I have absolutely nobody there for me and wish I wasnt here

[Uaer1118]

I am distraught. I am pregnant and feeling so alone. I called my family and my partner in tears . Partner works away but only an hours drive. None of them have offered to come over. I have no one. I wish I was dead and I don’t know what to do to be ok. I’m so scared

I don’t know what to say OP but I’m listening.
You’re in a dark place right now but this baby will give you new meaning, this little person who will love you forever no matter your past mistakes.

Your midwife definitely will - for yours and baby's sake when the little lovely one arrives! Please talk to them at your next appointment or sooner.

If no-one can come to you tonight, please ring Samaritans or Mind.

As everyone has said, be kind to yourself.

Have you been feeling like this since pregnancy, it could be prenatal depression which is a bugger and really can make you feel really low, I had it and didn’t know, it was picked up by a health care assistant at a baby group after talking through when the feelings started.

Sometimes you need to ask for help - please try your friends if you haven't spoken to them. I don't know you but I don't think almost anyone is a shit person. Sometimes people make bad choices or bad decisions but it doesn't make them bad people.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Your baby needs you and is a genius at finding what they need from you. It doesn't matter a jot that you haven't eaten well or exercised, they will take the calcium they need from your bones and all sorts of other things. Pregnancy is miraculously straightforward, and I say that as someone who had hyperemisis, threw up 20 times a day and couldn't stand for half my pregnancy, and then was on presumptive antidepressants to fend off recurrent postnatal psychosis for the second half. Babies are absolutely fine and lovely. You can trust your body to work it out and anything yours doesn't, the baby's will.

What can be a problem in pregnancy is your brain. Postnatal depression can be prenatal. It can be so painful and hard, and how you are feeling now can be a side effect of the same hormones and chemicals that are building your baby.

Can you imagine a time when it might be different? When your baby is here and the hormones change to oxytocin? You need to look forward for both of you, and yes, you need to speak to your doctor if your midwife is not available.

Sometimes it is about getting through the hardest night and then making things change in the morning. You can do it - and be proud of yourself as a bloody good mum/mum to be when you do.

Some info here (perinatal not prenatal)

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/postnatal-and-antenatal-depression/

It sucked the life out of me but it wasn’t permanent. It seems surreal looking back on that time, it got better!

It all feels so hopeless now, I know, but I promise you all isn’t lost.

You will soon have a beautiful baby, and whether you choose to stay with your partner or go it alone, everything will work out and you’ll be an amazing mum, you’re already worried about that little one!

You don’t have to stay where you are unhappy, you really don’t. It may be difficult for a while, but things have a way of sorting themselves out. You can still meet someone wonderful in time if you decide this relationship isn’t the right one for you.

Please reach out for support OP x

@JennyForeigner How beautifully said 💞

I also had PP and am pretty sure the issues started whilst I was pregnant. So important the OP gets help now for herself, and the beautiful baby that's on its way.

And yes, the very fact that you're worrying about baby already makes you an amazing mumma @Uaer1118 😍

You'll work things out the best way you can. Just get that help now.

It sounds like you may be depressed my love. I'd urge you to see your midwife or GP to seek a bit of support.

Eating lots of rubbish and not exercising won't harm your baby. Loads of people do that it's not a big deal.

And you do have someone who cares very much if you live or die - your child. You'll be the light of their life.

OP, do you have a faith? If you have been brought up as a Christian, the psalms in the Bible are a source of comfort and encouragement. Please read Psalm 91 and or Psalm 27 if you have a Bible.
Psalm 27 "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?"
I sincerely hope you will feel better and stronger tomorrow, and best wishes you will have an easy birth and healthy baby.

Im sorry your feeling this way, and that you feel alone, I understand that feeling, i went through something similar….but remember you have a 100% record for surviving the days, so today feels helpless but I promise it’s a temporary feeling, it may not be better tomorrow, it may take a week a month, but you will. Focus on you, your growing a baby how amazing is that! And that little one will love you unconditionally there’s absolutely no love like it. So focus on now the here…..think about 5 things you can see 5 things you can smell 5 things you can feel. Promise yourself and your child you will get through tonight….you don’t need anyone your more than enough yourself. Tomorrow you ask for help from the professionals that will help without judgement. You got this no matter how helpless it feels right now focus on the next 5 mins, the next half an hour….baby steps is all it takes xx

Today's a new day. Do try and see your midwife and tell her how you're feeling. If you think you have made some bad choices for your health before, put them in the past and try to start afresh. Can you get out for a walk to the shops for something fresh and simple to cook for dinner? Exercise is great for lifting your mood. You're not alone in this.

Nearly everyone, if they've lived long enough, has made terrible relationship decisions at some point. It's all part of life and learning about ourselves. It doesn't make you a bad or a stupid person.

Focus on your baby who will need you and love you for who you are. Don't take any crap from anyone else.

You do matter and people do care about you.

You sound like you are experiencing strong feelings of being abandoned -confused with you effectively abandoning your 'decent' man (hard to read through the lines of what you've said though)

Get some help if you can with the abandonment thing- lots of people are in your shoes but manage to function ok so I'd imagine it's a big psychological trigger for you in some way

Overwhelmed by thr messages on here. Thank you so much. Struggling to type much as haven’t slept and feel so awful.

@FirstAidKitNowPlease I felt huge abandonment as a child. I had therapy to understand this so I know it’s real for me, ive never learned how to deal with it though.

I can’t believe my partner didn’t come when I told him I needed him and wasn’t coping. It’s not a regular occurrence and yet he wasn’t here. I don’t think I can move past that

@PrawnMeringue not my parents or sibling though. And I know they judge me. I had a chance to have that too and I threw it away.

@Itsallchange @TheWayoftheLeaf i am genuinely scared something has happened to them as I’ve been stressed every day and not been my usual relatively active self. I’ve let them down so much

@Topiography thank you, I will read them. I’m not a good person though and imagine if there is a god then they have a dim view of me

Hope you can contact your midwife today and tell her everything. She can support you

Hope today's is a better day for you. I'd second everyone who suggests you contact your GP or midwife. If you feel you might need to then you can call an ambulance or go to A&E. They will not mind and they will have seen it all before. They won't judge you.

i want you to do something today for you and your baby, this is the only thing that matters today and I don’t want you to think of anything else. Call and make an appointment with the midwife who will be able to put your mind at rest…..as a mum of 4 you don’t ever stop worrying that you’ve done something that has hurt or upset your kid. The fact your worried already shows you care….and be kind to yourself, stop telling us how bad you are, you aren’t just right now your mind is confused and you can’t get your thoughts straight, the ones that are standing out and the voice that’s louder right now is the one telling you all these fears….that’s all they are fears….not reality. You got through the night focus on that huge achievement, and keep talking to us. Because although we may not know you we are here to listen xxx

@Uaer1118
How are you feeling this evening OP? You say you are not a good person, but be assured God loves you. In the Christian faith we are saved not because of what we have done, but by the Lord's saving grace. None of us are perfect. Sending love