How do you try n teach your children how to think, not what to think ?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Ask their opinions ?
about current affairs or events

any other ideas

I think it starts with you being able to tolerate opposite and different opinions.

You genuinely and non-emotionally need to tolerate opinions that are different to yours without berating or ridiculing, that’s the only way!

this is because, kids will form quite bonkers opinions on things as they get exposed to more in the world, especially these days wot wiv t’internet.

I’ve had to tolerate pretty bonkers stages as my kids have grown up. They’ve been into David Icke, Alex Jones,….god so many bonkers people along the way. And you have to discuss it, like an adult, rationally and calmly, ideally with some humour, presenting opposing views, or views which challenge the latest bonkers view.

Freedom of thought is the thing imo. You have to give them the freedom to explore ideas, and not be told what is ‘right’

I actually wonder if some adults don’t have this ability. I guess you can check this if you are vehemently a left or right wing voter, and how you’d feel if your child voted the opposite way. Would you think they are just wrong or could you accept that they are absolutely 100% entitled to hold a different view?

DD13 & I probably have some of our best discussions in the car. She’s neurodivergent ( awaiting tests) & her way of looking at things can be black & white. She has some very strong views. It often surprises me how much she knows about what’s going on in the world but of course it’s the internet. I try to give her a platform whilst reminding her that not everyone is going to share her opinion & she needs to try to keep an open mind. I love her passion & enthusiasm - hopefully she will never lose those qualities.

Children are curious by nature. Mine have been fascinated by things like The Bermuda Triangle and Area 51. When they get fascinated by something, I encourage them to explore it and we'll have conversations.
Other things are, I buy broadsheets from time to time, we look at political flyers, watch interesting tv programmes as well as the usual entertaining ones and I encourage them to read books. I never let them give up on reading and always insisted that they read for a bit before bed. Now as teens, they choose their own books and read books like the evolution of rap music, biographies and drug cartels () Whenever they ask me a question, I always ask 'what do you think?' and encourage conversation.
Even without all that, children will develop into adults who have their own opinions and thoughts. I don't think you have to do much to be honest.

We would eat together as a family, round the table, every night and that's where we encouraged questions, and discussions.

We also listen to things like 5 live together in the car which can provide a good start point for discussion. So yesterday morning they where discussing the place of the royal family today and that led to us discussing what we felt and then onto talking about the House of Lords etc. we didn’t agree on everything but that just helped us debate.

Re tolerating bonkers views... up to a point. I think it's vitally important for kids to have a solid grounding in material reality and rationality. Believing different things is one thing - but if it's not based on reality and rationality then they're building on sand. Of course thought experiments, imagining all sorts is great, but they do need to understand that not everything is a matter of opinion.

Books, The Week Junior, time etc all help.

But I find the most powerful thing is to listen to them, and then ask them to argue it the other way. So to poke holes in their own argument. I don’t always do this, but if I have time it’s always interesting.

Talk and listen. Make sure they have access to books, news, ideas and then listen and accept if they form views that are different to your own. Ds 21 had very different politics to me, however I have to accept this as they have been formed by us allowing him to see all sides and come up with what he believes. We often have strong debate which I love as I often now learn from him. The internet is interesting as he uses it in a much broader way than I do to find info so often has more diverse perspectives than I. I do not always think he is right but at least he is engaged!

I honestly don't know.
I also think (this thread is amusing) many parents do NOT want their kids to have critical thinking skills. They want their kids to make choices the parents like & approve of & won't be embarrassed by: definitely do what you're told, do as I say not as I do, etc. You must have my own values not your own ways of deciding what to do. A lot of the Home-edders I meet are especially like this.

I tolerate "back chat". This is them learning & engaging with decisions.

I let them make mistakes but when it's a mistake I try to get them to tell me why I'm wrong. I listen. I try to get them to decide what are the principles they want to use to figure out what to do and act accordingly.

DC have some opinions I don't like. I tolerate that & we go back to principles sometimes, they just end up in different place from me.

I have been bad at letting them express their feelings, am weak on that tolerance. Room for improvement.

My mother (lefty atheist) had raging arguments with my brothers about religion, with her brothers about politics. I hated that & resolved I would be civil in disagreements with relatives. Tolerance is important.

I have teenagers/adult DC who tell me about their bad moments, ask for my input about their decisions. They talk to me. I know a lot about what happens in their heads. I may be doing something right. They are also achieving ok or even well, so not made too many bad decisions (yet).

*lljkk · Today 09:07

I honestly don't know.
I also think (this thread is amusing) many parents do NOT want their kids to have critical thinking skills.*

YY.

I think this is harder than it first seems. We have a natural bias to assume our beliefs/values are those that anyone would see are the most appropriate after looking at the evidence.

DC1 and I are in a different place about some issues to do with gender and sexuality, although she is probably equally as far from some of her friends' views as from mine. Some of the most productive conversations we've had have involved admitting that each of our views has problematic aspects and neither of us has all the answers.

Nowadays it's very easy and tempting to create a social media echo chamber where other views are wrong and cancelled, and everything seems more black and white. I think even just making sure you are exposing your children to a range of views that encompass shades of grey can be challenging, but is important.

My father was extremely left wing, very anti Irish (this was during the troubles) and wouldn't tolerate debate.

I have adult DC who I think have good critical skills.

When they were growing up I always played devils advocate.
However strongly you agree with a view always explain the opposing position.
Raise subjects like religeon, abortion, socialism, Northern Ireland and teach them the background of both sides.

