told everyone he didn’t need to buy those flowers as everyone else gave her gifts!

DilemmaDelilah · 31/05/2022 11:31

I would LOVE flowers to be sent to me at work (or I would have done before covid and working from home). I spend the majority of my waking day at work and my office was not very attractive so it would have brightened up my week considerably. My DP is fantastic, very loving and caring, but the nearest I get to him buying flowers for me is when he adds them on to the grocery delivery. Not the same.

DilemmaDelilah · 31/05/2022 11:32

I would keep flowers sent to me at work AT work...obviously...

Triffid1 · 31/05/2022 11:39

Agree re the regular flowers at work (barring one client who always has flowers on her desk. She usually buys them herself, but occasionally her DH sends her some or people in the office will get her some for her birthday or whatever). It definitely is a red flag.

But otherwise, I've always thought it was situational. DH sending me flowers at work when we live together is weird. But when he was away for 3 months for work, he had flowers sent to the office because there was no one at home to take them in and by having them on my desk I could enjoy them. That was nice (it might also have been the last time he got me flowers).

Similarly, for a big birthday my parents sent me flowers at the office because they don't live nearby and I wouldn't have been able to receive them at home - this was pre-Covid and DH and I lived in a small flat with a bunch of neighbours who were also out all day.

They also sent me flowers when I was promoted.... that was embarrassing!

Chubarubrub · 31/05/2022 11:43

For me it's up there with the dickheads who film themselves being nice to homeless people (without their consent in many cases) for their YouTube channel.

Yes! I hate this! Just do it without needing validation and showing off about what an amazing person you are… 🙄

Irishfarmer · 31/05/2022 12:22

If it's constant it might not be a good sign, like ppl that are constantly gushing over each other on SM. I worked in a v large corporate environment for a while about a week before valentines leaflets appeared for flower delivery many men did it without even thinking about it. So v little thought. I also worked with a woman who (after a few drinks on a night out) said she tells her bf when to send flowers to the office.

I'll admit I have sent flowers to someone's office. When my cousin got engaged I knew I wouldn't see them to celebrate as they live quite far away. I got flowers delivered to his girlfriends office. He said it made her day. It's nice to feel special. Well that was my thought process behind it!

GlamGiraffe · 15/02/2023 02:27

As long as there isn't a history of him behaving inappropriately to females I can't see the issue.
I see it as no different to buying everyojre a little easter egg or bunch of daffodils . Or a small token for Christmas, there isn't x anything as obvious as Easter and valentines gifts I'd imagine you might see my point of view .

I had so many friends s this year who are single make comments about how an unexpected gesture from someone ( it was a floral every time, ) made their day. From one flower to small bunches, from a friends, neighbour or colleague. The general. Theme I noticed seemed to be you done have to be in a relationship to know someone cares about you and a flower is just a way p of song you are in someone's thought s. It made av lot of people happy today I'll

SpookyBlackCat · 15/02/2023 03:38

I'm an introvert, so I'd hate flowers to be sent to me at work. But hopefully if I was dating someone, they would know me well enough to know that. I actually bought myself a flower subscription for home. I love getting the flowers each time and they are so pretty and interesting. I have a lot of pot plants in my house and a lot of plants and flowers in my garden too, but the whole "flowers at work" thing is just so cringeworthy and attention-seeking.

sausage767 · 15/02/2023 05:19

My husband has sent me flowers to work every now and then, most recently 20 roses for our anniversary. My mother sends me flowers on my birthday. It’s no trouble taking them home, I’d rather they sit in the aircon in my office for a day than dying on the doorstep at home. Or our building concierge having to deal with them.

The florist near my office does seriously beautiful bouquets, I ordered one to take to a friends new house, and had them delivered to myself. ☺️

Alighttouchonthetiller · 15/02/2023 06:31

DH has occasionally flowers to me at work in the past, particularly when he was working away. It was not a performative gesture, it was because there was no-one at home to answer the door for the delivery. I liked it - it used to perk me up a bit during a long day. There was no grand, public handing over - I'd get an email there was a delivery in reception and would nip down from my classroom during lunchtime to collect them from behind the desk, just as I'd do with any other delivery.

It makes me a bit sad to read all these posts about 'red flags' and showing off. Sometimes flowers are just a kind gesture.

MrsMikeDrop · 15/02/2023 06:33

I think it's lovely, you sound jealous tbh

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread