child sexual abuse by close family member

[Nbts]

Recently my son has informed us that he has been sexually abused by my brothers wife since he was 13. He is now 18 the abuse stopped due to COVID.
My brothers wife is a GP and I thought that she was the kindest woman I have ever known.
My son has had to live with this secret for years and has had years of feeling guilty about what happened. He felt he may have been to blame.
We were very close with my brothers family and this woman was like a sister.
I am finding this all very hard to deal with. The thought of her with him like that sickens me. The deceit the reality that she is a paedophile.
She would get into bed with him at sleepovers etc
She told him she loved him and that they would be together in heaven.
This is considered historic abuse and now that my son is 18 he is treated like an adult.
The school reported the matter to the police who so far have done v little. The GMC are investigating and have made an interim order that she can not treat patients under 18 but I find this decision hard. She can treat someone over 18/
There is a GP out there who abused my son groomed him who can treat people vulnerable people.
My son is still at school but is getting no support at all.
Life is really quite difficult all the past was a lie and who do we trust around our kids. I have always been more protective over my girls but I never ever knew my son would be at risk.
She has taken away his innocence he can never get back his childhood the thought of him carrying such a huge load is v upsetting.

Im so sorry you are dealing with this. I suffered childhood abuse and one of the hardest things was keeping it secret and feeling it was my fault and not ever having anyone to share it with. Your son has spoken out, he has your support. He has been heard and believed, that is massive and will go a long way to helping him come to terms with his experience.

yes he has spoken he is very brave I have a younger son aged 12 and I'm so relieved that he is not in her company. Its the fact that this woman is also a Dr and the systems are just not strong enough.
The police are v slow and of course I want her punished.
I am the one struggling

Try contacting MOSAC - for parents of abused children. They'll understand all your horrible confused and angry feelings.

I also wanted to say that I think you have handled this very well OP. It's horrific what she put your DS through - she's an absolute monster.

Many people don't disclose for tens of years, and many of those who disclose earlier aren't believed. You believing DS and acting upon it is a hugely, hugely important thing. While it may feel natural to do given what he disclosed, many adults do not respond that way. He obviously felt able to tell you when he was ready too, so know that you're a good mum. You could not have known she was doing this, as like most sex abusers, she will have groomed you all. Although tbh the trifecta of being female + GP + mother would likely mean little extra grooming would have been necessary. You could hardly think of someone safer to be around.

But I'm so sorry this sick fucker of a woman did this to your darling boy. And you're having problems with digesting it all because in a gazillion years it's not something you'd even imagine. None of us would. I would be looking for counselling for myself in this situation, if that's financially possible, from a therapist who specialises in trauma treatments, specifically CSA (and who has both qualified in them and has experience). Of course the same for your DS too if that's something he wants right now. Just don't downplay the impact on you - or your right to even feel so awful about it. This is something that is bigger than you and you should also have support with.

If private counselling isn't an option then it's worth getting on a waiting list via the GP. It will take time, but every day you're not on the list means it takes longer.

thank you really appreciate your message l am on a waiting list but just cant imagine ever feeling normal again.

Its the shock the reality the fact that she has a son the same age, there is a long process to go down.

Just can not believe I'm in this situation.

Been so careful protecting him from the big bad outside world while the whole time the threat was from within.

OP I am so sorry this has happened.

however, I am reporting your post to get MN to remove several identifying factors, which could reveal the identity of your SIL and by extension your son.

Why is it considered a historic abuse when it's happened within the last five years?

I'm so, so sorry for your boy OP. You sound like a lovely mum and I your heart must absolutely ache. It's sickening the thought of her still treating vulnerable patients. Bloody hell

I’m so sorry to hear this op I have a son and this really made me gasp.
this women is a monster how has your brother taken it I can’t even imagine what this has done to the whole family. Hope your son can start to heal soon, now it’s out in the open and he is believed.

Oh god yes, how is your brother feeling? Is he being supportive? Their poor son too, if he knows. God what an evil woman.

My friend reported child abuse and the police were awful. She made a complaint and things got dealt with properly.

I called her as soon as I knew all she could say was 'what' he instantly believed it he said it was a nightmare. They have 3 kids. He knows my son would never invent something like this or at all.
He came to see us the following morning and spoke to my son face to face and they both just cried but he would not get her out of the house. she could have gone round the corner to her dads house .

We spoke everyday for about a week and I said I just could not understand why she was still in the same house as him.
we share a practice and I said I could not remain in it all the while she was still in the same house.

He only missed one day of work but his football everything else remained.

He believed us and my son but failed to do the right thing.

I;ve lost my brother he has not even messaged me by way of support even once.
I have no job and my life is not the same and its all just too much to take.

Oh OP, it's just awful. The ripple effects (which are more like tidal waves right now) are huge from something like this.

Most abusers are known to children, very often within the family. It's so much easier for abusers to have access to the children and also for them to build up trust (groom) the adults around them in that situation. And the very subtle nature of grooming - ie what makes it grooming and not a failed attempt - that it's very subtle and slow. You can't spot it. You didn't miss anything. She's a very very skilled con artist. You couldn't have known and you're not alone.

You also won't be able to get your head around it: you can't think like a child abuser because you're not one.

And I'm sorry about your DBs reaction. That's hard to understand- but again not that unusual. So many partners stuck by abuses and it is unfathomable.

If you are also a GP and are wanting to work, could you do locum? I'm not sure if I understood that part right. Maybe take some time to be nice to yourself for awhile first? Your nervous system can probably do with rest. It's incredibly unfair that you've lost your job because of this though. It's actually another level of insanity in an already incomprehensible situation.

Thinking of you OP.