My DC had no idea what my true political views were until they were late teens as I bent over backwards to give both sides of the argument. Many people won't do this because they want their DC to agree with the "right" side as they see it.

My DD has learned a lot about things from watching TV. She has quite eclectic tastes, though her primary interest is animals. Just saying 'get rid of the TV' is simplistic.

Teach them to question things, ask why, how, where, when etc and to not just believe everything they are told. Encourage them to examine people's motives. Encourage debate. Have interesting guests round for a meal and let the children participate in the conversation. Put the news on! Even Newsround can provoke some interesting discussions - I'm glad my son's school play it to them as I wouldn't have much luck with that at home! Talk to them and ask their opinion on things. Question them as to why they hold a particular opinion. As with most things I suppose it's teaching by example.

Oh and also - crucially - listen to what they have to say and don't shut them down by telling them they are "wrong".

Great question. IMO it is important to allow them to have a voice. Training yourself to change from teaching them to listening. That should give them the confidence to express themselves more, and over time formulate their ideas more cohesively.

it is my guess from just having asked this question that you are already doing this.

I have always said to my kids that they can believe what they want, anything at all, as long as they can present a clear argument as to how they have come to that belief and are willing to debate it.

We have also had lots of conversations about the Internet, particularly YouTube. We have talked about how anyone at all can make a video purporting a theory, and seemingly have loads of evidence for it, but it's always important to look at the other side of the theory and how it could be debunked before coming to a conclusion.

I feel like this is more important than ever when you look at the #nodebate rhetoric around certain issues and how ideological some young people are, seemingly having abandoned all critical thinking.

Funnily enough, it was Mumsnet which really helped me shape my critical thinking skills! For almost any given topic there will be posters arguing for and against.

I think they are taught this way at school now anyway. All well and good in some lessons, but sometimes it goes too far and they start questioning the actual facts they are supposed to be learning, which is not helpful.

Probably not something you can Teach children overtly.

If it's in the family culture they will pick it up.

Probably not something you can Teach children overtly.

Almost by definition! Though some of the tools and processes are teachable I suppose - ways of the reliability of sources, for instance, thinking about peoples biases and motivations etc.

I hope those following this thread are also actively thinking about it.

I also think (this thread is amusing) many parents do NOT want their kids to have critical thinking skills.

i agree. I think that’s why the most important part is to make sure children know they don’t have to agree with their parents views on things and that it’s fine to question things

There are some things that I feel I have to draw the line at though. I don't want my dcs to have any homophobic, racist or sexist views.
They will be influenced by friends so it is true that to a certain extent, I want to be the primary influence in their thinking.

Obviously you don’t want them having beliefs like that but even then you can’t just say to them “don’t be homophobic” as that won’t change anything. Even then it’s about questioning why they are thinking that way and encouraging them to realise that isn’t the right way of thinking. Ultimately they need to come to that view themselves

@Sirzy of course. I'm not the type to shout 'because I said so!'
It would definitely be a conversation where I would encourage an empathetic viewpoint and ask questions to hopefully encourage a more balanced view.

I'm following from a parent perspective.

From a childs view, growing up, my parents encouraged me to read, ask questions, seek others ideas and do my own research. We often sat and talked about anything and everything. I am a product of my upbringing however, and I did have a few of my parents opinions until I moved out. After my brother went to uni, I witnessed some very lively conversations as I saw l his opinions (especially around politics) completely diverge from my parents.

It changes as they grow. With mine recently (mostly secondary age), it's largely been pushing them beyond their first conclusion and their good/bad, truth/lie mindset that is developmentally normal, but can need help growing beyond it. I use what they're already doing and try to push a bit further. Sometimes that is adding in a 'what' as a way to practice the 'how'.

For example, one of my DDs gets very frustrated when the school 'lies' which to her is whenever they don't tell 100% of the information. Each time, I gently push - so recently it was yes, saying there are 5 senses is a common way to simplify all the many ways we sense things, but your English teacher saying writing based on the 5 senses is a good tip for writing description (which she hates) and she can add in more if she likes.

Sometimes the school is just wrong and we talk about how everyone can get things wrong sometimes, but often time it's just more complex than there is time or expertise in a lesson. This DD now has a thing where she brings her RE lesson book home to 'correct' because she doesn't like the teacher and thinks he lies a lot (also occasionally for other subjects like history, but only certain topics, RE is pretty much brought home weekly now for this). There are some things which are factually incorrect - rarely worryingly incorrect though it happens - but most often it's that all religions are internally diverse and also change through time and place so saying all Y people think X about Z is going to be limited so we discuss that, what she's expected to know for the test and working slowly on the difference between 'this is one of a range of thoughts on the topic' and the less common 'this is actually entirely wrong' or 'they've left out something really important'.

Exploring these thinking patterns is different with a 15-year-old compared to a 10 or 5-year-old. As others said, media can be a good way to do this too: my kids love films like The Book of Life and Coco. When my youngest discusses his ideas of the afterlife involving that, I'll likely not add much more beyond 'some people think this and some people think that'. With my older kids, 15 & 17, I'm more likely to ask harder questions like if we stay in the afterlife as long as we're remembered, doesn't that mean that people like the famous musician murderer in Coco or some of the worst people in history are likely to get to be the party way longer than most? That might appear to be a what to think, but to me it's a practical use of how - it's hard to do just how to think in abstract without whats to work with.